Found while reading a romance novel today:
He put his tongue into her mouth and whispered, "This is like what will happen when we really, you know, do it."*
This line is from a straight romance, too, not the tale of a paranormal shape-shifter with a triple-jointed pseudopod lurking behind his pearly whites. Which brings me to my post topic: can you have your tongue in someone's mouth and whisper at the same time?
I've never tried, personally, but I'm thinking no here. Unless you're Gene Simmons, you usually don't have a lot of available lip movement space when you're giving a French kiss. You could trying grunting the words, I suppose, but still, wouldn't it come out sounding like "Ih ih ah ih ah-eh eh ee ee-ee, oo oh, oo ih"?
Whispering while tongue-kissing also has kind of a creepy cell-phone-usage-while-driving feel to it, too. Can't he wait until they break for gasps of air? Or is this like the new PC thing to do when a hero kisses a virginal heroine? Here's my tongue, darling, and it's just like this other thing I'm going to insert in you.
And excuse me, but no, having someone's tongue in your mouth is not like what happens when you, you know, really do it. Two completely different organs, two very different sensations. Well, unless your hero is having some problems down south. Then it might feel more like a tongue. Or look more like it, anyway.
Maybe this guy was tired. Not like it's a picnic, being the hero of a romance novel. If the poor guy isn't chasing the heroine, he's preserving her honor, battling her enemies, or whisking her off to some romantic setting where they can be alone for exactly eight hours before the next plot crisis or his bitch of a scheming mother/ex-girlfriend/business partner/distant cousin and heir to his estate arrives, whichever will cause the darkest moment. Making sparks fly is damn hard work.
Sure, you laugh now, but stuff like this is important for writers to know. Next time your hero has his tongue in your heroine's mouth and has to whisper something to her, you'll thank me for this post.
*Line has been slightly reworded to protect the author.