Friday, July 01, 2005


I haven't commented on author Terry McMillan's situation for a couple of reasons. I know, it's newsworthy stuff, what with her book and all.

Honestly, it reminds me of the whole Martha Stewart debacle. I don't think someone's fame and success should make everyone else declare open season on them the minute they're in trouble. Also, would Terry have gotten as much media attention if her husband was hetero?

Divorce is hard enough to get through without that kind of spotlight. Then there's dealing with the post-divorce fallout, which can be worse sometimes. I caught this letter online tonight that brought back a few old, bad memories:

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband is being married next week to a woman who was the catalyst in breaking up our 21-year marriage.

Did they send you an invitation or call? I only rated a phone call. "Hi, honey, I've got wonderful news" is not the way to start off this conversation, btw.

My children don't care for her, although they are respectful in her presence.

Same here. I encouraged the respect, too. Don't make your kids fight your battles. Especially when their new stepmother goes to the same school.

I am friendly toward her, but refuse to be her "friend," and, in her words, "put the animosity in the past."

Oh, yeah. Because there are so many other interesting places we'd like to stick that animosity. New wives, don't try to be friends with the ex. Trust me, while we're being polite to your face, we're thinking of how we can make your death look accidental.

Because I have chosen to remain friendly toward my "ex" for the sake of our three children, I feel a need to give him a wedding gift.

God love you, darling. You're a far better woman than I was.


  1. Anonymous2:22 AM

    Ah, well...I was with her for a while there. Classy lady.

    But give him a GIFT??!

    Sounds like she gave him most of her life, and three children. I'd say that was quite enough.

    She should run out and buy that gift for herself--hell, she more than deserves it.

    (and hugs for Terry in this very tough time).

  2. Of course it depends what the gift is...

  3. Anonymous5:49 AM

    Perhaps Singing Hord-O-Gram would be appropriate? 10,000 Mongol Warriors turn up, spear the guests, torch the venue, sing something which might just be Happy Birthday, then impale the recipient on the nearest flagpole.

    Seriously, there's something complacently self-justifying about Middle Aged Men Who Dump which makes me see red.

  4. My ex's girlfriend moved into my house two weeks after I moved out, and I didn't even know about her! I'd left him for other reasons! HA!

    No gift here, either. I left him the house and everything in it except for my cats, and I left him the car. The fact that I didn't shoot his ass was gift enough. I felt bad for the girl, though (and I do stress the word 'girl'). She had no idea what she was in for.

  5. Anonymous9:58 AM

    Same here. I encouraged the respect, too. Don't make your kids fight your battles. Especially when their new stepmother goes to the same school.

    Heh. Good one. Seriously, encouraging the children to be respectful in their new stepmother's present is the best gift she can give. Nothing else needed. As Carter said, "ex" means "ex"; it doesn't mean you're obliged to be anyone's buddy. Sounds like the new wife is trying to ease her consceince with her efforts to "put the animosity in the past."

    Having said that, I actually do get along with my husband's ex-wife. That's because we were friendly before and I wasn't involved in their breakup and the husband and I didn't get involved until a couple of years after it happened. Besides, it makes my mother-in-law twitch, and both the ex and I agree this is a good reason to remain on friendly speaking terms.

  6. As Carter said, "ex" means "ex"; it doesn't mean you're obliged to be anyone's budd

    My ex didn't get the memo, could someone resend it to him?

    He also didn't get the one about telling the mother of your children WHEN you get married, not six months after--just a courtesy mind you. We like knowing who our children are spending time with while you're at work, loading those trucks with cans of soda you big stud!

    Sadly, I like my step wife more htan I like my ex. =)

  7. Anonymous11:57 AM

    ...and a far better 'ex' than I'll ever be. I worry more over how to make my ex's death look like an accident rather than any of her flings. After all, how could they be wrong? I fell for her, didn't I? *~)

  8. That is quite a woman. I have to believe she's plotting their deaths. Either that or those voodoo dolls are stuck full of pins.

  9. Sigh. On Divorce: We said "Till death do we part" and it should by-god be a fight to the death. Divorce not with standing.

    Just Say'n.

    On Parting Gifts: Being the classy chick she seems to be, she could probably pitch in for the tombstone ...


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