Applet Ten

Ten Things Powered by Applets

1. HTMLbasix.com offers an Applet Code Generator for snow and lake images; I'm sure one of you smart people could do more with it.

2. The Java Boutique has an entire list of applets and links to other applet sites for you to rummage through.

3. Martin Wattenberg's Living Wallpaper applet constantly evolves.

4. Martin's Anagram Generator applet will create anagrams of the word(s) you input (Paperback Writer = We Tarpaper Brick.)

5. Create random passwords via applet over at PassGen2.

6. Generate flowing art with Dave Bollinger's PerlyBurly applet.

7. For those of us who are geometrically-obsessed, SodaPlay's SodaConstructor applet is beyond cool.

8. One of my favorite online toys, the Spirograph applet.

9. Explore an earth-like planet generated by Ken Perlin's A Webwide World applet.

10. Teach Yourself Java answers the burning question: What is an Applet Anyway?

If you'd like to read up on Java Programming, author David J. Eck has made his book Introduction to Programming Using Java, Fifth Edition (Version 5.0, December 2006) available free for online reading or download here.

Catch Up

Now that I have a computer that does not predate Stonehenge . . .

Dad continues to improve. He's gone for short walks and has a good appetite, and isn't as disoriented or subdued as he was after the last surgery. He watched Casino Royale with me and Mom, and although he liked the movie he still thinks of Sean Connery as the only actor who can play James Bond. I don't have a favorite Bond actor, so I enjoyed what Daniel Craig brought to the role. He gives a very energetic, muscular performance, and makes it a decent flick.

Back in November I made a charity wager with Jim Winter on Dave White and Bryon Quertermous's novel race. Although Bryon held onto the lead for quite some time, Dave has finished his novel first, so I've made a donation to Habitat for Humanity in Jim's name. Congratulations to Dave for winning. Bryon, I'll have to cancel that nubile young book wench I had hired to serve you grapes, read to you and rub your feet after you won, but maybe next time.

It seems that some reporters and trade rag contributors have been lurking around here lately and e-mailing me with various requests for input, interviews and whatnot. I have enough to deal with right now and have (politely) turned them all down. However, they can still quote from my weblog content, which includes what you all post in comments. I don't want you to feel as if you have to censor yourselves, ever, but just be aware that whatever you post is fair game for them to use or misuse.

If all goes well, I'm hoping to return to my regular blogging schedule on Monday. In the meantime, I've got about ten thousand e-mails left to answer, so have a good weekend.

Through the Woods

Dad got through the surgery so well that he's like a different person. Turns out that 90% of his right ventricle was blocked, and having normal function restored will definitely clear up the heart and a bunch of related problems. Mom and I are going over medications, diet and exercise plans like two generals planning an all-out campaign.

Typing again after using a headset for so long is interesting. The "R" on Mom's keyboard doesn't work unless I slam it. If only I wrote like Elmer Fudd speaks.

I brought some work with me to keep me occupied in the waiting room, mostly pay-out schedule stuff to update and check on. Here's a little financial advice for when you sign a contract with separate pay-outs on the advance: I give publishers 90 days after they tell me they're request a payment for me for their check to show up on my end, which I think is more than reasonable (imagine if you had to wait three months for your paycheck.)

If no check arrives by the 91st day, I send a polite reminder via my agent to the publisher, and generally get back the same answer: the check is "lost" or "was never issued" and has to be re-requested (which takes four to six weeks from that date to happen.) I update the pay-out list and put a reminder to check on it again in six weeks. I've had two or three payments go lost or unissued every year since I got into the biz, and I know other writers who have to deal with the same problem, so I advise everyone who goes pro to keep a pay-out calendar or schedule and check it monthly.

Now that the last of our split payments are being issued upon publication of the work (this is a new industry/contract trend among major publishers), it's also a good idea to tally up your advances when the book hits the shelf and make sure you've gotten everything as per the contracted pay-outs. I'm told these upon-pub pay-outs are generated by computer, not by wayward requests, which if it's true would be a big help to writers trying to collect for their work. Now if we could just get the computers to handle all the other payments . . .

Arising

I am back, but things are probably going to be a bit sporadic around here for the next week. Today I'll be down south, at the hospital with my Mom while my Dad is in surgery. If any of you are awake and would be so kind as to send good thoughts, he goes under the knife around 7:00 am EST.

The very kind comments, e-mails, cards and messages you all have sent have me going through Kleenex like you wouldn't believe. I don't deserve them, or you. Thank you.

After my ten day tantrum, I figured I'd gotten the blues out of my system, but there's always one more zinger waiting in the wings. Tonight my daughter's hamster died (peacefully, in his sleep, of old age.) My daughter cried a bit, but we talked and she seems to be accepting it okay. Our sweetie pie was a lovely pet, playful and gentle, and never bit anyone during his long life, which I think entitles him to go straight to Hamster Heaven. I'm going to miss the little guy.

#11 on my list yesterday should have been something about dealing with the blues, only I haven't come up with a nifty coping strategy. Depression is tough. It's that uninvited house guest you dread. It shows up at the most inconvenient time, and totally railroads your schedule. It's always laying around doing nothing, but it won't let you work. If you try to ignore it, it makes a fuss. It wants you to cater to it endlessly, it never wants to leave. Even when you kick it out, it knows where you live.

I promised myself I'd write a bit about this from a personal angle without making the usual jokes, because I don't think depression is funny at all. I try to work through my bouts by staying busy and letting go of the bad stuff. Spending time with my family helps a lot, too. In the past, when things have gotten pretty dark, I avoided everyone and retreated into myself. Being depressed always diminishes and embarrasses me; I feel small and alone. Who wants their family and friends to see them like that? When I did climb out, I'd go on and pretend like it never happened: Who, me, depressed? I was just meditating.

You keep doing that, though, and you run the risk of falling into the pit, not being able to climb out, and really needing help -- but you've hidden it so well that no one knows you're even in there.

Anyway, I'll be posting from my folks' house while I'm down there, God and Mom's computer willing, and I'll hopefully have good news the next time I sign on. If I'm absent, don't worry. I'm out of the pits now, and fighting the good fight again.

Fubb Ten

Ten Things I've Learned During the Last Ten Days
(or, why PBW vanished from the internet)

1. Blaming Publishing for being Publishing is like blaming God for being God. Good luck with that.

2. Don't assume that you can use a treadmill when you have a very bad knee simply because a physician thinks you can. You will fall and blow out the knee.

3. If you're not in a good mood, don't make career decisions, negotiate contracts, read royalty statements or contemplate the writing universe at all. Read Bill Bryson instead.

4. Never look at 50,000 words of a novel and think, "I'll just throw them away and start over. Take me a day, maybe two to rewrite them from scratch." It will take you, minimum, ten days, much tearing out of hair and assorted crying jags.

5. No matter how good it feels, ignoring the internet, Publishing and the world in general while you're creatively pissed off does not make them go away.

6. Opening an e-mail with the subject line "I hope your father dies" is dumb. Reading it is dumber.

7. Refrain from locating your internet computer on a second floor if 1) there is a possibilty you will be spending a lot of time wearing a steel leg brace, 2) your spare computer is in the shop, 3) there's a chance that your wireless router and three adapters will fry during a power surge and 4) the significant other is going to be out of town for ten days.

8. Sulking feels good -- feels really good, in fact -- but you're always sorry after you're done sulking.

9. Unplugging is good. Unplugging and not telling anyone why is bad. Unplugging, not telling anyone why, and thinking seriously about committing professional suicide by means that are best described as Le Grand Trampling Exit is childish.

10. You probably don't deserve the friends you have. And you probably never will.

I'm sorry for bailing on you guys. Thanks for your e-mails, good thoughts, and your endless patience.

One more thing: the book, she is DONE (thunk.)

Friday 20, The Turnabout/Fairplay Edition

I won't be here for most of the day so the bone doc can see how well I'm flexing/standing/walking/balancing. Some repeatedly falling on my butt will probably be involved, too. The U.S. Olympic committee is simply going to have to look elsewhere for their next star pole vaulter.

While I'm off letting strange men attach electrodes to me and feel up my leg, I have some questions for you this week. If you're inclined, please answer in comments any or all of the following:

1. Contests (where you compete in some fashion for the prize) versus giveaways (where you win a prize by random draw): which do you prefer?

2. Other than books, what would you like to see offered in PBW giveaways?

3. Virtual workshops: which do you think you would find most useful -- 1) a live virtual workshop as we've done in the past here at the blog, 2) an e-book formatted workshop with exercises that you can download and read at home, 3) a live workshop conducted online in a chatroom, ot 4) other (please include details.)

4. Writers, what industry info can I and other publishing bloggers offer that will actually help you with your career?

5. Readers, would you like to see a weekly post at PBW featuring book news (mine and other authors), inside information on my novels, and freebies geared more toward the reader? If yes, would Wednesday work for you?

Thanks in advance for any insight you'd like to share.

