Thursday, February 16, 2006

Let's Blurb

It sucks having to ask for quotes from other authors. I know, I hate it so much I won't do it. Writing them is almost as bad.

Like tonight, I wanted to say something nice about MacBride, just for fun (I doubt he seriously needs a quote from Yours Truly) but I'm struggling with the wording. Stuart writes crime fiction (or tartan noir, to be more exact) and that's not my genre.

They always have really tough little quotes on those noir books, too, have you ever noticed that? None of the usual prosy this magnificent storyteller's ultimate masterpiece or tremendous world-building on an epic, otherworldly scale stuff in pretty italics, oh, no. It's all that macho terse one-word stuff in bold font: Compelling and Mesmerizing and Haunting.

Anyway, here's what I came up with tonight:

Blanket blurb: "I'll buy any book Stuart MacBride writes." (true)

Author/genre blurb: "Stuart MacBride writes noir like an oil well on fire burns." (also true; the man can pace a story like he's training it to run the Kentucky Derby.)

Book blurb: "Cold Granite knocked me out." (literally speaking, false. I remained conscious the entire time I was reading it. Until 3 a.m., I might add, and had to get up three hours later.)

Okay, your turn to embarrass the man. If you've read Mr. MacBride's work and you enjoyed it, leave him a blurb in comments.

12 comments:

  1. PBW, I will never, ever do anything to get on your bad side if this is what you do to your friends.

    LMAO!

    (and I've not yet read Cold Granite, so I can't take part in the fun)

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  2. There's a genre called 'Tartan noir'?

    I think my Dad likes him...

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  3. "The new king* of Scottish noir, MacBride has risen above being the servant of She Who Must to the role of He Who Must Be Read. Unputdownable." - James Winter, some guy you never heard of.

    *Well, technically, he's a duke as only the House of Windsor can have kings in Britain right now. And frankly, the President or Chancellor of noir just sounds wimpy.

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  4. Asking for blurbs (and agent referrals) is a lot like asking your neighbor or your best friend if they could double check the work of your proctologist or OB/GYN. You have good reasons to do it, but you both feel sleazy afterward.

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  5. "MacBride's brilliance smacks you so hard, it leaves beard hairs in your teeth."

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  6. How about the Amazon Book Review Blurb:

    "I've never read COLD GRANITE, and I still think it's the best book ever written! It's that good!"

    Or the Bodice-Ripper Blurb:

    "Like a long-lost Italian count who rescues you from the pirates, COLD GRANITE will leave you breathless, damp, and with an insistent ache somewhere below your waist."

    Or the Call to Bestsellerdom Blurb:

    "COLD GRANITE is a memoir in the mold of James Frey's A MILLION LITTLE PIECES."

    I could go on. Perhaps it is best for all if I stop now.

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  7. Anonymous8:56 AM

    Lol Dean. I'm not a published writer yet, but I bought the book after reading Mr. MacBride's blog via PBW's links. How do you blurb very real and scary in the good way? :)

    Lynda H. in San D.

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  8. Some writers are the ever-faithful aspirin, reliable and always there. Some, God help us, are Sominex(TM). Stuart MacBride is crack cocaine -- one hit and you're hooked for life.

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  9. OK, I just set fire to the curtains with all my blushing. You folks...

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  10. Just stumbled across this blog - where have I been? What have I been missing? Will my children mind if they don't get fed today so I can catch up? Is sitting in your pyjamas in front of a computer screen reading blog archives a pathological sign? I don't know! I don't care!

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  11. That bearded bastard sure can write!

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  12. Stuart MacBride's books are better than sex! Even good sex! Great sex! Hot, sizzling, wild, passionate, mind-blowing sex!

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