I'm heading out in the early am on a solo day trip to see my mom. How do you know if your guy really loves you? He hands you the keys to his truck without whimpering (he has, however, checked every belt, fluid, pressure, nut, bolt, the insurance coverage and also changed the windshield wipers. Then he parked it so I don't have to back out in the morning. Knock over one measly mailbox and they never let you forget it.)
While I'm gone, please feel free to behave yourselves and conduct deep, courteous, meaningful discussions in the comments section. Suggested topics:
1) Mamatas vs. Rickards: who'd win in a cage match?
2) Passing out free promotional condoms at RWA National -- more effective to imprint each packet with your book title, or simple instructions?
3) How many reviewers does it take to . . . no, skip this one.
4) How to get in the Times without shooting your editor on Book TV.
5) Posting comments while the blog host is out of town (Shannon Stacey's gone camping this weekend, btw.)
6) Why can't I back the truck out? It wasn't even the mailbox at this house. Geez.
7) How Mundane SF became the Latest Dark Cabal in six silly pseudonyms.
8) Who watches Book TV, anyway?
9) If he looks out the window at that truck one more time I'm going to hit him.
10) Whatever you like. Have fun.
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A cage match? Well, I'd probably cheat. Enter the ring with my 200-pound chimpanzee Mr Chuckles, then have the crowd savaged by hordes of weasels while Mr Mamatas was still limbering up so there'd be no witnesses to the hideous ape-led slaughter that followed.
ReplyDeleteThat, or strategically shave a mountain gorilla and send him along with a note pinned to his chest. "I am John Rickards, but I have a throat infection and cannot speak. Also, I have an ear infection and may not seem to listen to anything you say. Also, I'm terribly shortsighted and will need you to lead me to the ring. But I'm perfectly fit to fight once I get there, honest."
Then I'd watch from home on TV, cheering on my noble monkey champion. That's much more my style.
I was going to make a bad joke about imprinting long titles on the condoms themselves as a challenge to see if the entire thing is readable while in use. (Hmm, I just made the joke anyway and it is bad.)
ReplyDeleteIf you go with the instructions, include steps like, "Read (insert book title) before use" and "Do not re-use condom, but re-read (insert title again) frequently.
Can the cage match be a Brownie Bake Off?
ReplyDeleteI'd pay money to see that, and, besides, you can never go wrong with brownies. ;)
You can if you cross-breed them with John’s collection of radioactive rhesus monkeys, thus spawning an unholy biological-chocolaty-hybrid that rampages across the face of the earth until every last edifice of mankind lays in smoking ruin…
ReplyDeleteShortbread on the other hand is much more reliable.
I'll put my recipe for double-chocolate decadent brownies up against anybody else's. Brownie Bake-Off in a cage. And they think the Iron Chef is tough!
ReplyDeleteWho the hell is Rickards?
ReplyDelete