Winner

All the great inscriptions posted for the Last Call giveaway make me wish I had 1,600 more of these babies to hand out. Okay, I'm lying, I'm overjoyed to see the last one go. But you guys, as always, are great. Thanks.

There can be only one winner this time, though, so this is the name we pulled out of the magic hat tonight:

Determinist

D., please send your full name, ship-to info and your choice of what book you'd like me to sign and send along to LynnViehl@aol.com, and I'll get this out to you.

For those of you who didn't win this time, next week I'm planning to clean house by having daily giveaways along with my regular posts. The upcoming giveaways will include among other things a signed ARC of Night Lost (last one I have left in the gratis box), two novels by a terrific new author, a complete, signed set of all seven StarDoc books in print, and some other neat surprises, so stop in if you get the chance.

Atypical Brain Mush

Ten Things My Editors Won't Use As Blurbs

1. Afterburn: "S.L. Viehl is best known for creating the popular Stardoc series, featuring Cherijo Torin, whose bitter attitude and constant hail of corrosive sarcasm made her, toward the end, one of the most unpleasant protagonists this side of Thomas Covenant."

Ha. Take that, Donaldson. And hey, did someone end my series and forget to tell me again?

2. Beyond Varallan: "I'll admit it, she's got me hooked, I want to know what happens next. But, with all the sado-masochistic submissive kink floating around, buying the next book 'd leave me feeling like a codependent enabler."

Okay, Sasha White, no more complaining that there isn't enough sex in my books.

3. Dark Need: "In Viehl's world, there is no such thing as happily ever after, especially for Alexandra and Michael."

A psychic, how cool. [Note to self: forget about the HEA for Alex and Michael. Reviewer says there is no such thing.]

4. Endurance: "Viehl's basic writing skills continue to improve, though sentence structure remains a problem for her."

Personally I think it's wonderful that my ninth grade English teacher is still alive and reviewing my books.

5. If Angels Burn: "Not your typical brain mush with sex, Lynn Veihl can write."

I'm putting that one on the business cards.

6. Paradise Island: "Could this author have tried to keep the plot more close to the vest?"

I could have tried, but my womanly curves get in the way.

7. Plague of Memory: "I still like Viehl's writing, but I don't see any way possible for her to bring Cherijo out of the hole she's dug for one of the most interesting heroine's ever."

(whispered) Read Bio Rescue.

8. StarDoc: "A novel as poorly plotted, as clunkily written, as depthless and soulless as Stardoc could only have been published under the label science fiction."

You know, this guy is making me hot.

9. Sun Valley: "Buying this book is like buying a generic tampon: the next day you wonder what in the heck were you thinking."

I'm thinking TMI, how about you guys?

10. [WFH Novel]: "From Booklist: *Starred Review*"

I finally get one and I can't tell anybody. Rats.

(This post is dedicated, with much love, to R.)

Last Call

During my rookie year, some bright professional bulb convinced me to have bookmarks for my first release professionally printed. I was told all the real authors had them done that way, and after an unpleasant experience with my first, homemade version, I caved in and placed an order with a printer.

A tiny error messed up the first run, which the printer gave me for free, and which doubled my order. 800 + 800 = 1,600 bookmarks. At the time I didn't think that was a lot. After all, I was going to sell a million copies of my first novel. People were going to stand in line for these babies. They'd be great self-promo. Why, I probably wouldn't have enough to go around.

Go ahead. Laugh. If you've got one of my bookmarks, I know where you live.

For the first year, I gave away the little darlings whenever I could: at my signings, my writer organization meetings, conferences, libraries, bookstores, schools, and anywhere else I could drop a small pile. Second year, I convinced my writer friends to take some with them to their signings, conferences, meetings and so on. Barely made a dent in my supply; I swear the damn things were breeding. Eventually I shoved the boxes of bookmarks in a closet and tried to forget about them.

One good thing came out of it: I went back to making my own. Hell with being a real author.

After I started PBW, I found the boxes again and began sending them to giveaway winners. I tried to redeem myself by writing something original and vaguely clever on the back, but really. I have been shamelessly using you guys. All I know is if it weren't for you, it might have taken me another eight years to get rid of 1,599 bookmarks. That's right. I am down to #1,600, the very last of the bookmarks. When I give this one away, I will be free, free, free!

We must celebrate my emancipation, so in comments to this post, write something suitable to grace your first or next bookmark (or, if you plan to be smarter than PBW and skip that joy, just throw your name in the hat) by midnight EST on Wednesday, March 7, 2007. I will draw one name at random from everyone who participates and send you a signed ARC of Night Lost, or a signed copy of any of my published books currently in print (in other words, your choice.) The winner will also become the proud owner of this bookmark, signed and bearing my personal ceritification that it is, indeed, the last of its kind. Giveaway open to everyone on the planet, even if you've won something at PBW and/or been nailed by a bookmark in the past.

Quick Fix Ten

Ten Things for the Freeware Junkies

1. Budget yourself, track your spending and get your finances under control with AceMoney Lite.

2. AllChars freeware will make and store accented letters, other special characters and support macros for you.

3. Create your own glossaries with Babylon-Builder.

4. BestOffice is an interesting office app open source project/freeware; still partially in development if I'm reading this e-mail correctly but with a working image viewer, word processor, diary, personal scheduler, and file compressor/decompressor.

5. Create .pdf doocuments from virtually any Microsoft Windows application with Bullzip PDF Printer.

6. CIB PDF Plug-in for Word generates .pdf formatted documents for private use directly from within Word (note the private use clause there.)

7. CutePDF Writer, the free version of CutePDF Pro, will convert any printable document into .pdf format without watermarks, banners, ads, etc.

8. Dark Room, which zipped me right back to the good old days of uncluttered DOS-based Word Perfect 5.0 blue screens (sniff), gives you a distraction-free writing environment.

9. Organize yourself with MRX07's Personal Organizer freeware.

10. David Berman's TimeTo freeware for Windows sounds like an interesting personal organizer (I'm into anything that promises the user will "worry less, achieve more.")

Free writing resource: Our blog pal LJ over at Once in a Blue Muse has been using Tiddlywiki, a reusable non-linear personal web notebook, to organize her WIP. More details can be found in the blog post here, and the very cool template LJ created is here. Thanks for making this available for everyone, LJ.

To Write or Not to Write

I like writing up lists. Not just things like the Monday Ten here, but every other thing I need to do, like organizing my housework, appointments for the upcoming month, stuff I need to buy, errands waiting to be ran and so forth. To accomodate my fetish, I have shopping and to-do pads all over the house, next to the phones, in my purse, tacked to the bulletin board, hanging from a magnet on the refrigerator, in the bathroom closets and in the glovebox of every vehicle we own.

When I first play with a story idea, I start by writing a list of keywords relating to the plot and characters. I have literally thousands of story lists that never made it past the list stage. They're filed in the story list file. I also have a list of file names and descriptions. And a list of file lists, because I have more than one filing cabinet.

I thought about making a list of all the lists I have, but there could be disastrous gravitational consequences.

My one, never-ending list is The Novels I'd Like to Write. I'm always adding and subtracting ideas from this one, mostly adding. Obviously writing that book about a secret code hidden in famous artwork that leads to a revelation that rocks the religious world is a cross-off now. Ditto revising my 4,000 line epic poem into novel form -- there is just so much of my artistic soul that I'm going to inflict on you unsuspecting people.

Still, it's an active list, and one I enjoy reading over. I know I'll never live long enough to cross off every item on this list, but it's fun to plan what I could do if I don't get hit by a truck anytime soon. I'm tempted to jot down notes and rough them out a bit more, but that would make it harder to keep them on the list level.

Some items from the list in its present incarnation:

Anthrax vaccine puts humans back on all fours

Bama Zombie Farm Boy Rescues Prom Queen

Bast (Cat God, egyptian) caught and dumped in pound

Spelunkers (sp?) find way ancient paintings that Explain It All

Chicklit version of Oliver Twist (more Prada, sir?)

Chubby Death goes Club Med

Nyad hatched by benevolent brute miner saves him & planet

Old quilt with love poems as block foundations

Sniper witnesses assassination through scope

Squilyp's own novel, set on Omorr + his twins

I know, my shorthand is a little strange; matches my brain patterns. What would be something you'd put on your To Write list right now?

Misfits

When I turned pro and started meeting other people in the business, I had big problems fitting in. I didn't have the clothes, the personality, the schmooze gene, the gossip addiction or the desire to get sloshed at every con. I had no writer aura or professional vocabulary. I never learned the correct posture or position. I also seemed to offend every other person I met (but that happened with non-writers too, so no big surprise there.)

It bothered me to feel inept at my new profession, so I made a real effort to fit in. I did what the established pros told me to. I shopped and I dressed up. I circulated, booksigned, bookmarked/postcarded/flyered and critiqued grouped. In one year, I did three different con circuits. I volunteered. I raised money for charity. I was a good industry person, and totally miserable.

