Monday, September 12, 2005

Aspirin, Stat*

Breaking up is never fun, unless you're manufactured by Mattel: Barbie and Ken have called it quits.

Potential Fallout: The value of Bridal Barbies in unopened boxes being sold at doll collector conventions plummets.

Wal-Mart refuses to stock Barbie next to Blaine dolls for fear of offending customers.

Ken is interviewed on The O'Reilly Factor. Barbie is interviewed on Real Time with Bill Maher. Blaine is interviewed on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

Fundamentalist religious group makes bonfires out of Barbies as a symbolic protest against feminism and the destruction of the family unit.

Women's activists urge mothers to boycott Ken dolls as a symbolic protest against chauvinism and misogynist marketing practices.

Mattel puts out an Undercover Angelina doll just in time for Christmas. She comes outfitted in sexy lingerie and has her own cheap hotel room key, and outsells Barbie three to one.

PBW immigrates to Tibet.

(*Update: I'm informed that this is old news, and after checking the date of the article, I see that it is. Oh, well. How quickly one falls out of the Fashion Doll/Action Figure Loop)


  1. Anonymous10:29 AM

    I'm afraid I'd SO buy an Angelina doll.

    Mock me if you must.....

  2. Brad and Jen are also old news, but that doesn't keep them from being on the cover of every entertainment magazine week after week after week.

    Maybe we can scope out new scoop. Did Ken cheat? Is Barbie involved with anyone new? Who got the Malibu roadster?

  3. "PBW immigrates to Tibet."


  4. Anonymous1:52 PM

    Nico wrote: I'm afraid I'd SO buy an Angelina doll.

    Yeah, I think I would, too. My daughter's tattoo Barbie needs a friend.

    Mary wrote: Maybe we can scope out new scoop. Did Ken cheat? Is Barbie involved with anyone new? Who got the Malibu roadster?

    Look at that smirk on Ken's face; you know he cheated. I bet Barbie's hanging out with the Navy GI Joes. Who would want the Malibu roadster? Gimme the Corvette...

    Joel wrote: NOOOOO...!

    Okay, you talked me out of it. :)

  5. My Barbies cheated on Ken years ago with Johnny West dolls. They had horses and cowboy hats. Ken really couldn't compete with that. ;-P

  6. Good work, Joel!

    I'm with Jordan. Johnny West was the best. Ken was just too pretty. My Barbie wanted real men, and Johnny West and GI Joe had just what she was looking for.

  7. Some Australian guy, Blaine, came hustling in to nab Barbie--I can't remember his name, but there are lots of rumors about his sexual orientation.

    Apparently none of the people spreading the rumors never bothered to undress the dolls. There's no orientation to worry about. Ken, the other guy--strictly arm candy.

  8. PS It's such a serious matter, I had to google it--that's how I got the name.

  9. Oh my goodness -- fellow Johnny West fans! I had the entire family, all the horses, the gear, the corral. (I've only owned a single Barbie in my lifetime.)


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