Plagued

I meant to write more Way of the Cheetah stuff, and do a giveaway today, but around Wednesday last week the residents of Casa PBW began infecting each other with a nasty upper respiratory infection. Apparently it's all over town and in the schools. Presently everyone is bed-bound and wanting chicken soup, Gatorade Slushies* and Jell-O wigglers? Gigglers? Whatever those shapey things are.**

Why did sickness strike my usually healthy bunch? My mother is coming to stay with us this weekend, that's why. The minute that woman plans a visit, my family develops hacking coughs and high temperatures, or we're hit torrential rains from an approaching tropical storm. Yes, I already know about Wilma. It's probably the only time this year I turned on The Weather Channel to catch the Tropical Update and began immediately laughing. It was that or shriek and wake up all the sick people.

Did I mention that I'm scheduled to go out of town tomorrow, too?

You know what I need? A backup domestic crisis manager. A take-charge guy. A stay-at-home-male who will supervise, clean, diagnose, dose and intimidate. Like a wife, only with muscle, hurricane shutters, and a medical degree. Someone who will say things to me like "It's all right dear, let me take care of this. You go and write." Someone who's like half Doug Hoffman, half Jim Cantore.

I'd probably have to marry him, though. There are just some things men won't do for money. Bummer.

Oh, well. While I'm waiting for my Dream HouseMan Who Only Wants to Be Good Pals to arrive, I'll do my best to get the clan back on their feet. Hopefully before the next hurricane or Mom make landfall. I'm not getting this bug, but I've gone mostly vegan with my diet again, and that tends to boost my immune system. I'm also using salad dressings I make myself with balsamic vinegar instead of the store-bought stuff, and I've had a lot more energy. Or balsamic vinegar has absolutely nothing to do with it and the placebo effect is kicking in. Either way.

And I promise I'll get back to Cheetahing and post the new book giveaway*** once I can spend more than fifteen minutes at the keyboard without hearing the words Maaaaaaahm, Shit. Honey! or Euwww, did all that come out of your nose?

*Another fever combat trick: rub the suffering one down lightly with baby powder. It makes them feel cooler and more comfortable when they have to lay in bed for hours and, unless they hate babies, the scent is soothing.

**I just remembered it: Jigglers.

***In the meantime, there are still free books to be won out there. Check out the "easiest contest you'll ever enter" that author Duane Swierczynski is having for his debut novel, The Wheelman.