There are things involved with publishing, things you don't know about until you're a part of it, that just flabbergasted me. One non-writer member of my writer organization had this hobby of calling new members at home and informing them of the dirt on everyone else in the organization. Not casual gossip, either -- this was vicious, gleefully delivered, utterly hateful stuff, all delivered with the sort of relish that turns your stomach. No matter how I tried to change the subject, the yoyo wouldn't stop. At the end of my rope, I asked my colleagues what I could do, but everyone said I had to put up with it or I'd offend the yoyo, which would have dire career consequences (and, being a rookie, I believed this bullshit.) So I put up with this for better part of a year, and to this day I am so sorry I didn't just tell the yoyo to piss off and change my phone number.

I wasted two years of my life doing things I usually hated, among people with whom for the most part I had absolutely nothing in common except a profession, for the sake of my career. I think I made every mistake a new writer can make. I'm also pretty sure that I invented a few new ones. Under the circumstances, I think folks in publishing made a truly heroic effort in putting up with me that long.

What I did learn is that trying to fit in when you can never fit in doesn't work, and it makes you hate yourself. I almost quit writing -- my dream profession, that I've worked toward my entire life -- because I failed so miserably at playing author. It was only when I stopped and got away from the industry glam-lovers that I realized that writing, not publishing, was the only career I wanted. Writing is everything. Publishing just bankrolls me.

One more thought for the misfits out there reading this: if you don't fit in, don't sweat it. It's easier to make your own place in publishing than to force yourself into someone else's concept of how it should be. It can be lonely, yes, but that's part of the real job. In time, you may find that you attract more like-minded people by standing apart from the herd rather than hiding yourself among them.

Friday 20, Maybe

We're under another tornado watch here until 2 am EST. Places north of us are getting hammered. Any decent storm knocks out our electricity here, so if I'm not back soon, it's because I'm lighting candles and trying to figure out what to cook on the gas grill for dinner. I'll catch up when the power permits.

Also, just to note -- today I caught up with responding to the many, interesting comments on the Is That Your Self-Promo in My Face, Or...
post.

I'm going to cut this short so I can post it before the next light flickers. Any questions for me?

Authors and Slogans

I think advertising slogans are becoming very dull and unimaginative. Take McDonald's current slogan: I'm Lovin' It. Lovin' what, precisely? The prices? The service? The entire menu? I had one of your salads a few weeks ago, and I didn't exactly hate it, but love? Not even close. You want a crack at my heart, you need to stock fresher lettuce, sodium/fat-free dressings, and lose those lousy cherry tomatoes you dump in everything.

If you're going to go with an uninspired slogan, at least get creative with the presentation. Capital One's slogan of "What's in your wallet?" is flatter than a French crepe, but the commercials with the Dark Age barbarian hordes storming into modern life before their leader delivers it as a one-liner makes it deliciously funny.

If advertising departments need to hire different writers, they should rustle up a few authors. God knows we can use the work. For example:

Dan Brown for UPS: See what the other globally-dominating brown can do for you.

Jackie Collins for De Beers: A Diamond is forever, but then, so is alimony.

Sue Grafton for the United States Army: B is for all you can be.

Laurell K. Hamilton for G.E.: We bring dead things to life.

Stephen King for Verizon Wireless: Can you hear me now? ...Good! Go kill everyone around you.

Thomas Harris for the United Negro College Fund: A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Want a taste?

China Mieville for McDonald's Big Mac: Two oily beef patties crawling with secret sauce created in hidden places somewhere beneath the unnamed city at the juncture of two rivers, one south-flowing and one gone sluggish and stagnant, wilted lettuce from the window box of a one-armed nun turned pimp, cheese with verdant, moldy corners made from the milk of a mutated cow force-fed diseased grain, which might also explain the odorous patties as they were, as that farmer's horse vanished on curd-making day, pickled things from the murky bottom of an ancient and ominously rusted barrel, onions or perhaps bunions from the old mayor's feet, cunningly carved to resemble onions, on a bun seeded with disaster, weevils and the lipstick marks from the pouting mouth of the young tart at the serve-all window who had obviously stolen a bite before bagging it.

PBW for The United States Air Force: Aim high. No, higher, nitwit.

Hunter S. Thompson for The Partnership for a Drug-Free America: This is my brain. It's your brain on drugs. Any questions?

Reverend Rick Warren for Volkswagen: Purpose-Drivers wanted.

I have a couple of personal slogans, and someday I'm going to figure out how I can tattoo Blow me on some part of my body without Mom finding out. How about you all? Have you come up with a personal slogan, or have a particular favorite out there in the advertising world?

Twofers

Crime and Punishment
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Of Mice and Men
Pride and Prejudice
Sense and Sensibility
The Master and Margarita
The Old Man and the Sea
The Prince and the Pauper
The Sound and the Fury
War and Peace

What do all these book titles have in common? They're titles that are made up of two nouns and a conjunction. We'll call them towofers. The two nouns can represent anything, but usually they describe something about two characters, or the protagonist and the conflict, or two central aspects of the plot.

Jane Austen was fond of twofers, as were many classic authors. J.K. Rowling has used them exclusively for her series, and you'd be hard-pressed to walk through a romance section at the bookstore and not see a twofer. Category romance publishers have gone a little overboard with their dramatic twofer titles, but I can't deny that when I see something titled The Stinkin' Rich Widowed Tycoon of Titillating Ethnic Origins and The Virginal Gorgeous Easily-Blackmailed Governess, I get the idea of what the story's about immediately.

I tend not to use twofers, as I like short (preferably one-word) titles, but they come in handy when I'm at a complete loss for a title to slap on the pitch. I'm putting together a proposal for Valentin's story, for example, and so far I haven't worked up a decent title. Right now it's called Sun and the Swan Prince; Sun for the name of my female protagonist, and the Swan Prince for Valentin, the Kyn lord who nearly lost an arm in Darkyn book two. It won't be the final title, but it's a good place holder and my editor will get it (I thought about going with Swan's Sun, but it sounds too much like a TV dinner.)

Your assignment today: if you had to create a twofer title for your WIP or your favorite novel, what would it be? Tell us in comments.

Is That Your Self-Promo in my Face, Or....

Janet Elaine Smith had an interesting piece about her methods of self-marketing in the December issue of Writer's Journal, titled How Bold Are You, Really? I've been pondering it along with some other articles I've gathered on the topic. Janet's enthusiasm for self-promotion led a fellow writer to call her a "brazen hussy," which Janet then promptly turned around and used as a title for a Yahoo group she started on self-promotion.

I like that kind of attitude. It tempts me to rename this place. I can't remember which names that I'm not supposed to know about, though, so I'll save it for the industry expose. In any event, being the reserved, quiet soul that I am -- shut up, Jean -- I couldn't do what Janet does, but I admire her energy and enthusiasm. It takes a lot to get out there and do the self-promo dance. There was one tip she mentioned that bothered me, and I'll quote from the article:

"Don't be afraid to interrupt, politely -- even on the internet. If someone in a thread mentions something that pertains to your book, jump in with a bit of BSP (blatant self-promotion)."

I think interrupting a discussion thread solely for the purpose of self-promo is transparently rude. Working in a mention of your book when it's directly related to a topic of discussion, on the other hand, isn't. The line between the two? Very thin.

I'm not against self-promotion. I avoid it whenever possible. Seriously, writers who maintain blogs solely for the purpose of self-promotion, and never post about anything but themselves, their struggles, their work, their releases, their glowing reviews, their personal appearances, etc. are fine with me. If that's all you care about, or all you have to contribute to the publishing blogosphere, go for it. Your weblog will have huge appeal for your readers, and if it's all about you and your work, you'll be safe. With all the ire directed at the writer who dares express an opinion these days, it's probably the smart thing to do.

That said, when you visit another writer's blog or discussion board, you're a guest. If you went to a party at that writer's house in real life, would you jump in the middle of conversations or derail them to talk about yourself? How about walking away from someone who is talking to you the minute the subject is no longer about you, or you've finished pimping yourself to that group and have moved on to the next?

The internet may seem impersonal because we're not talking face-to-face, but that doesn't mean that it is. Insincerity has a very distinct smell to it, even on the web.

Given all the pressure publishers are putting on us to self-promote, what do we do? Maybe we should stop viewing other writer (or any type) weblogs as self-promo opportunities, and see them more as neighbors. Over the years we've become a very large, diverse online community. Do we really want to be reduced to filtered, programmed, self-absorbed Stepford Bloggers, air-kissing each other in comments? Don't we have enough of that going on already?

If you really get involved in a discussion versus playing your own publicist, chances are some of the other visitors will take an interest in you. People who like what you have to say track down your blog or site, stop in to participate in your blog discussions, and best of all, invest in your books. Or, to put it simply, be sincere, and be yourself, and keep your self-promo in your pocket until it's the right time to share.

What do you guys think?

