Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Mash-O-Matic

New from Ranco: The Mash-O-Matic, the most famous automatic novel mashup maker on the planet!



Writers, we know you've seen these hot, trendy books on the shelves making their authors uber famous and bringing in tons of royalties; now it's your turn to enjoy the ease, convenience and endless profits of creating your own bestselling mashup novels with little to no effort at all!

The Mash-O-Matic comes with an instructional booklet that shows you exactly how to take any famous book in the public domain, add just a few new ingredients and combine them to create new, fun, highly marketable novels! The Mash-O-Matic is so efficient you'll only have to spend a few minutes a day compiling your next bestseller. Plus there’s absolutely no hassle involved: the foundation book for your mashup has already been completely written by someone else who's dead and can't sue you over it. All you have to do is add a few common story elements that are probably right now sitting unused on your hard drive in all those half-written books you'll never finish anyway!

Here are some testimonials from our very satisfied customers:

"Now that I have the Mash-O-Matic, I can concentrate on the most important aspects of my professional career as an author, like going to writer conferences, making luncheon speeches and being interviewed on NPR's Fresh Air. Ranco, where have you been all my writing life?" -- Ronnie Rashmouth

"I didn't believe writing a bestseller could be so fast and easy. By using the Mash-O-Matic to create my books I've been able to spend more time with my family, sleep better and still make thousands in royalties every month! I actually look forward to going to work every day!" -- Myrna Blecker

"I was going nowhere with my writing career when I found the Mash-O-Matic. Now I'm the proud author of three bestsellers: Les Mummies Miserables, A Tale of Two Dead Cities and Anne of the Oozing Green Gables!" -- Scottie UpChuck

Your new Mash-O-Matic comes with:

-- 5-novel capacity
-- patented novelmasher
-- Quiet operation
-- AG-approved trays for recomboed manuscript pages
-- Instructional booklet packed with suggested story elements
-- Ideal for conference guests of honor, six-week college workshop teachers and other busy writers on the go

The Mash-O-Matic also comes with powerful electrical story sorters and convection plot flow, uses 110 volts, 125 watts electricity, proudly made in the USA!

Here's a personal message to you from our President, Ranc Maykker: "Writers, isn't it time you stopped slaving over the keyboard, and had more fun as an author? Are those endless hours you spend trying to write original novels really worth it, when you don't even know if you can sell the finished product? Don't waste another minute writing the books you hope your readers will love, give them what you know they already love with the Mash-O-Matic."

But wait! As a part of our special introductory offer, if you order the Mash-O-Matic in the next thirty minutes, Ranco will also give you at no extra charge Ranco's famous EZReTitler Tool so you can rename your mashups, five manuscript mailers and a "I Mash, Don't You?" goldtone key ring. That's right, you get the fabulous Mash-O-Matic, the EZReTitler and all the extra goodies for just nine easy payments of $19.95! You'll earn that back in your first week on the Times Bestseller List, so don't delay, call right now!

13 comments:

  1. So.... is this really it? This is what I have to do to hit the lists?

    Damn.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hah! Oh, get-rich-quick schemes strike again!

    ReplyDelete
  3. The sad thing is, you could put up a page selling that... and there are people that would buy it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm going to save my money until Mash-O-Matic comes out with a Thinly Disguised Copyright Violation add-on.

    If I can't replace the aliens in Starship Troopers with zombies, then it's not worth my precious, precious credit card details.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Or maybe we're just weird and can hope to find a following among the quirky and ungelled. (nice thought for the month!)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lolol. This is so razor sharp.

    I'm with Pip. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. omg! This Mashing tool is so my dream machine...money with little effort!

    The sadness is this is a real phenomena. I actually was offered to review one of these 'books'. I politely declined.It did not interest me.

    And yes Eva...I agree this is Razor Sharp! Love it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Biting and brilliant! LOL!

    Now I'm the proud author of three bestsellers: Les Mummies Miserables, A Tale of Two Dead Cities and Anne of the Oozing Green Gables!" -- Scottie UpChuck

    Hey, did you google those? You never know, someone might already be doing them! ;o)

    I cannot, will not read any of the mash-up stories that are out now. P&P and Zombies??? What kind of story is that?

    Ugh.

    Just ugh.

    ReplyDelete
  9. But what happens after I reach the 5 novel limit? Will I have to actually write my own books after that?

    ReplyDelete
  10. I have just got to stop drinking while reading PBW! Replacing keyboards is expensive.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I just want the key chain. That alone would be awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  12. The sad thing is, I might actually pick up a book called Les Mummies Miserables. Maybe not buy it. But at least pick it up and carry it wround the store for a while.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Nice. This is an unfortunate reality in story-telling-world. Not just novels: movies, video games, virtually all forms of story-telling media are guilty of mash-up. Makes some really bad stories and some very frustrated readers (at least those over the age of 18).

    ReplyDelete