Head Scratch Ten

Ten Things about Odd Self-Promo

1. Be Your Own Prez: -- "Whether you're trying to get a literary agent and need what agents and publishers call a national 'platform,' or you're self-publishing your books and just looking for increased sales, one of the most effective things you can do is to create a national association." -- PublishingGame.com. Right, that'll fool everyone into thinking you're important.

2. Driven: "Make an oversized color copy of your cover, mount it with art glue (spray fixative) on foam core, and display it in your car's back or side windows as you drive around." -- Griffith Publishing. But what if you have to backup or make a turn? Do you cut out some peep holes, or use a periscope, or what?

3. Get Widgety: You mean you haven't ordered your promotional bookmarks from Acme yet? New product line: Promote Your Self-Made National Organization With Foam Beer Can Holders!!!

4. Hecklers at Workshops & Booksignings, Beware: PromoPeddler.com offers a nice plastic water pistol which you can have custom imprinted and fill with the liquid of your choice. John, Stuart and James, stop thinking what you're thinking, right this minute.

5. Nail Them While They're Inebriated/Bloated: "Believe it or not, some of my consistent sales outlets are bars and supper clubs. Don't overlook those popular places of business." -- Leon "Buckshot" Anderson. Unless you write for Alcoholics Anonymous or Weight Watchers, in which case, kiss your sales goodbye.

6. Public Displays: Do you want to see an author naked? Evidently one lit-head thought so, as evidenced in this body part/cover art publicity stunt. If you're going to flash something, make sure it's worth my valuable time to look at it.

7. Rent-a-Reviewer: This dude only costs $295.00. At last, you can get those five star reviews your book deserves without having to post them yourself!

8. Squirting Bookmarks: Or getting other self-promotion ideas off sites like Prankaday.com. Thank you, Sick Person Who Sent Me This Link.

9. Who Needs Dignity, Anyway?: Send out e-mail invitations to have everyone in publishing to come and watch you perform on GoogleIdol. I need an aspirin.

10. Who Was That Masked Fan?: Just in case your book doesn't help your readers get some sleep, invest in some imprinted sleep masks, also from PromoPeddler.com. The real fun is having them made for another author's books...

Related link: On a more serious note, Debra Benton wrote a good article here about self-promotion without losing your self-respect. It's directed at the tech crowd but I thought her points were pretty universal.