This is something I wrote when Jericho was only a few years old. It still cracks me up.
My Cat's New Year's Resolutions
1. I will not catch lizards. If I do, I will not eviscerate them on my human's bed pillow.
2. I will not cough up hair balls on my human's prized 1940 Dresden fan quilt.
3. When my human enters the kitchen, it is not always to get me Pounce treats. I will be understanding about this.
4. I will kiss my human before I wash my butt.
5. I will not grab my brother in a stranglehold and pretend to tear out his throat in front of my human's guests.
6. When I have gas, I will be polite and go fart in the other room.
7. I will not lie in the litter box pretending I am Simba Master of All He Surveys while my brothers are waiting to use it.
8. The flat cans with the smiling fish on them are not for me.
9. I will not knock over and rearrange the large stacks of paper my human produces to make a bed for myself.
10. I will not sit and stare at my human when she sits in the bathtub, no matter how weird I think she looks with those tea bags and that mayonnaise on her face.
11. I will stop plotting to get rid of the short humans.
12. I will stop trying to squeeze between the balcony railings to catch dragonflies. I will remember if I miss it's a three story drop into a canal.
13. Whatever my human drinks in those mugs is too hot and not for me.
14. I will not glare, hiss, or growl at the guests who smell like dog. I will understand some humans are simply not worthy of feline ownership.
and finally --
15. I will not sneak into the closet, climb into the big box and chew off the corners of my human's author copies.