Home Free Ten

Ten Things That Will Cost You Nothing

1. Celtx freeware is geared as pre-production software for screen projects, but can be used by writers with text for novel planning and outlining.

2. Explore characters and conflict with the interactive, artificial intelligence-based art/research experiment in electronic narrative freeware game, Facade.

3. Faces, the "Swiss Army Knife for Project Managers" freeware, may help you outline better.

4. Efficiently sort, store, map and fiddle with your notes via Idea Notes freeware.

5. LangMaker freeware helps you create your own language, evidently in minutes.

6. Create online photo galleries for your web site, or storyboard your novel ideas, with Limon Photo Album freeware.

7. Filter yourself with theabsolute.net's Newspeak Translator freeware, which claims to edit your writing to make it a)old-fashioned and beautiful or b) fashionable and politically correct.

8. Podcasters and VRS users might want to check out the features of StoryHarp freeware.

9. Also from theabsolute.net, a freeware called The Thinking Man's Thesaurus (woman, apparently, still can't think.)

10. Manage the non-writing aspects of being a writer with the trial/lite download of Write Again!

Of interest to all: EctoSoft.com's Info Note freeware allows you to make quick notes with zero hassle.

Home

I'm back, and first thing I have to do is thank my pal Tom for standing in for me. I called him from the highway, asked him to do this on a very bad mobile connection and the man didn't even bat an eyelash. All the upgrade work he did around here while I was out of town looks beautiful. Tommy, you're a prince and a genius, but you know that. I owe you big time.

Now for you guys: your messages, e-mails, comments, prayers and good thoughts went with me every time I drove to the hospital and waited in ICU. I felt them surrounding my dad like invisible body guards. They kept me company, too; I never felt alone, not once, even when I was by myself. For my dad, my mom, and for me, thank you all.

Dad is better and stronger. We should know this week exactly what needs to be done next, and when that will happen. I'll also be heading back to be with him and my mom when he goes in for the next surgery. The parents come before the blog, but I know you understand, and I appreciate it.

Monday Ten will be posted later on today, or as soon as I figure out where all my drafts are on this thing and how to publish them without accidentally ordering nineteen anchovy pizzas, realigning the Hubble, launching an ICBM....

News

The latest news from Lynn: Her dad Tony is getting better, but his next surgery won't be until some time in March. She'll be back online soon.

Lynn's agent sold two new Darkyn novels to N.A.L., which is going to make my wife very happy. Lynn, if you want to make me happy, sell some more Stardoc books. An editor has made an offer to reprint the post Strange Fruit for a writing book. Lynn said she knew those mutant citrus would somehow make it into print.

- Tom

Protag No-Nos

(This is Lynn's Monday Ten post for this week -Tom)

Ten Things I Hate About Your Protagonist

1. Abracadabra Erection Dude: Whenever your protag comes within the line of sight of the love interest, he raises a pole in his pants. Every time. So is this guy mainlining Cialis, or what? Also, the tenting-the-pants reference? Boring now. Please think up another boner euphemism.

2. Freckle Sprinkle Girl: For some reason the freckled protag only has a cute little collection of maybe six freckles on her nose. Real women with freckles generally have them all over: on the shoulders, chest, thighs, keister, everywhere. Personally the only place on my body that isn't freckled are the palms of my hands and the bottoms of my feet. Do the freckles right or lose them.

3. Inexplicably Stumped PI: The mystery PI protag who cannot figure out whodunit until the last page of the book when I got it by page 50? Kill him or her and make someone else the protag. Or I will in my next novel.

4. Love Scene Interruptus: If your protag has more than two love scenes interrupted before mutual cookies are had, he or she is pissing off your reader. Have them do what everyone who gets interrupted does: unplug the phones, lock the doors, turn off the cell phones, pagers and whatnot, put Rover in his kennel, leave the shotgun on the nightstand and keep a can of mace within reach.

5. Needle Teeth: If your vampire protag leaves "pinprick" holes in his blood donor's flesh, it means he or she has needle-thin teeth. Which makes him or her a pinhead. If you're writing vamp fiction but have never personally bitten anyone, take a standard #2 pencil and stab a piece of styrofoam. See the hole it leaves? That's about the size of a standard vamp bite wound. Double it and you've got the bite mark. And repeat after me: Puncture wounds are not pinprick-size unless THEY ARE MADE WITH A PIN.

6. Oncoming Betrayal Headlights: When to rethink the simplicity of your plot and your protag's brain: 1) if the protag cannot see the Major Screw-Over coming at them at warp ten until the anti-matter reactor blows, 2) it involves the protag's love interest and the protag's best friend having wild monkey sex on the protag's bed, desk, sofa or car backseat, or 3) your beta reader spends three chapters muttering, "Come ON, dumbass, wake UP."

7. Supermodel Family Girls: It's been my experience that stunningly beautiful women are devoted to their mirrors, their hairdressers, their mirrors, their botox treatments, their fasting regimes, their mirrors, and their mirrors. If your Heidi Klum-Klone protag was a real woman, she'd be too busy getting parts of herself waxed to have time to spend the afternoon with Stroke-Afflicted Mom at the Disneyworld version of a nursing home.

8. Too Sexy for His Shirt: If your protag spends more than half the novel wearing only cut-offs or pants, you are naked chest-obsessed and he's probably freezing. Put some clothes on him for God's sake.

9. Unconvincing Flaws: Forgetting to water the plants, giggling and dropping things are not character flaws. They're what my twelve year old does when she's not watching Animal Planet or playing The Sims. Give me the real deal.

10. Wolverine Wounds: (Majorie can skip this one) When your human protag is significantly wounded, and does not receive professional medical treatment, they should feel some pain, ooze, groan, experience weakness and dizziness, pass out or at least need to go lie down for a while. This is not the time they should take on the Evil Overlord and his minions, have a sex marathon with the love interest, climb a mountain, duel, run laps, work out, or all of the above. If the wound is open and they do all that stuff they will BLEED TO DEATH.

Tech support

Hello, I'm Tom, Lynn's friend from LA. I'm stepping in to do a little tech support and post news for Lynn while she's down south. She sends her warmest thanks for the prayers and messages you left here. She says to tell you that they worked, because Tony is out of ICU and at home, resting for his next surgery.

You can see that I'm not a writer. But while Lynn is taking care of her family I'll be updating the blog and publishing some posts she had saved for it. Today I transferred it over to the new version of Blogger. Tomorrow I'll start reviewing her archives and tagging the posts to make them easier to search and navigate.

Lynn has given me some subject keywords to use (Monday 10, John & Marcia, Friday 20, worldbuilding, plotting, and so forth) but she told me to ask you for suggestions also. If you have some, leave them for me in comments.

Offline

Yesterday morning my dad, Tony, had a heart attack. He was airlifted to a regional hospital where the surgeons saved his life; but as soon as he's strong enough he will have to have more serious, open-heart surgery. We were able to see him last night in ICU and he's hanging in there.

A few of you know how close I am to my dad. He's been a constant, loving, positive force in my life for the last thirty years. He may not have brought me into the world, but he helped me find my place in it. He is and will always be the father of my heart.

I'll be offline for a few days so I can spend this time with him and my mom, help them get through this. I would be grateful for any prayers and good thoughts you can send his way.

Happy Valentine's Day

One day in the desert a bedouin
looked up and saw a mirage shimmering
ahead. Not water, but the splendor
of a dazzling girl.

In the thirsty, burning desert
among dry thorns, under a shadowless sun
he tried to reach her but instead
of that marvelous love he found death.

In his immaterial, immortal sleep
he still saw the splendor of that girl shimmering ahead, an eternal mirage.
And in his endless dream he began to walk looking for her.

--The Mirage, Avetik Isahakian (1904)

Stuff Happens

While transferring hard copy files from the dinky cabinet to the new, shiny monster occupying the corner of my office, I came across a draft pitch sheet with some old novel ideas, like this one:

Hell on Wheels

Paraplegic Mike Anderson becomes stranded during a vacation rafting expedition for the handicapped on the American River. His only help is a newly-blind woman, former neurosurgeon Rebecca Stark. [Stuff happens, they survive.] Back in Florida Keys, Mike helps Becca accept the disability that ended her career, while she secretly arranges for an operation that may restore the use of Mike's legs [twist: Becca's eyesight is restored, Mike remains in the chair.] ECD: mid-2002

In those days I always took a pitch sheet with me to any publisher event (something I made a habit of after being cornered by Gina Centrello at a national conference and going completely blank-headed.) At the bottom of this particular sheet I wrote: "Polish, keep in purse." That came in handy later, when my editor took me out to dinner and asked me what else I was thinking about writing next. I made her laugh when I took the polished version out of my purse and simply handed it to her.

Hell on Wheels was my favorite of the eight premises I pitched to her that night. I had wanted to do a book featuring Mike Anderson, a wheelchair-bound secondary character from my first romance, Paradise Island. I was advised by a RWA friend that the idea it would not fly because both of the main characters were not beautiful, perfect, abled people. I figured that was its strong point.

