Saturday, January 09, 2016

My Head Explodes. Again.

PBW: So now it seems the guy who inflicted Facebook on the world wants to build an artificially intelligent assistant for himself to, and I'll quote the Time article here "to help run his house and assist him at work." Because, you know, that's insanely hard work no human being should ever have to do.

Alfred: Madam, your proposal is waiting. The canines will need walking, and the batcave is beginning to resemble an actual bat cave. Please stop surfing the internet.

PBW: In a minute. Apparently Facebook guy sets himself a new goal every year, and this is it. Build himself a robot helper.

Alfred: It sounds rather admirable. I wonder if he'll sell them on Amazon?

PBW: Instead of giving someone who actually breathes a job? How is that admirable? No, it's just like an insanely rich person to think up something idiotic like that. I bet he just doesn't want to offer medical benefits. Or any benefits, really. A robot wouldn't need any, or rights, or lunch breaks, or--

Alfred: Perhaps if I could buy one that closely resembles me, I could -- wait, you mean other assistants get lunch breaks?

PBW: I give you tea breaks, Al, because you're British. Also, you never eat.

Alfred: Oh, dear. Am I a robot?

PBW: No, you're my invisible assistant. Like an invisible friend, only naggier and more organized. Anyway, you remember that Will Smith robot movie? Will was great, but the whole robot helper thing didn't turn out so well for his alternate universe. And that other, awful movie about robots, you know, that one with the kid. What was the name of that one? It was like three hours long. Jude Law was in it, and he didn't even have to act.

Alfred: AI, Madam.

PBW: That's it. I still think of that robot kid every time I hear the word dolphin. I don't know why these things annoy me. What would you expect from a person who considers reading two books a month such a difficult thing that he had to make that a goal one year?

Alfred (mumbling): But you read only three books last September.

PBW: I heard that.

Alfred: I think I'll take my tea break now, Madam.


  1. so in other words, he wants to build a woman!

  2. What a numpty. I suppose having all the money in the world doesn't mean you have any common sense.


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