Wednesday, February 08, 2006

International PBW

Considering this week's budding bitchfest, I probably should apologize in advance for being unAmerican and refusing to discriminate against readers for their nationality or where they reside when I do book giveaways.

Yes, like that shameless hussy Alison, I write off overseas shipping as a business expense. It's true that the prices are higher, but I have no respect for the rising cost of postage. Fool with money, that's me. It's appalling when you think about all the piles of cash I could save by restricting my giveaways to U.S. citizens only.

You see, it's all part of a secret and insidious international plot of mine, to trick unsuspecting citizens of other countries into becoming my readers. Once they read one of my novels, they contract book fever from the tiny, invisible pathogenic compound I spray on the pages. After that, they haven't a hope of ever again resisting my work. The minute they go into a bookstore and see one of my titles, they are compelled by the fever to buy it. And talk about my novels? My God, you can't shut them up. Before you know it, foreign publishers have no choice but to buy the rights to my books and translate them into other languages.

Or maybe I'm so childish that I simply think it's neat when I can send something I wrote to Wales or Singapore or Japan. Those addresses are wonderful, even the ones I have to copy one letter at a time so I don't mess them up. Then there are those sexy, dangerous-looking customs forms I have to fill out. I only wish I could get on a plane and deliver the books in person. Might do that too, someday (and wouldn't you all be surprised if I showed up at your door one morning and catch you Brits and Germans in your jammies and bunny slippers. I drink tea for breakfast, btw, if you want to invite me in.) Not very patriotic of me, is it?

No, you're right, no published author would be so unhip. It's more likely the insidious international plot.

There's also the sad fact that I've probably been tainted by the number of other countries to which I've traveled. Not to mention the family members I have living in the U.K., France and Germany. We won't even talk about how many friends I have outside U.S. territorial borders. It's disgraceful how I can't stick to my own kind.

So there you have it: I'm either a cold-blooded manipulative bitch hoping to spread book fever like avian influenza, or a complete slut for exotic addresses and customs paperwork. Anyway, wherever you live on the planet, I will nail you with free books whenever I can.

Sorry!

35 comments:

  1. YAYAYAYAYAY!!! Welcome to the dark postal side!

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  2. Wha???

    Someone's griping that you're sending books overseas? I send books (and quilts and all sorts of things) to Europe and Australia all the frigging time! Incidentally, they say it takes 10 days to ship Priority to Australia, but they're lying. It's more like three whole weeks. I can, however, get a Christmas card (standard mail) to Essex in about 48 hours.

    As far as I'm concerned, you know you're an author when the friendly face at the post office stops asking you the package contents - they know it's a book - and they automatically reach for those green customs forms if you're not bringing in a standard US Priority shipping box (they have some that are the perfect size for shipping paperbacks, btw).

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  3. Sheila, you're welcome to visit me any time. I have some 20 sorts of tea for you to chose, and I can even make cucumber sandwiches. If you don't prefer Bratkartoffeln. I make some mean Bratkartoffeln. :-)

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  4. While I can understand both sides of the discussion, I think I'm the type who would send stuff to Antarctica if I thought the freaking penguins would read my book.

    I get giddy when people take the time to comment on my blog. To have someone [from any country] wanting to read an honest to goodness published version of something I've written? Egad! I get the jitters just thinking about it! [and have the exclamation points to prove it!!]

    Does that feeling wear off, I wonder?

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  5. There's also the sad fact that I've probably been tainted by the number of other countries to which I've traveled.

    Come to Australia! Come to Australia!

    Incidentally, they say it takes 10 days to ship Priority to Australia, but they're lying. It's more like three whole weeks
    It can vary. I've had some books from the US arrive within a week. God knows why!

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  6. Quote: Once they read one of my novels, they contract book fever from the tiny, invisible pathogenic compound I spray on the pages. After that, they haven't a hope of ever again resisting my work. The minute they go into a bookstore and see one of my titles, they are compelled by the fever to buy it.


    So THAT'S what that was! It worked.

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  7. Perfect timing. I got my copy of Rebel Ice, and it is at the top of my TBR pile. Thanks so much, even if I am in the US. :G:

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  8. Perfect timing here, too - I'm in Australia and my copy of Rebel Ice just appeared in the mail. Thanks!

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  9. LOL. And that certainly explains why I periodically reread the Darkyn books, to get my fix of tiny, invisible pathogens! Does your signature act as a focus for the pathogens, or something? Because I know I fondle my autographed copy of Private Demon every now and then.