But my friend was right -- my editor didn't like handicapped heroes or heroines, or the idea that the ending was (in her view) less than happy for one of them. She nixed all seven of the other premises, too. Some were better (as in more mainstream, less risky) than Mike's story, so it puzzled me.

I found out why when the editor told me the publisher only wanted me to continue the storyline from the trilogy I'd just wrapped up that June. Wrapped up as in finished, done, over, no more stories. Being the cooperative soul that I am, I went home, filed away all my new ideas in my unwritten archives and wrote up what they wanted. Those books became the Jessica Hall novels, which made my publisher happy and added greatly to the savings account.

Stuff happens. You adapt, you compromise, you keep working. Or you don't. Those are the choices we sometimes have to make between creating art and making a living.

What's in your unwritten archives?

Cover Me Ten

Ten Things to Do With Your Cover Art

Important Note: Cover art is copyright-protected. Unless you own the art, always obtain permission to use cover art images, especially for any items you intend to resell, like stuff from CafePress.com.

1. If you've got a one-word or short novel or series title, have it embroidered on a baseball cap like this one: Most major malls have a kiosk embroidery service who can do them for under $10 each; you might get them a bit cheaper if you order in bulk from a logo shop (various prices).

2. Blogger will let you add your cover art to your profile page, which also adds it as an icon whenever you make a signed-in comment and on your blog sidebar under "About Me" (free, max image file size 50K).

3. I know someone is going to want this: How to make bookmarks using tables in Word. For people like me, try How to Make a Duct Tape Bookmark (free).

4. Create digital stickers of your cover art in a variety of sizes at places like 123Stickers.com. Stickers can be applied to anything (various prices).

5. Flickr has a neat a magazine cover generator that allows you to custom-design a magazine-style cover. Use your cover art as the image and do anything from producing a nifty newsletter cover to spoofing yourself (free; click on image to see larger version).

6. Also from Flicker, use your cover art or elements from it to create your own motivational poster (I went with more classic art for mine; free).

7. Office Depot will take your cover art and put it on coffee mugs, t-shirts, mouse pads, die-cut puzzles and more (my sister-in-law used them to make some cover-art gifts for me, and I was impressed by the quality of the end product, which is why I'm recommending them).

8. Photo.Stamps.com will create a sheet of customized postage stamps featuring your uploaded image (about $1.00 per stamp; a bit pricey but a nice collectible or gift for your favorite writer).





9. John Pollock's PageResource.com has some interesting web design articles, including one on Resizing Images and How to Promote Your Artwork Online.

10. BellaOnline's Yvonne Russell has an article here with a list of promotional widgets marketing sends out; she suggests authors make -- you guessed it -- bookmarks.

Dictionary: Impossible

Let's play Dictionary: Impossible.

Writers, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to take out your dictionary and flip through it, then stop on any page at random. Write down the first word you see. Repeat until you have a list of ten words.

subculture
cemetery
excessive
steamroller
nag
cocktail
impute
underproof
borough
nonage

Level 1: Create at least three novel titles using only the words on your list (a, an, the, and other simple words can be added for style.) You have five minutes to complete this level.

Borough Cemetery
An Underproof Cocktail
The Nag
Excessive Nonage
Steamroller Subculture

Level 2: Create a story premise for the titles you've created from your list. If you get caught on this level, PBW will disavow any knowledge of you.

Borough Cemetery: Citizens of a fortified medieval city discover the victims of a strange plague won't stay in their graves.

An Underproof Cocktail: Farmer Bubba's miracle cherries were supposed to soak up the alcohol from the youngsters' drinks, not turn the teens into killer zombies.

The Nag: She knew he loved her; all he needed was a little half-hourly reminder to show it.

Excessive Nonage: How many times could one demi-goddess cheerleader turn sweet sixteen?

Steamroller Subculture: Homeboy heavy equipment operators battle a demon road crew paving the way to hell.

Level 3: Write an opening line for the title/story premises you've created. Should you decide to continue on with the mission, you have exactly thirty minutes to complete this level.

Borough Cemetery

The Baron would have blamed it all on the gravediggers, but theirs were the first bodies left in pieces outside the city's gates.

An Underproof Cocktail

Seein' pictures of that college fella usin' clay teabags to soak up poison outta bad drinkin' water were what gave me the original idear.

The Nag

She'd left him her phone number, written on his bathroom mirror in red lipstick along with a kiss-print and CALL ME LATER.

Excessive Nonage

"Diana Hunter made the squad?" Heather, who had not, turned purple under her crystal rose blush. "She only moved to town like two minutes ago."

Steamroller Subculture

Bodeen climbed down from the barricade truck and walked over to inspect the surveyor's mangled, bloodstained tripod. "Somebody let Julio back up the dozer again?"

Level 4: Write the story to go with one of your opening lines, premises and titles. You may take as much time as you need, but remember that any idea may self-destruct in as little as ten seconds.

Level 5: Write the stories to go with all of them, and you win Dictionary: Impossible.

Winners

I am seriously rocked by the response to the Blood Bound giveaway; not only for everyone taking the time to join in, but also for your author and title recommendations. I'm already making a list for my next trip to the bookstore.

The winners of the giveaway are:

Kristopher Reisz

Maria, Lover of All Things Romance

Terri (whose comment started with: Here are a few authors that I'm really enjoy reading at the moment: L.A. Banks for her Vampire Huntress series.)

Whatafreak

Martie (whose comment started with: J.R. Ward. Despite silly names and an off-putting glossary, she's unmatched at putting tension on every page.)

Winners, please e-mail me at LynnViehl@aol.com with your full name, ship-to address, and if you'd also like a copy of Moon Called so I can get these books out to you. My thanks to everyone for your contributions to all our reading lists, and congratulations to Patricia Briggs, our newest New York Times bestselling author.

Friday 20

Many of you out there are series writers like me. Used to be that a series was like a marriage; the ones that were well-loved, realistically planned and carefully considered could be expected to last longer than the Vegas-wedding types. The writer decided when to call it quits and move on, too.

As competition for slots has increased, and bottom line expectations have escalated, writers are finding that having a series is more like being involved in an illicit affair. If the series performs poorly, the writer is shown the door without ceremony. Publishing doesn't need to mess around with a loser when there are so many other pretty series virgins out there. If the series does well, the writer is praised and immediately put on a very short leash. Publishing doesn't need the writer to mess around writing anything else; it might not perform as well.

Either way it's a creative choke-chain, and if we're not careful, it's going to strangle us.

Writers don't have job security -- we know we're only as good as our last sell-through -- but I think series writers have to readjust the way we think about our novels. Certainly structuring them has become a nightmare. It's almost as if every series has to be open-ended, so that we can continue writing it if it does well, but every series book has to also work as the last novel if we get canned.

Trilogies are the worst. Take it from me: if you're planning to write a trilogy, do your best to sell all three books; don't sign for two and assume they'll buy the third with the next contract. Also, consider what you might write if, after the third novel is published, they tell you that they want more of the same.

I really can't complain too much. As a pro I chose to diversify early on for other reasons, but it definitely helped me avoid the leash. Multi-genre writing isn't for everyone, but if you're up to the juggling act you have a shot at never being owned an/or controlled by one publisher. Writing in more than one genre also flexes your talent muscles, broadens your horizons, and ups the wattage on your resume. There is no better employment insurance than showing that you've got range.

There is no series insurance except success, which can become a trap. There are writers who are happy to keep churning out the series novels for as long as they get contracts, and a few who apparently can only write the same book over and over; these people do benefit from being tethered to a series. However much we series writers love our playgrounds, though, most of us don't want to spend our entire career chained there.

If you're only interested in writing in one genre, then I'd go for writing in different sub-genres and avoid signing away your option to any one publisher. A romance writer who can write historicals, contemporary suspense and paranormals can sell them to three different publishers. You may have to assume a few pseudonyms to keep the powers that be happy, but you'll have three times the playgrounds and three times the store real estate that the one-thing-only writer acquires.

That's all the shop talk I have for you this week. Any questions for me?

Editor No-Nos

Ten Things Editors Probably Shouldn't Do to Their Authors

1. Assign Them Nicknames: Only call your author "kid" if your author is actually younger than you. The older author doesn't take it as a compliment; they probably have purses, rejection letters and marriages that are older than you. Definitely avoid using derogatory nicknames for the author behind their back -- the author will hear about it (see #6.)

2. Drop in on Them: Only drop in on your author at their home after you have called 48 hours in advance to let them know you're in town. When you arrive, don't ask for a tour of their workspace, they probably use a corner of the dining room table. If your author's children are present, refrain from talking to them in baby talk unless they are 18 months old or younger. If you're allergic to pet dander, pet hair, Play-Doh or dust, best invite the author to your hotel or skip the visit altogether. And avoid asking the author to cook for you. You'll live longer.

