Welcome to Characters R Us, the ultimate online character shopping experience. If you've got a story, we've got the perfect someone to star in it!
Today we're featuring a 10% discount on three of our most popular Standard Romance Heroine Models:
Anna All-American: A classic top selling model, Anna is the epitome of the ideal girl-next-door, and comes equipped with a stubborn chin, nose freckles, a large, untrained canine pet and a loving but constantly interfering spinster relation. When ordering, please specify unfashionable hair type (long ponytails, thick braids or short curly mop.)
Kitty KickButt: What's an urban fantasy without the perfect kickbutt heroine? Boring, that's what. Our Kitty model is strong, sassy and so ready to save the world that she'll take on (or have sex with) any monster you throw at her. Kitty comes complete with a weapon of unparalleled power, more tattoos than a biker gang and a tragic, troubled but wholly understandable wayward past. Please choose from the following ethnicities: Almost Asian, Kinda Caucasian, Not Quite African-American, or Half-Hybrid Hell Spawn.
Sally Shy Thang: This sweet young heroine is perfect for every ellipsis-lover, as she can mangle any line of dialogue you provide. Bitable lips, fluttering eyelashes, twistable fingers and a lifetime supply of adorable blushes are included at no extra charge.
Victoria Virgin: this multi-purpose model can give a delicate but determined feminine sparkle to your historical, paranormal or steampunk stories, and comes complete with uncut hair, unpainted features, uncommon education, uncompromised virtue and a battered trunk of shabby but serviceable period-appropriate gowns. If you order before 6 pm today we'll include a bonus destitute but devoted maid servant (colorful accent $5.00 extra.)
But wait, that's not all! Order in the next hour and we will send you absolutely free of charge one of these wonderfully supportive secondary characters:
Fond Friendly Father -- the amazing Dad none of us ever had
Boisterious Best Friend -- the ideal BFF, lots of spunky lines, no life whatsoever
Meddling Emotional Mom -- when she's not baking or cleaning she's crying or lying
Somewhat Skanky Sister -- has worked her way through the football team (twice) but always has sage advice and boxes of condoms
Not Altogether Evil Twin -- there but for the grace of God, huh? (includes your choice of gender!)
Thanks for shopping at Characters R Us, and stop in next week for our annual Hard Sci-Fi Fire Sale to pick from the best of the leftover/refurbished folks from the future!