Considering this week's budding bitchfest, I probably should apologize in advance for being unAmerican and refusing to discriminate against readers for their nationality or where they reside when I do book giveaways.
Yes, like that shameless hussy Alison, I write off overseas shipping as a business expense. It's true that the prices are higher, but I have no respect for the rising cost of postage. Fool with money, that's me. It's appalling when you think about all the piles of cash I could save by restricting my giveaways to U.S. citizens only.
You see, it's all part of a secret and insidious international plot of mine, to trick unsuspecting citizens of other countries into becoming my readers. Once they read one of my novels, they contract book fever from the tiny, invisible pathogenic compound I spray on the pages. After that, they haven't a hope of ever again resisting my work. The minute they go into a bookstore and see one of my titles, they are compelled by the fever to buy it. And talk about my novels? My God, you can't shut them up. Before you know it, foreign publishers have no choice but to buy the rights to my books and translate them into other languages.
Or maybe I'm so childish that I simply think it's neat when I can send something I wrote to Wales or Singapore or Japan. Those addresses are wonderful, even the ones I have to copy one letter at a time so I don't mess them up. Then there are those sexy, dangerous-looking customs forms I have to fill out. I only wish I could get on a plane and deliver the books in person. Might do that too, someday (and wouldn't you all be surprised if I showed up at your door one morning and catch you Brits and Germans in your jammies and bunny slippers. I drink tea for breakfast, btw, if you want to invite me in.) Not very patriotic of me, is it?
No, you're right, no published author would be so unhip. It's more likely the insidious international plot.
There's also the sad fact that I've probably been tainted by the number of other countries to which I've traveled. Not to mention the family members I have living in the U.K., France and Germany. We won't even talk about how many friends I have outside U.S. territorial borders. It's disgraceful how I can't stick to my own kind.
So there you have it: I'm either a cold-blooded manipulative bitch hoping to spread book fever like avian influenza, or a complete slut for exotic addresses and customs paperwork. Anyway, wherever you live on the planet, I will nail you with free books whenever I can.