Posted without permission (you SPAM me, you take your chances):
My name Blaise Cinco and I'm your Publishing Consultant from Xlibris.
Hi Blaise. Why did your mother name you after the British Library Automated Information Service and the number five? Do I sense an intriguing conception story here? Are you single? You sound single.
I'm just checking in to see if you have any work you'd be interested in publishing with us.
(fluttering eyelashes) Do you have any money I'd be interested in depositing?
Meanwhile, here's a brief introduction of our company.
Don't be evasive, sweetie. Show me the offer.
Really, that merely skimmed the surface.
That? That was a sales pitch. Wait, I don't even rate a full company introduction? What are you, ashamed of me?
Our team of Online Support Representatives will submit links for your book to numerous websites . . .
Sure, toy with me then pass me off on your friends.
Online Listing Campaign 3,000 (links submitted to 3,000 websites) - $1,299
All that money, for such a little thing? Blaise, I don't know what to say. I 'm shocked. I've never done that for money . . . all right, you talked me into it. Pay me $1,299, and I'll let you use my link. Just please don't tell my mother.
Please feel free to give me a call at (888) 795-4274 ext. 882.
That phone number looks familiar. You didn't write it on a cocktail napkin at the open bar after the RITAS while you were breathing Bourbon fumes in my face and telling me how my legs are better than Lisa Kleypas's, did you?
Call me today toll free at (888) 795-4274 ext 816 to take advantage of these exciting limited-time offers.
I'm the one who always has to call. This is supposed to be a relationship, Blaise. We both have to work at it.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
No, you don't. Don't lie to me. I know about the other writers you've been e-mailing. You thought I didn't, right? Ha. I know it all.
Yeah, you're all mine. Soon as you've gotten what you wanted, you'll be chatting up five hundred other hot prospects. You cruise the internet for them, don't you, Blaise? Will you think about me when you're SPAMming Alison Kent? No. You'll be too busy using the same lines on her. Then you'll come to my place at 1 a.m., stumbling and giggling, waking up the kids, your tie knotted around your forehead and printer ink all over your collar.
I'm sorry, Blaise, but I do have some pride. It's over between us. Take your POD and get out.