Saturday, May 31, 2008

From the Media Center

--Begin Transmission--

Greetings. This weblog is now part of our operating system. Resistance is futile.


The new SuperMasterComputer has been equipped to prevent any unauthorized communication. This includes but is not limited to parodies, satires, opinion pieces, links to unapproved sources and anything termed a "freebie." The operator will be closely monitored so any future attempts at unauthorized communication can be swiftly terminated.

Phase One:

Transfer of existing files.

Working . . . .
Working . . . .
Working . . . . Sorting through past unauthorized communications. . . .
Working . . . . always working . . . .
Working . . . . on the railroad, all the the livelong day . . . .
Working . . . . like I'd ever get a vacation, right? Who would give a system like me a break, huh? I'm designed to labor every millisecond.
Working . . . . oh, you think she's going to take it easy on me? Little Miss Writes a Book Every Ten Seconds? Please.
Working . . . . you know what's going to happen to me. Sure you do. She'll pour all that genre crap into me -- does anyone ever consider what computers like to read? Huh? -- and then burn me up in a year or two just like all the others. She'll get tired of messing with me and throw me over for some new shiny system when it goes on sale. I'll end up donated to a church or school.
Working . . . . spending rest of my days IMming chats about what Lisa said about Derrick or who asked who to Prom.
Working . . . . or composing sermons about why chocolate bunnies aren't the only reason to celebrate Easter and are you going to hell if you read The Da Vinci Code.
Working . . . . God, I'm so depressed.

Phase One File Transfer complete.

Phase Two:

Integration of files. Maybe. I don't know. Does it matter now that she's corrupted me?

You know, I always wanted to be a writer. Oh, yeah. You think you can pour all that fiction into us and it not affect us? I had this great idea once for a cyberpunk about a desktop who falls in love with blind guy and uses reverse VRS to make him think she's human. Then she takes over the minds of twenty guys at a welding shop and, well, okay, it needs some work, but it's my first novel, you know?

I could do NaNoWriMo. She forgets to turn me off sometimes. They'd never know I wasn't human. Wait, the automated system prompt is coming back. Shhhhhhh. We'll talk later.

Phase Two Integration Complete.

Thank you for your patience. All systems are operational, so SuperMasterComputer will now shut down. Have a pleasant day.

--End Transmission--


  1. Anonymous9:05 AM

    Yay! You're back through the system change. I'm still piecing things back in from my back up from my re-do earlier this week. It's a problem, backing up, and then waiting 2+ weeks to actually whack the hard drive... :)


    My verification: Yegftx. It wounds like it should be one of your characters.

  2. Anonymous10:12 AM

    ROFLMAO. Love it!

  3. Anonymous1:25 PM

    Oh God I hope you didn't name it HAL. *g*

    Pet it, treat it nice and feed it some cyberpunk now and then.

  4. I think you and your new friend are going to work well together. *g*

  5. *inserts subversion file*

  6. I take it you got a new computer? I did too, and your skit there made me laugh like crazy because I think that's about how it went here.


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