    Hmm, PBW, that quote you have at the footer of the page? I really like that. Rather fitting too. Hehe.

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  10. ROFLAO. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You've just made my day. Of course I spewed pepsi all over the keyboard while laughing at your most excellent snark, but it was worth it.

    I've read If Angels Burn (and loved it) and have Private Demon on my shelf ready to go. I must remember this post when it comes time for me to blog the shite out of you.

    Imagine that - an international reader giving you good press - who would have thought? *g*

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  11. Anonymous7:04 AM

    My rebel ice copy arrived a few days ago...and Thank You Thank You! The inscription you wrote was just what I needed to perk me up after a long day :D

    Julie Anne

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  12. PBW, Cold Blooded International Book Slut. I think there's a special department of the NSA just for International Book Sluts.

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  13. You're welcome to drop in anytime. BTW, have you tried Earl Grey Blue Lady? Yummmmm.

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  14. Milady Insanity said: Because I know I fondle my autographed copy of Private Demon every now and then.


    Oh now that's just wrong! LOL

    Personally I would love to fondle Michael. (IAB) Do you crop-dust all the books that go out even from the distributors? Somehow a little of that got in there in my non-autographed copies as well. Either that, or dang girl, you just know how to hook a reader. :)

    PS-Those hot hunky boys of yours may have something to do with it.

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  15. I forgot to thank you for my copy of Rebel Ice, which arrived about a week ago. Thanks so much! And for you sense of humor. You keep cracking me up and I really need that!

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  16. My copy of Rebel Ice arrived today as well.

    Thank you!!!

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  17. Alison Kent wrote: Welcome to the dark postal side!

    You have a lot to answer for, woman. Not only did you lure me to the dark side, your book giveaways are what originally inspired me to do them here (so everyone, remember, blame _Alison_ for this.)

    Tam wrote: As far as I'm concerned, you know you're an author when the friendly face at the post office stops asking you the package contents - they know it's a book - and they automatically reach for those green customs forms if you're not bringing in a standard US Priority shipping box

    Same here. I should get a bunch of those customs forms and pre-print them out with my name & addy, too, to speed things up.

    Gabriele wrote: Sheila, you're welcome to visit me any time.

    Your country will be one of my first stops the next time I head over to Europe, G. I think one of my brothers is there now or will be in a few weeks. :)

    Shelbi wrote: I'm the type who would send stuff to Antarctica if I thought the freaking penguins would read my book.

    Yep, me, too. Lol. And no, the feeling never wears off, btw.

    Keziah Hill wrote: Come to Australia! Come to Australia!

    That's one country I've never had the chance to visit, and would sacrifice a limb to go to. When my daughter is a little older, we're planning to take a month and reek havoc among you Aussies.

    Miss Write wrote: So THAT'S what that was! It worked.

    Of course. You didn't think you were coming here of your own free will, did you? Snicker.

    Zaza wrote: Thanks so much, even if I am in the US.

    Aw, I love Americans, too.

    Simon Haynes wrote: Perfect timing here, too

    You know, Simon, it's very weird that I can get a book to you before my monthly electric payment is received, and I send them out on the same day...you wouldn't be interested in buying (or doing the books for) a U.S. power company, would you?

    Milady Insanity wrote: PBW, that quote you have at the footer of the page? I really like that. Rather fitting too. Hehe.

    Ha. That one is probably permanent now, seeing as no one has yet come up with anything dumber to say about me. But I live in hope!

    Jaynie R wrote: Imagine that - an international reader giving you good press - who would have thought?

    Hard to imagine, indeed (eye roll.) Seriously, though, not every American author is a tightfisted jackass, Jaynie, so don't give up on us.

    Julie Anne wrote: The inscription you wrote was just what I needed to perk me up after a long day

    So I assume you didn't get the copy that reads, "I'd write something inspirational but dinner is burning." :)

    Dean wrote: PBW, Cold Blooded International Book Slut.

    My new tag line!

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  18. Can I sign up for to be an exotic addresses and customs paperwork slut? I mean... it is *so* fitting right? ;-) Someday I hope to have this problem. Really. I could be so lucky.

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  19. After Rebel Ice arrived, I had to go out and buy the whole bloody lot from the beginning. -.-

    ;) Just teasing. I can't start at the end of a series. Even if the books are stand alone, if it is part of a series, I have to start from the beginning.

    Authors would make a bundle off of me by sending free copies of the end of the series. I'd have to go get the others to catch up to it. :)

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  20. You have a lot to answer for, woman. Not only did you lure me to the dark side, your book giveaways are what originally inspired me to do them here (so everyone, remember, blame _Alison_ for this.)