3. Err on the Title: Try to use the correct title for your author's present manuscript when you talk about it with them. Never guess at it; you'll probably get it wrong and this freaks out your author.

4. Forget Their Calls: If your author is the type who only calls you once or twice a year, and you miss their call, try to return it. If you forget, they will imagine horrible things and never call you again.

5. Lie to Them: If you're going to lie to your author, make sure the author has no other sources of information (like your assistant, co-editor or boss) with whom they can quietly check out if what you said is true.

6. Make Public Complaints: It's best not to complain about your author at conferences. What you say will be repeated word-for-word to your author in an e-mail from someone present who doesn't like you.

6a. Attached to the e-mail will be a candid, unattractive photo of you, too.

6b. Taken while you were drunk and trying to give the conference guest of honor a lap dance.

6c. In front of his wife.

6d. Which your author will then e-mail to all your other authors.

7. Miss Payments: You like getting your weekly paycheck, right? It's nice to pay your author on time, too. If you can't, let them know. If you forget to pay your author for a year or more, don't make excuses. Don't make a cute little joke about it. Just: Mail. The. Check.

8. Object to Revision Questions: If your author questions something involved with the revisions you request, don't immediately assume the author is an ungrateful, egotistic snot trying to usurp your authority, or that the author hates you, or that the author wants to get you fired. It may be something simple, like they can't figure out how you want them to change something, or they can't read your handwriting.

9. Spouse Talking-tos: If you call the house when the author isn't home and speak to the author's spouse, partner or significant other, resist the urge to have a heart-to-heart talk with them about their inability to be supportive of the author's career. It will not make the author's spouse more supportive, and the author will come home to World War III.

10. Tactless Blurb Requests: If you ask your author for a quote for for a newly-signed rookie, avoid referring to the rookie's debut as "the best book I've read all year" if your author has turned in a book in the same year. For one thing, you won't get a quote.

Blood Bound

I've been nagging people for years to read Patricia Briggs, but I've been a particular pain about it ever since she published Moon Called. That's why I shrieked like a fangirl when I saw that her latest novel, Blood Bound, debuted this week at #35 on the USA Today BSL and #12 on the New York Times BSL. At last people are discovering, as I have, what a terrific writer Patricia is.

The second novel in Patricia Briggs's dark fantasy series continues the story of Mercy Thompson, a shape-shifting garage mechanic who tries to live a normal life while dealing with werewolves, vampires and other supernatural forces surrounding her. The novel does not suffer from the dreaded second book syndrome; in fact I think it's better than the first.

The satisfaction this book delivers really surprised me. After reading Moon Called, I wanted to know more about what it's like for Mercy in her other-than-human form. I was also curious about the hierarchy and culture of the vamps in her world, and just how dangerous they could be. I flat-out fell in love with Adam and Samuel, and couldn't wait to see how their involvement with Mercy was going to progress. Patricia Briggs delivers all that plus some in Blood Bound while somehow making it an excellent standalone novel as well.

As always, you don't have to take my word for it. In comments to this post, name an author who regularly surprises you (or, if you have not yet discovered such a story magician, just throw your name in the hat) by midnight EST on Friday, February 9, 2007. I'll draw five names at random from everyone who participates and send the winners an unsigned copy of Blood Bound by Patricia Briggs. Giveaway bonus: if any winner has not yet read Moon Called, I'll throw in an unsigned copy of that one, too. Giveaway open to everyone on the planet, even if you've won something at PBW in the past.

February: Database

This month's biz post is about creating a database of industry info for contact purposes. This is your index to everyone else in the business, something you need for queries, proposals and other types of submissions. It's also a great way to create your own who's who and get to know your colleagues.

What you put into this database can be custom-tailored to your needs, but you'll probably need to maintain contact lists for agents, editors, publishers, and other writers. Optional databases would be lists of who is approachable, whose marriage is in trouble, who's a quote slut, who could turn a chunk of coal into a diamond by sitting on it, etc.

Agents: There are all sorts of indexes and books you can buy on agents, but I find most of them are outdated within a year of publication. I recommend using The Association of Author's Representatives web site, because the agents are required to follow the AAR's canon of ethics, plus it's free. Here's a sample listing from their database:

Last Name: Anderson
First Name: Kathleen
Company: Anderson Literary Management, Inc.
Address 1: 12 W. 19th Street
Address 2:
City: New York
State: New York
Zip: 10011
Country: USA
URL: http://www.andersonliterary.com
Submission Guidlines: by mail: fiction: 50 pages plus bio and query
nonfiction: narrative proposal including overview and resume
by email: all email queries should be addressed to terry@andersongrinberg.com. queries sent to other addresses will be forwarded there.

Email address for queries: terry@andersongrinberg.com
Literary: TRUE
Dramatic: TRUE
Adults: TRUE
Children: TRUE
Photo: Not Available
Accepting e-mail queries: yes
Genre: African American Studies, Americana/Regional, Anthropology, Archeology, Asian Studies, Behavioral Services, Biography, Children's Books, Essays, Fiction, Fiction/African-American, Fiction/Asian-American, Fiction/Gay & Lesbian, Fiction/International, Fiction/Latino or Hispanic, Fiction/Literary, Fiction/Short Stories, Fiction/Thrillers, Fiction/Women's, Geography/Geology, Government/Political Science, Health/Nutrition, Historical Fiction, History, Human Relations, Humor, Journalism, Memoir, Native American Studies, Natural History, Non-fiction (general), Non-Fiction/Narrative, Philosophy, Politics, Pop-Culture, Psychology/Psychiatry, Religion, Science (general), Social Sciences/Sociology, Travel, Women's Studies, Young Adult Fiction
Accepting New Clients: TRUE

A lot of good, specific information there for Ms. Anderson. You may also want to start tracking how quickly agents respond to queries, what sort of feedback you receive from them, who their other clients are. We'd all like to know if they're easily swayed by gifts of gourmet chocolate, dinners at French restaurants, begging and pleading, tears, threats of suicide and the like, so feel free to share that information.

Editors: You'll find a few sites out there like this one that provide free lists of editor contacts, but remember that editors move around (Jennifer Heddle, for example, is listed as Roc's editor; she's actually working over at Pocket now. Ace editor Anne Sowards is doing most of the editing for Roc these days.) I recommend going to the publisher's web site and checking to see if they have a contact info and/or submission guidelines page. For example, Kensington Books has an excellent contact page; scroll down to see their submission guidelines and editorial staff listed by name with their specialty and e-mail addy.

Do not keep databases of editors whom you have surreptitiously photographed while they were intoxicated and trying to hit on the GoH in front of his wife. What happens at the con, stays at the con. Plus we'd like to use the pics for the Editors Gone Wild newsletter.

Publishers: We've talked before about who the major publishers are, but they all have different divisions, lines, categories and imprints. There are also plenty of smaller publishers, houses and presses out there. Because we write by genre, the most logical way to classify publishers is by the genre they publish (and many will publish much more than one.)

Writer's Digest puts out a doorstop-size Writer's Market every year if you want to invest in a copy; the information becomes quickly outdated, though (why else would they print a new edition every year?) It's rather pricey, so I recommend getting it from the library. One of my old tricks was to go to the bookstore and write down the names of imprints on the spines of books that were shelved in the genre I was interested in, then come home and look up their web site.

Some writers have already compiled genre publisher list and made them available them online (like the Passionate Pen's list of romance publishers or Overbooked.org's Crime Fiction publisher links.) Verify the contact info if you're not sure how up-to-date these lists are.

By the way, PBW's Database of Publisher Horror Stories As Told By Other Writers does not exist. It's an urban myth, like Bigfoot. Really.

Other writers: I think we all keep contact lists of writer friends, but you may want to create one for writers in your genre for things like making quote requests, meeting at cons, networking on promo, getting recommendations on specific editors/publishers and so forth. Most pro writers have a web site or weblog with an e-mail addy listed or a contact e-mail form you can fill out to request one. Don't feel snubbed if you don't get a response; some writers are a bit leery about giving out their contact info, or are so flooded with e-mail that they might not have the time/opportunity to respond.

Then there are writers whom you shouldn't contact because they're complete jackasses or raving maniacs, but you have to compile that list personally -- just like the rest of us did.

There are plenty of database, organizer and contact freewares out there, but I'd go with our blog pal Simon Haynes's Sonar submission tracking program to manage your agent, editor and publisher information. I also recommend regularly backing up your databases and, if you're as paranoid as I am, printing out a hard copy for your files at least once a year.

Other biz posts:
January: Plan

Cheap Date Ten

Ten Things That Won't Cost You a Dime

Freeware caution: always scan free downloads of anything for bugs and other threats before dumping the programs into your hard drive.

1. While hunting for a color picker freeware for the Mac users out there, I found one listed over at Tucows.com, aptly named: ColorFinder.

