Let's see, I've covered bookmarks from hell and widgets from hell, so now it's time to move on. If you want to sell it, here are:
Ten Things You Probably Shouldn't Title Your Novel
1. Bill Clinton's Guide to Fine Cigars: Euw. Unless you can get Hilary to write the introduction. Then, hello, NYT bestseller!
2. Every Editor I've Slept with in Publishing, and How They Are in Bed: Oh, save it for True Confession Wednesday on the private author loop.
3. Hilarious Cartoons of Mohammed: Because there are none, infidel!
4. How to Mess with the IRS: I have to explain this?
5. I'm Okay, You're a Complete Jackass: I think Ann Coulter holds the trademark on that one.
6. Seven Steps to a Better Bank Heist: If you really know this, why are you writing books?
7. The Suicidal Virgin Cowboy's Pregnant HIV-Positive Girlfriend: We already know how it's going to end.
8. Typhoid: The Fun New Way to Lose Weight and Keep it Off: A no-brainer, right? Until you remember that women are voluntarily injecting botulism in their faces to paralyze the muscles in order to look younger. But I repeat myself.
9. Unprotected Sex -- Have it with Everyone!: Not for long.
10. What Shoes Would Jesus Wear with That?: I got dibs.
All right, your turn -- post your titles from hell in comments.
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"The Apathetic's Guide to... Nevermind" - Problem is every time I start writing it, I lose interest. ;o)
ReplyDeleteHit and Run: The One That Got Away: The complete jaywalker's guide.
ReplyDeleteThe Suicidal Virgin Cowboy's Pregnant HIV-Positive Girlfriend: We already know how it's going to end.
ReplyDeleteHappily Ever After?
Everybody Dies at the End, or Why Bother Reading This?
ReplyDeleteAdvice from Eliot Sptizer On Building Your Own Glass House.
ReplyDeleteB.E. wrote: "The Apathetic's Guide to... Nevermind"
ReplyDeleteNo doubt the publisher would keep moving back the release date on that one... :)
Jordan wrote: Hit and Run: The One That Got Away: The complete jaywalker's guide.
ReplyDeleteWould the movie version be called "Dodge Cars?"
Bettie wrote: The Suicidal Virgin Cowboy's Pregnant HIV-Positive Girlfriend: We already know how it's going to end.
ReplyDeleteHappily Ever After?
I vote that Bettie becomes the next president of RWA.
cpeugh01 wrote: Everybody Dies at the End, or Why Bother Reading This?
ReplyDeleteWhich reminds me, I have a hate-mail to write to Duane Swierczynski.
Raine wrote: Advice from Eliot Sptizer On Building Your Own Glass House.
ReplyDelete101 Reasons Never to Piss Off Raine Weaver. :)
You Can't Do That With a Bad Back...An Erotic Manual for Babyboomers.
ReplyDeleteThis comes from my friend, Ev. I swear.
Darlene wrote: This comes from my friend, Ev. I swear.
ReplyDeleteOh, sure, Darlene. We believe you.
Don't we, guys?
How about:
ReplyDeleteFun With Grease Fires: A Dorm Room Cookbook.
If My Love Life is Like Pinball, How Come I'm Always Running Out of Quarters?
and the ever popular
Lunch Room Political Discussions: A Guide to a More Harmonious Workplace.
Colin
There's always the Lynne Spears Guide to Parenting
ReplyDeleteOh wait, that's actually real....
Well there's The Book.
ReplyDeleteAnd then it's sequel, Just Another Book.
And for genre writers, of course The Science Fiction Book, The Fantasy Book…
The Cellulite Beauty Guide
ReplyDeleteFat Thighs In Forty Days
World's Deadliest Toxin: Botox And You
Saving Social Security One Backyard Shoebox At A Time
From palm grease to foot stomps: The secret body language of the US Political System
ReplyDeletePregnancy and Weight Loss: making the most of your morning sickness
Discover your inner Digital Dominatrix: The World of Warcraft Widow's guide to love
>>Oh wait, that's actually real....
ReplyDeleteBWAAAAAAAAAAA
In the Dumps: Or Why I spent Two Years Sitting on my Boyfriends Toilet
A Memoir
By Fannie Mae
Do Dyslexics Believe in Dog?
ReplyDelete(BTW I am dyslexic.)
This Book was Better When Nora Roberts Wrote It.
Decaffeinated: The Autobiographical
Thrilling Romance Between a Girl and Her Beloved Starbuck's
I wrote an article called "Navigating the In-Laws: A Vocabulary" as a bachelorette party gift once... paired it with "How to Get His Attention Even When He's Playing Video Games" and a friend penned "What to Make for Dinner When There's Nothing Left to Microwave"
ReplyDeleteI think a book of such essays would sell well, no? I'd call it "Domestically Challenged".
Jess
(Tom here. Charlene, I inadvertantly rejected your comment while deleting some SPAM, so I'm reposting it, with my apologies.)
ReplyDeletecharleneteglia wrote:
The South Beached Whale (or how to gain weight while dieting)
Chicken Soup for the Soulless
He Is Too Into Me, a stalker's guide to dating
Hey, this is addictive once you get going.