Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Incentivize

What does the standard industry term "proactive" really mean? We here at Paperback Writer understand that it is better to iterate robustly than to mesh intuitively. Quick: do you have a next-generation plan of action for dealing with emerging experiences? What do we redefine? Anything and everything, regardless of standing! If all of this sounds amazing to you, that's because it is! If all of this seems confusing to you, that's because it is! What do we unleash? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! Think six-sigma. The ability to strategize robustly leads to the capability to extend proactively. We believe we know that if you harness iteravely then you may also incentivize holisticly. If all of this may seem amazing to you, that's because it is! We have come to know that if you scale iteravely then you may also cultivate cyber-efficiently.


Want your own hunk of official-sounding utter nonsense? Visit Andrew Davidson's Corporate Gibberish Generator. (Link brazenly pick-pocketed from author John Walkenbach's J-Walk Blog)

5 comments:

  1. I hate & detest this word, almost as much as I hate 'snort' Was called in on job once & told I wasn't proactive enough. Then a friend worked in the same company & was called in by the same woman and told she wasn't proactive enough. Ugh.

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  2. I proactively synergized the interactive content of PBW in a cross-platform merger on Kitchen Island. We at KI believe in the meshed cognition of such dogmatized impartations.

    PBW, ladies and gentlemen. {applause}

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  3. You can take random phrases from the examples and string them together and have something as meaningless as any of the generated paragaraphs, like this:

    SprinkInk practically invented the term "versioning". We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and newbie-proof configuration. We apply the proverb "Look before you leap" not only to our mindshare but our aptitude to whiteboard. Do you have a scheme to become sticky? Have you ever been pressured to leverage your one-to-one, leading-edge feature set? In one step? Do you have a game plan to become open-source? If all of this may seem unclear to you, that's because it is! The metrics for social networks are more well-understood if they are not dot-com, world-class.

    Thanks, Sheila, I needed this link. My problem is that I've not spent enough time in Silicon Valley corporations, but I write about Silicon Valley, including its corporations. My hubby says they talk exactly like that and I needed to be able to mimic it. Now I can, if need be. But briefly. More than a sentence or two makes by brain hurt.

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  4. There's a guy where I work who is famous for this kind of gibberish. He tries to baffle with bullshit in hopes that nobody will catch on to the fact that he doesn't know what in hell he's talking about. He uses the words 'essentially' and 'ultimately' a lot, and also the phrase 'my sense is'.

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