2. Need some accounting software for your home business but can't afford the pricey stuff? CompuEx's free version of Express Accounting "offers a comprehensive suite of integrated financial accounting and operations management modules covering Accounts, Bank, Inventory, Sales and Receivable, Purchase and Payable, Tax Management, and a comprehensive Financial and Management Reports via Crystal Reports."

3. FontPage freeware by Bluefive Software allows you to "view any typeface in bold, italic, underline and also 3D. In addition, you can also compare two selected fonts and preview fonts that are not yet installed on your system. FontPage can also print a sample page for selected fonts or print a list of all installed fonts."

4. Make your online book reading easier and more enjoyable with JimiSoft's JMReader freeware (note: it doesn't look like it supports .pdf formats.)

5. Get the reading level of any piece of text with ReadingRater (I thought this one might be helpful for YA and other age-specific fiction writers.)

6. AdSa's Responding Heads voice recognition freeware allows you to use voiced commands to control your computer.

7. Took me a while to track him down, but Richard Salsbury is still out there, with a new, 3.0 version of his excellent freeware for writers, Rough Draft.

8. Text Block Writer, the freeware version of virtual index card software Text Block Author, is available with new features and some bug fixes in version 1.17.

9. Tucows.com also offers a shareware free trial of The Writer's Organizer 5.6, which sounds like another virtual index card program with a few more features. According to the preview info, you can "create an unlimited number of pages, full of cards. Cards can be of ten different kinds including character cards, faith and cultures cards, market cards and languages. These cards may be linked to each other and to external files such as word processor documents." There's also a submission tracking system that "allows you to keep track of where you have submitted stories" and a financial utility that "lets you see how much you are earning and how much you are spending on writing."

10. Organize your ideas, notes and projects with xJournal freeware.

Finally, if you'd like to find freeware written in something other than English, you can search the available downloads by language over at Freeware World Team.

Back & Winners

I apologize for my temporary absence, folks. Aside from the power and communication issues, the aftermath of these tornadoes really upset my kids. They went through a lot during the 2004 hurricane season, but in some ways this was worse. I know you won't mind that I made being mom my priority today.

Also, thanks to everyone who sent their congratulations to Rob via the RGB in FLA giveaway. You can catch his reaction at the end of the comment thread. I drew the names of the winners, and they are:

danetteb

aka_Nik

Jess (whose comment began with *happy dance* YAY! Debuts are inspirational.)

Winners, please e-mail me at LynnViehl@aol.com with your full name and ship-to address so I can get these books out to you.

I'll be answering the Friday 20 questions tonight and tomorrow, so keep an eye on the comment thread. I appreciate everyone's patience, and hopefully I'll be back on schedule by Monday.

Friday 20

In an introduction to a collection of poems I've been reading by Robert Browning, Horace Gregory complained of the poet's "heartiness", in that it "conceals the cold heart, the inarticulate loneliness -- the wish to be Oh, so friendly -- so homespun, so eager to call everyone by the first name -- and beneath it, a deadly chill." He also compared Browning's strength of personality to a will that would not give in, a wholesale insensibility to poetic art, and (shudder) the act of shaking hands with an American.

Robert, you bad man.

Horace Gregory continues to slam Browning through his intro for another ten pages before he finally shuts up and Browning's work begins. Gregory's venting is pretty mild stuff (circa 1956) compared to what's written about authors these days, but it's obvious that Gregory considered himself way above Browning.

I can't say I agree. Robert Browning was an interesting 19th century poet who wrote some kickass verse. One of them, Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came, inspired Stephen King's Dark Tower books. Browning is remembered more for being married to Elizabeth Barrett, as well as being the subject of many of her love poems. Of particular note, #43 from Sonnets from the Portuguese, which starts off with one of the most famous lines of poetry in history: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I know there's more, that's just what I can think of off the top of my head.

20th century intro-writer Horace Gregory, on the other hand, I'd have to look up. Never heard of the dude.

Someday we will all be gone. I know that when I buy the farm, I'm leaving behind a body of work that can speak for me. Whether it will or not is up to the readers of the future. Chances are very slim that mine will; only a few books have that marvelous ability to carry their authors's voices for decades or centuries. The cool thing is that writing always levels the field; everyone has the same shot at becoming a Browning.

That's all the writer philosophy I'll inflict on you for this week. Any questions out there for me?

Storm update: A band of storms and tornadoes that came through our area during the middle of the night knocked out our power here, but we're fine, and so are our families. Please keep the victims of the storms in your thoughts and prayers; one of the major retirement areas was hit pretty hard. I'll check in and answer questions today when possible.

RGB in FLA

Guess what I found at the bookstore today:



It's a beautiful book, with very cool cover art -- you've got to see it up close to get the full impact. It's very classy, too. Reminds me a lot of my first novel. Okay, there aren't any bioengineered surgeons, maroon preying mantis nurses, nectarine porcupine orderlies or unconscious reptilian slavers giving birth to killer quintuplets on Rob's. But aside from those little details, they could be identical.

I should take this opportunity to offer some wise old crone writer advice to the author now. Not that he needs it, but still. I think we've covered why one shouldn't get their first title tattooed in the bikini area (can't show it off to anyone at cons and booksignings) and how to properly accessorize a powder pink twin set (pearls, always go with pearls)...

I know: Rob, if your production team suggests putting any type of leaping, dolphin-like alien lifeform on the cover of the next book?
Say NO.

We absolutely must celebrate this debut, so in comments to this post, please pass along your congratulations to Rob by midnight EST on February 2, 2007. I'll draw three names at random from everyone who participates and send the winners an unsigned copy of Kiss Her Goodbye by Robert Gregory Browne. Giveaway open to everyone on the planet, even if you've won something here at PBW in the past.

Synful Trio

#1: Someone (you know who you are) asked me if there was a one-size-fits-all-genres synopsis template anywhere on the web. I found a site that offered instructions on how to create your own template using Microsoft Word, which will make and store a blank template formatted for a synopsis (you still have to write it.)

#2: While looking for the template, I found the Vivian Beck Agency, and their excellent page on 5 Steps to Writing a Synopsis. If you get mired down in writing synopses, or don't understand them, definitely check this out.

#3: Although I've not yet found a synopsis-generating software program that doesn't cost an arm and leg, our blog pal Simon Haynes's yWriter freeware can be used to create a synopsis using the summary data entered for each chapter. Another reason to adore Simon: he understands our pain.

I think I got over my serious dread of synopses by following some advice to write one for a novel by one of my favorite authors. Great practice, and no pressure involved.

What's the best synopsis tip you've ever gotten?

Plot Algebra

Plot Algebraic Equations

Aphrodite's Curve Ball [H + H + A = LT]

To plot a love triangle, find the sum of the hero, heroine, and antagonist.

Boolean Secret Baby [H + H = (H + H)2 = H2 + 2H2 + H2 = H + 2H + H = H + H + H + H = B]

If the hero and heroine get together often enough, they will simplify their relationship, work out all their problems, and have a baby in last chapter.

Habeas Crime Fictionous [P / BLI + ES / TA = DB]

Protagonist divided by bimbo love interest plus ethnic sidekick divided by thuggish antagonist equals dead body.

Janus's Law of Duplicity [PT + RH = -A, P = A]

If the plot twists and red herrings do not result in an antagonist, then the protagonist is the antagonist.

Moufang Switcheroo [(PL)(IA) = P(LI)A

If the protagonist shares a love interest with the antagonist, then the love interest is out to screw one or both of them.

Properties of the Pissed-off [P < C, P + M (?GS + CC?) > C]

The protagonist is less than conflict, but the protagonist plus motivation is greater than conflict, especially if great sex and a cute chick are added into the equation.

Unending Order of the Infinite Series [P + . . . . + (C/(infinity)).FI = (number of open threads/2). (first + last motivations)=(infinity/2).(P+(C/(infinity)).FI)=(infinity/2).(P/(infinity)).A =(A-P)/Advance = KJA]

The bestselling fiction series shall be written until the publisher goes belly-up or the author drops dead, in which case Kevin J. Anderson will take over writing it.

(And they said that I'd never use it after high school. Ha.)

Extra credit: write an algebraic equation for your WIP or favorite novel in comments.

Winner & Write Stuff Ten

The victim winner of the Test Subject Needed giveaway is leatherdykeuk, aka Rachel Green, who should e-mail me at LynnViehl@aol.com with your ship-to address so I can begin the torture send along the DVD and cards. Thanks to everyone for joining in -- as soon as I get in more cards, I'll have another volunteer giveaway.

Ten Things for the Writing Freeware Lovers

Freeware caution: always scan free downloads of anything for bugs and other threats before dumping the programs into your hard drive.

1. Type faster and more accurately with a free trial version of As-U-Type.

2. Extend the power of your Clipboard with ClipMagic freeware.

3. FlashPeak.com's IntelliEdit 1.0 freeware "is a Rich Text Editor powered by smart autocompletion. It can autocomplete words and phrases, auto-expand shorthands. It can even learn new words and phrase while typing."

