Wednesday, August 31, 2005


What Writers Say, and What it Really Means

1. "I'm so honored -- and humbled -- by this Big Award nomination."

Well it's about freaking time I got something for the five hundred bucks I've spent this year on contest entry fees.

2. "I don't understand what the big deal is about that writer's novel. I read it four times and it wasn't so great."

I read it nineteen times and ground my teeth so much I need all new molar caps.

3. "My editor is a doll."

Voodoo, right here, in my desk. Want a pin?

4. "I'm considering a number of important offers."

I'm out of contracts, my agent won't return my calls and I can't afford to refill the Prozac.

5. "I work for one of the most respected publishers in the business."

If you say Who? one more time I'm going to punch you.

6. "Deadlines are not as important as the quality of the work."

I blew my deadline big time and I'm hiding from my editor.

7. "I don't mind getting rejected."

What I mind is you asking me if I mind, of course I mind, everyone minds, idiot.

8. "My CP and I have decided to try working with other people."

My CP just landed a huge deal and dumped me.

9. "I loved working with my CP, and wish him the best of luck."

I just landed a huge deal and dumped my CP.

10. "I don't mind losing the Big Award to Much More Successful Author. She's a talented writer."

She bought the judges before I could, the bitch.


  1. Anonymous12:48 AM

    lol to #3.

    I actually do love my editor. She's not a "doll" but she is really cool. We've worked through two books so far and I couldn't be happier with her. Otherwise, I think I've heard variations of all those from other writers I know. Never from my lips... ;)

    (And thanks! My sign-in works again)

  2. Anonymous1:43 AM

    "What a clever, informative, and timely writer's article!"

    Why the hell didn't I think of some witty shit like this to post on my blog??!

  3. Anonymous8:48 AM

    LOL! Thanks for the early morning laugh!

  4. What *raine* said!! LOL

  5. "What a wonderful idea."

    I've heard it a million times.

  6. "I work for one of the most respected publishers in the business."

    I found out what sucker PA is, but hell swallow me before I admit I fell for a scam.

    -- I want to thank X. This would never have been possible without her.

    --She's such a whiny, always pissed off bitch and would call me for weeks if I didn't mention her.

  7. Anonymous1:08 PM

    Bill wrote: I'll bite, what's a "CP"?

    CP = Critique Partner.

  8. "This book transcends genre."

    Not even the marketing department knows what the hell to call this 1000-page mess.

  9. LOL! I love Rob's and Raine's entries.

  10. Raine *shaking head* you nut

  11. I'm
    a) spending time with my family
    b) having a real life
    c) researching my next project
    d) catching up on critiques

    I'm BLOCKED, you SOB, and don't ask me again!


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