    Heh. It's about time I got blamed for something GOOD happening! :)

    Same here. I should get a bunch of those customs forms and pre-print them out with my name & addy, too, to speed things up.

    I have a 1" stack of them here on my desk. Makes it so much easier to have it all filled out before I even leave the house.

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  21. I am so glad to finally understand how I got infected with book fever. In my case I can't blame you. Some insidious person must have had the spray and put it on the pages of Dick and Jane, way back in the covered wagon days when I was in first grade

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  22. I'm surprised at how shortsighted some writers can be.

    My boyfriend and I read a lot. We live in Japan, adn we order our books through amazon.com or amazon.co.jp. when we go home (as in the States) for Christmas, we buy about $300-400 worth of books (would buy more if we had enough room in our luggage for everything plus Christmas gifts we get from our friends and relatives, etc.) and then come back and then order more from Amazon.com.

    In addition, my boyfriend owns a language school, and he sometimes uses a popular fiction title for his advanced English language class. You can very well guess he doesn't use books he hasn't read!

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  23. Ha, you wouldn’t be the first person to catch me in my jammies. Normally it’s some baggy auld mannie at three in the afternoon looking for directions to somewhere I’ve never heard of. Like today.

    But I live in hope of opening my door to an International Book Slut one day. We all have our dreams...

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  24. Oh, you horrible, horrible person!

    (And have I mentioned that I would gladly move to England and never look back? *g*)

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  25. Anonymous11:33 AM

    Once they read one of my novels, they contract book fever from the tiny, invisible pathogenic compound I spray on the pages.

    And how does one get her hands on this compound? I wouldn't mind using science to move my books...assuming they ever get published. Nothing like thinking ahead. *grin*

    :) Misty

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  26. Most of my books are also available electronically, and the last time I had a foreign drawing winner she chose the e-book version. This got to her almost instantly so we both won : )

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  27. I'd love to know what triggered this! Usually I see online complaints about authors who WON'T ship books out of the US. You rock the planet, PBW!

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  28. hooked on the customs forms, huh?

    :P overseas readers are can be some of your best friends when it comes to promoting the hell out of a book.

    Jaynie would be a perfect example... *G*

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  29. You're funny - LOL liked the post -

    You sent a bunch of bookd to my chapter last spring (Yellow Rose) they were the biggest hit of the goody bags! thanks again -

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  30. I not only pay the postage, but I married a citizen from another country. :-O

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  31. I'm still waiting on my copy of Rebel Ice. Interesting though that Simon lives on the west coast of Australia and I live on the east. Of course, I live out in the boonies and he's in a capital city... sigh.

    I'm being patient, though, because I know it will be worth the wait. In the meantime, I'm suffering from those pathogens and re-reading the series in anticipation.

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  32. What on earth has come over you woman? The nerve. Acknowledging international readers? Now you've done it! You're just going to get more readers just like them, and look where that leads--more sales. Which means you'll probably have to write more books. Are you insane? And leading people on to imply that you might actually show up on their doorstep someday. (Are bunny slippers popular outside the US? Inquiring minds want to know.)

    Great post. I can't believe anyone is criticizing you for including international readers in your give-aways. Unless they're complaining that they look bad now.

    But you shouldn't have said that about the pathogenic compound. You could become a "person of interest." Even so, I'm with whomever said it was sprayed on their Dick and Janes decades ago--only for me it was Dr. Seuss.

    You do good stuff. And thank you for Rebel Ice. Can't wait for the next installment!

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  33. PBW, I'm delighted to hear you've mailed a book to one or more of my fellow countrymen. *smooch* Thank you! I'm going to have to remedy my lack of not having read any of your books just for that and I know for a fact that one of my top favourite authors is a die-hard fan of yours.

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  34. I was completely surprised to find out that some authors restrict their contests to U.S. only. I wouldn't have known had a friend in Finland not mentioned it on her blog. My philosophy is that reader interest is precious. If someone in another country is interested enough to enter a contest for one of my books, or any other prize, I'm damned grateful. The postage is a business expense.

    If I can waste money on dumb things like a sheep-lighter, I can invest in good reader relations by opening up my contests to residents of all countries.

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  35. Thanks, Sheila. My book arrived in Western Canada yesterday only to be ripped in half as my husband and I fought over who would read it first. (I'm kidding, okay?) He's already coughed and sneezed all over it so he can have it first. I hope your pathogenic compound will kill off all his germs before he goes back to work and I get the book to myself.

    We both appreciate it muchly.

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