Ten Things I Don't Want for Christmas
Chicken Soup for [Anything] Books: Personally I find reading inspirational story-themed anthologies a bit like being gently and repeatedly hammered over the head with a pillow in which someone has inserted a brick. Also, I'm not currently suffering from anything that requires literary chicken soup. If that should change my eyes are probably going to be too swollen to read, so how about you instead bring me a box of tissues and a nice cup of tea?
Chocolate-Flavored Body Paint: Interesting, but it probably contains sugar, so no.
Gourmet Popcorn: While I do like popcorn, I don't like it so much that I can eat a barrel of it before it goes stale.
Jarred Food Gift-to-Make: As pretty as those ingredients are layered in those mason jars, what you're actually doing is giving me more work to do during the holidays, which I don't actually need, thanks. If you want me to have cookies, make the cookies for me.
Jewelry Holder: I can't wear rings or bracelets or necklaces anymore due to arthritis-related issues, so I gave all of my jewelry to the daughter. I own exactly one pair of earrings, which I wear all the time, so I am my own jewelry holder.
Quilting Gadget: I own them all already. Seriously. Even that handy magnetic wrist pin holder/picker-upper.
Personalized Pillowcases: My guy and I remember which side of the bed is ours (I'm left, he's right.) The cat will also probably either puke on them or sharpen his claws on them, at which point they will become personalized cleaning rags.
Sausage and Cheese Food Gifts: Not healthy or very tasty, and we're watching our cholesterol and chemical preservative intake. If you must food gift us send organic fruit, please.
Smart Technology of Any Variety: I'm not interested in ignoring people so I can fiddle with some device while they fiddle with theirs or stare at the top of my head.
Writers Do It [insert risque phrase] T-shirt: Cute but not something I'd wear. Also, no one wants to think about how I do it at my age, sweetie.
What don't you want for Christmas? Let us know in comments.
Thursday, December 03, 2015
Gift Pass Ten
Posted by the author at 7:00 AM
Labels: humor, ten things
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Scented candles, or scented anything. I re-gift them endlessly.ReplyDelete
Out of curiosity, what would you like for Christmas? In case your family is reading. :)
I've asked the family for the only thing I want now each Christmas-- everyone to gather and have a meal together. It's actually an insanely difficult gift to make happen, given all their different work schedules. But I'm hopeful. :)Delete
On the more practical.doable side, one thing no one ever gives me is a yard of pretty fabric. I think everyone is worried that they'll pick out something I don't like, which given my love of quilting is pretty much impossible.
Star Trek calendar. I know I'm a Star Trek fan and have been for over 30 years, but I'm done on the calendars now. I think I've had every variation possible and don't want any more. I'll never say not to pretty fabric though.ReplyDelete
Bath and shower items. It takes me forever to use these things since I'm a no frills kind of girl in the bathroom. I'm still using the set I got two Christmases ago!ReplyDelete
Fabric, money, sweets, and technology type items are always good for me.
I saw something today and thought of you (and Fran K) - it was a pin cushion shaped like an ATM keypad. It said 'Enter your PIN'. Cute thought, but I would never send it to anyone.ReplyDelete
Hubs and I aren't getting each other anything again this year. Don't need anything. Don't want anything. =o)
Hey B E, I love the sound of that pin cushion - wicked or what?Delete
I have so many things I need like...paint, flooring, a bathroom re-do...you know, normal, every day, I-hate-this-house-and-have-to-change-it-so-it's-mine stuff. So I'm getting the husband something he needs for his barn and he's getting me...I don't know. I almost don't care. Giving to a charity would be the easiest thing.ReplyDelete
Candles. I will never use them. As a house fire survivor with four kids, three cats, and a dog, you'd think people would have figured this out by now! (Wax scent melts, on the other hand, will get used sooner or later, as long as they're not a totally hideous smell.)ReplyDelete
Massaging slippers, neck things, or whatever the gifts are in the I-don't-know-what-to-give-random-adults section at your favorite store. Just... no.
Kitchen appliances. Unless you know for sure which ones I don't have and actually want. (Hint: It's not a crock pot, no matter the size, I promise you. The five you've given me cover the spectrum, thank you kindly.)
Clothing, especially ugly coats/sweaters, and top/bottom pajama sets. I will accept ultra fuzzy warm socks, sweatshirts, and nightshirts - just please, for my eyeballs, consider what colors and patterns I've never in my whole life worn - and don't chose them!
Lotion, bubble bath, makeup, and all that sort of thing... no thank you. Chances are, I'd react allergically anyway.
Things that would make GOOD gifts:
Windchimes that sound good, no matter the style.
Cookie cutters that cannot be bought in local stores.
Board or card games that we don't have. (Verifying non-ownership is a must - we have over 300.)
Warm and fuzzy blankets (or 2-3 yard pieces of fleece) are lovely.
And for those at a total loss: gift card(s) for Amazon, Powells, Rainbow Resource, or local, PDX, or online game stores would always be appreciated. (Dutch Bros would work, too.)