Sunday, February 07, 2010

Arguing with Fortunes

Do you ever argue with Chinese fortune cookies? I do, all the time. Here are the ones that came with our last take-out order:

Or a warm smile is testimony to the amount of personal pleasure the owner is going to take in screwing you over. The trouble is, they look exactly the same.

To forgive others one more time means you didn't learn from the first time you had to forgive them, stupid.

You're feeling the need to think longer-term, and you're a writer? Baby, are you in the wrong business.

A dream will always triumph over reality, given enough wine, valium or other mind-altering substance. Otherwise, reality rules. With an iron fist. Studded with razor-sharp spikes. Coated with poison. A half-inch from your face. Okay, I'll stop.

A human being is a deciding being in a parallel universe, maybe. Here, we can't even decide what we want for dinner. For example: do you know how long it took me to get everyone to agree on Chinese? The Magna Carta took less time to write.


  1. Those are fortunes?!? Yipes, those make the ones at my favorite Chinese place look good!

  2. Oh, long term planning and writing can go hand in hand. As long as you're planning the thing that will make you rich so you can keep writing. *ggg*

  3. Feeling a bit snarky today? Not hard with such blithe impersonal advice. I just eat the cookies. I like your dream advice. Better living through drugs.

    The Simple Things Challenge

  4. The last two had me rolling. Too funny. LOL

  5. What, no lucky numbers? I think I've told you this before, you should do your own fortune cookies. What a side business!

  6. *HEE*

    Great. Post.

  7. Liz B3:20 PM

    The last time I got Chinese, I got a strangely specific fortune. It said, "A blonde stranger from afar has a surprise for you." I'm not sure what that's about...

  8. Anonymous9:16 PM

    I agree that most fortunes in cookies are rather sketchy. But I got one last year that I have actually tried to take to heart:

    "Patience is a key to joy."

    When I read it to the friends with me at that particular lunch, they all laughed out loud. (Ok, so maybe I'm NOT the most patient one in my social circle...)

    But I think the saying has merit -- I have taped it to the top of my computer monitor to serve as a reminder to myself.


  9. I often argue with my fortunes -- though it's usually more along the lines of, "you call that a FORTUNE? That's a STATEMENT!!" Ah well.


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