4. Pot Boiler novel writing software offers a free trial version for download that's the same as the full version except for disabled file load and save features.

5. Add your favorite phrases, signature blocks and other frequently-used phrases with the freeware version of Quick Phrase.

6. Have your computer read your WIP back to you with Sayz Me freeware.

7. You can test drive some of the features of "The Writer's Software Companion" by downloading Storyline Interactive freeware.

8. Text Explosion is an abbreviation expander and can be used to auto-correct common spelling errors.

9. Replace your NotePad with WordTabs freeware.

10. Another Clipboard extender freeware, YC3, remembers the last 200 things you placed on your clipboard.

Reader freebies: The University of Virginia Library Electronic Text Center offers over 2,100 books for reading online or for download in Microsoft Reader and Palm format.

Story Clay

That which has been is what will be,
That which is done is what will be done,
And there is nothing new under the sun.

--Ecclesiastes 1:9, (NKJV)

In his diary, Michelangelo wrote the following about creating his very famous sculpture of David:

"The City Council asked me to carve a colossal David from a nineteen-foot block of marble -- and damaged to boot! I locked myself away in a workshop behind the cathedral, hammered and chiseled at the towering block for three long years. In spite of the opposition of a committee of fellow artists, I insisted that the figure should stand before the Palazzo Vecchio, as a symbol of our Republic. I had my way. Archways were torn down, narrow streets widened...it took forty men five days to move it. Once in place, all Florence was astounded. A civic hero, he was a warning...whoever governed Florence should govern justly and defend it bravely. Eyes watchful...the neck of a bull...hands of a killer...the body, a reservoir of energy. He stands poised to strike."

I love those four words: "I had my way." They still ring with Michelangelo's satisfaction.

The "damaged to boot" part is the interesting part, though. Another artist -- Agostino di Duccio -- had started working on that particular marble block forty years earlier, but for whatever reason had failed to make anything out of it. There aren't any photographs of the original marble block, but some biographies hint that Agostino had also been working on depicting David, and that Michelangelo had picked up where he left off.

In the writing world, it's often said that there are no new stories. What we write has already been done, and our books are nothing new under the sun. Chiseled in marble, statues of perfection, might as well give it up, etc.

Unless you consider that the writer can be the new factor in the equation.

Paying homage to what has been done (or, if you look at it from another view, ripping off someone else's work) by producing knock-offs isn't the same thing; look at what's happened to poor Tolkien over the years. Knock-offs may not be illegal, but they are troubling. No matter how they tweak it, if a writer doesn't bring anything new to a story, they're only creating a poor imitation.

Maybe it's the storyteller's sacred obligation to do whatever they can to bring something fresh to every story. Everyone sees things differently; the best storytellers show us old favorites via such a different angle that we see them in an entirely new light.

Take one of the most beloved myths in the world: Pygmalion, another story about a block of marble. Pygmalion brought his vision of the perfect woman to the stone and created Galatea, whom Aphrodite brought to life. Which inspired George Bernard Shaw, who adapted the myth for the stage, which eventually became the musical My Fair Lady; Stephen King to write his novel Carrie (and yeah, we've debated this one for years, but I still think it's a twisted version); the 1999 movie She's All That, in which high school jock Freddie Prinze Jr. turns a geeky Rachael Leigh Cook into a prom queen.

Cinderella, Pretty Woman, Miss Congeniality, The Princess Diaries -- they all have their roots in Pygmalion. Even Jessica Hall, may she rest in peace, drew on the myth as inspiration for the relationship and characters of the protagonists in her novel Heat of the Moment*. What makes them unique is not the mythic foundation upon which they're built, but how the storytellers used that, not as marble to worship, but as clay to be remolded into their individual vision of love and transformation. They reshaped it with their tools, touch and inner vision into something new under the sun. That's what can never be duplicated.

*I know, I have to stop talking about myself in third person.

Test Subject Needed

I need to experiment on one of you. You don't mind, right?

Remember that workshop thing I was talking about last week? I've transferred the VHS tape over to a DVD, but the sound quality is a little iffy, and I'm not sure it's clear enough to be useful (I know what we're saying in the tape so it's hard for me to judge.)

If you're interested, throw your name in the hat in comments by midnight EST on Sunday, January 28, 2007. I'll draw one name at random from everyone who does and send the winner the workshop DVD along with a deck of Archetype Storytelling Cards as my thanks for screening the DVD (which you can also keep.) Test giveaway open to everyone on the planet, even if you've won something here at PBW in the past.

Friday 20

(Jordan did this to me. And she will pay.)

Womens Fiction Book Meme

Contemporary, Historical, or Paranormal? Unless it's Balogh, Valdez, or I can't get to sleep, not historical.

Hardback or Trade Paperback or Mass Market Paperback? You have to ask? Mass market paperback.

Heyer or Austen? Please. Austen.

Amazon or Brick and Mortar? Amazon's business practices drove me back to brick and mortar.

Barnes & Noble or Borders? Barnes & Noble online, mainly because they aren't affiliated with Amazon, and they've always given me great customer service. Borders brick and mortar because their store is less stodgy and their stock more interesting.

Woodiwiss or Lindsay? Hmmm. Who to choose. Lindsay because she's more prolific. And she has better hair.

First romance novel you ever remember reading? True romance? "Bride of the Rif" by Margaret Rome. And yep, I still have the book.

Alphabetize by author Alphabetize by title or random? Author then pub date, genre, and degree of re-readability. What? It's my system.

Keep, Throw Away or Sell? Always donate or pass along to family, friends and readers.

Read with dustjacket or remove it? Dustjacket stays on lately because the pup likes to chew anything made of paper.

Sookie Stackhouse or Anita Blake? I have to admit, I've given up on both.

Stop reading when tired or at chapter breaks? Read straight through or stop at whatever point in the book I am when the current domestic crisis reaches critical mass.

It was a dark and stormy night or Once upon a time? Who wrote this meme? My mother? Neither.

Crusie or SEP? In a cage match? Definitely Susan.

Buy or Borrow? Buy unless out of print, then borrow.

Buying choice: Book Reviews, Recommendation or Browse? Wave the pork butt in front of the starved tiger's nose, why don't you? Recs or browse.

Tidy ending or Cliffhanger? Cliffhanger. Or, if you're my editor and you're reading this, tidy ending.

Morning reading, Afternoon reading or Nighttime reading? Quantum reading. I like to read when I'm relaxing in the particle accelerator.

Series or standalone? Exemplary standalones that don't leave me wanting to punch out the author over the ending; otherwise, bring on the series.

Favorite book of which nobody else has heard?
La nuit des temps par René Barjavel.

To be extra mean, I'm tagging everyone who asks a question in comments today.

Learn Free

Thanks to the internet, writers can now attend classes and workshops from any spot on the globe. No classrooms. No spine-rearranging desks lined in wads of used gum. No snotty teacher to grab you by the sleeve and say, Well, Miss Smartie, why don't you stand up and read whatever you've been writing to the whole class?

By the way, kids, if you ever are caught writing an honest ode to your teacher's face, personality and the way she smells instead of watching her slaughter a sentence on the chalkboard, don't read your poem out loud to the class. Instead, recite Shakespeare's 29th sonnet -- she won't recognize it and you'll avoid a referral and a lengthy debate with the principal over your rights under the first ammendment (which I still think I should have won, Mr. Beale.)

Here are some online classes that anyone can afford:

Of interest to journalers and bloggers -- Gerry Starnes offers Conversations Within, an online workshop on journal writing.

Need a critique partner but live in the boondocks? Critters Workshop is described as "an on-line workshop/critique group for serious writers of Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror. You get your work critiqued in exchange for critiquing the work of others, both of which are invaluable ways to improve your writing."

The 2007 Crusie Mayer Writing Workshop is "A year-long workshop, updated twice weekly, on the craft of writing a novel presented by NY Times best-selling authors Jenny Crusie and Bob Mayer" (appears to be free; is being used as a test/info gathering exercise for a nonfic writing book the authors are planning to write.)

If you didn't get enough of it in school, the fiends at DailyGrammar.com will e-mail you a "short, fun grammar lesson Monday-Friday. There will also be a quiz each Saturday." Of course. There is always a quiz. No doubt given by the same twisted mind who paired the words "fun" and "grammar."

For 120 classes in a wide variety of subjects and courses, check out Free-ed.net.

Author Steven Barnes has a free writing class online: Lifewriting. He describes it as "the complete text of the 9-week writing class I've taught for years at UCLA."

News University offers some free courses like Get Me Rewrite: The Craft of Revision and Online Project Development for registered users; registration is free.

Paradigm Online Writing Assistant bills itself as "an interactive, menu-driven, online writer's guide and handbook written in HTML and distributed freely over the WWW."

According to the website intro, Storyarts six week on-line writing workshop is geared more toward helping writers who are just starting out; syllabus can be found here.

Now, your turn: what sort of writing classes (topic, length, type of class) would you like to see offered online?