Tuesday, April 08, 2008

My Chest Didn't Explode

Now there's a post title I bet you'll never see anywhere outside a suicide bomber rants board.

All went well with my mammo, and after much bullying and blackmailing I got to take a look at the pics. Naturally they'll have to be officially reviewed -- the pics, not my womanly curves -- but everything appears to be spot- and shadow-free.

I try not to be a militant snot about health checkups, but since Darlene and Robin have already posted good reminders in comments, I'd like to chime in. You ladies out there, please get regular pap smears and, if you're over forty, annual mammograms. Gentlemen, you need prostate exams. I know they're a pain, they're uncomfortable, they're embarrassing, you don't have time, etc. I don't care. Call your doctor. Schedule them. Have the tests done. If you need a why, my guy and I are both cancer survivors only because we take these tests every year, and we found out early enough to stomp the big C.

I did better on the treadmill this year (translation: I didn't fall off, didn't lacerate anything, didn't scare the tech out of his wits by bleeding all over him, etc.) Test results are pending, but the doc didn't have that pinched look around his mouth like he did before I went on my all-whole-wheat-all-the-time diet, so I'm taking that as a good omen.

I still can't believe people pay big bucks to join a gym and voluntarily run on those treadmills, though. What if you have a cramp or an itch on your ankle? What if your shoelace comes untied? What if you turn around to say hey to a pal? You fall on your ass, is what. Okay, if you're me. . .


  1. If you get tired of whole wheat, there's always steel cut oats for oatmeal. Or Boca Burgers. *ggg* Glad you came through it fine, and you're right, those annual checkups can be life savers.

  2. ROFLMAO. I have to run...it sucks. I watched one lady reach down for a water bottle and slam face first in the belt. I slammed the stop button and ran over but she'd only busted her lip. She left a bit embarrassed, and I don't think she ever came back.

    Good to hear about your results. And congrats on surviving the stress test. I have to do one too. *blech*

  3. I always thought life was the stress test and running on the treadmill was therapy for it. : ) But all kidding aside I am glad you did well and that nothing exploded since my yearly mammogram comes due in May.

  4. My doc appointment is tomorrow. I hate that damn pancake machine, but that'll come a little later since I had a mammo last November. Congrats on your results! I've had a few minor problems that were caught early.
    As for the treadmill. Did that last January after a scare. Got an A+. :) Still have too-high cholesterol, though. Working on it.

  5. One word: COLONOSCOPY, dammit!
    (OK, that's two words. Sorry.)

    Another embarrassing, inconvenient test, but the alternative is much, much worse. Once you hit 50, just do it.

    I promised my boyfriend I'd buy him one for his birthday. He has yet to schedule. I'm about to start nagging.

  6. Anonymous11:16 PM

    *G* I'm one of those that pay money for the gym, although I use my local YMCA and it's affordable, plus taekwondo is free through there with my membership.

    But as to not getting why people do the running thing...I started doing it about four months ago because I wanted to lose weight. Desperately. I've lost about twenty now, running is getting a little easier and I only wheeze for ten minutes after. ;) It's worth falling on my tail. Knock on wood.

    And folks, those tests are oh so important. Many cancers are treatable when they are caught early. So just grimace and bare it...literally.

  7. Anonymous12:33 AM

    I get to get squooshed in June. What a FUN birthday present. ;)

    Glad you passed inspection on both fronts. What'd you do to celebrate?

  8. LOL, treadmills have a pause button. I would prefer to jog on the road, as there's a whole lot more to look at than in a gym, but treadmills serve well when it's raining.

    Glad to hear everything looks good.

  9. Glad things went well, Lynn. I hate the stress tests. Last year, I had to do a stress echocardiogram. The only thing worse than jogging a treadmill is having to do it without wearing a bra under the hospital gown. I swear at one point my boobs were swinging in different cities. Then, when I reached the peak of gaspiness, I had to launch onto the table so they could run the echo wand over me. Such fun.

  10. I'm with you on the treadmills. They are evil, evil machines. Whenever I'm done running on a treadmill, I have to walk at the slowest pace possible for a few minutes. If I don't, I completely lose my balance when I get off and it looks like I had a few before I came to the gym. LOL

    Good news on the mammo!

  11. Treadmills...
    What if the cap falls off your water and goes sailing behind you. True story.

    I've been fortunate that both lumps found in my breast were non cancerous. I was 26 with the first one and 31 with the other. Self-exams, ladies. Do 'em whether you're 40 or 20. Lumps happen.

  12. Glad everything went so well. Of course, I use the treadmill to try and get my cholesterol and my weight back under control. I have had my ipod fly off the end of the treadmill. Luckily it was in a case, so it didn't break. I had to hit the stop button really fast so I wouldn't fall down trying to catch it.

  13. And please ladies, don't forget to check out your hearts. I was lucky to find my high blood pressure when I was 27, when I can do something about it instead of 47 when it could be out of control. BTW, I am 30 now and my ticker is better then ever.
    And I almost fell off the treadmill at the gym, but a nice, good looking latino man caught me before I hit the floor :)

  14. Anonymous8:08 PM

    As a natural klutz - I probably need license plates - I'm surprised that I love the treadmill and have never had an accident - I've had books, phones and Ipod go flying over the years, but never me.

    Today I got on an elliptical machine thingy for the first time -I think it's an elliptical - it's not the backwards/forwards ski pedals, but long pedals on which your legs do full circles, as if you are walking - not easy at all, and I couldn't fiddle with my headset and book - I had to hang on because if I tried to do it no handed I was going ass over tea kettle. I could see explaining that to the hub. Ever since I fell out of the attic (through the sheet rock, onto the kitchen floor) he's not been real keen on me climbing onto new and different stuff.

  15. That reminds me, I wanted to schedule one more "squishing" while I'm still on active duty. I better get that scheduled, too. I only have a couple of week window to get it done in.

  16. If anyone fears a colonoscopy, Google for Dave Barry's hysterically funny column on the topic. He'd put his off for years until one of his younger brothers called and said that he'd had the test and discovered cancer in the early stage when it was treatable. I turned 50 this year and have pledged to schedule my test before the end of the year.

    I can't possibly be as funny as Barry when I blog on the experience, but I'll try!


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