Welcome to Plot Fix Inc.com, your one-stop story repair emporium. We pride ourselves on solving those inconvenient plot problems with quick and easy, practical solutions.
Please select from the following stock plot fixes:
I. Destruction, Power Item
Problem: Indestructible item of unimaginable power corrupts characters, creates chaos and starts wars; cannot be disposed of.
A. Glub, Glub: Protagonist takes item on ship to deepest part of ocean and drops it overboard. Item sinks to bottom and cannot be recovered because no one has yet developed deep-sea exploration technology.
B. Houston, We Don't Have a Problem: Protagonist puts item on Titan-IV rocket and sends it to Mars, where it crashes somewhere near a polar ice cap and cannot be recovered because someone at NASA forgot to properly convert the metrics involved.
C. The Virgin Suicide: Protagonist consumes item of power and jumps into a volcano that is not located within the boundary's of the Evil Overlord's territory.
D. Total Tax Write-Off: Protagonist donates the item of power to the Smithsonian, where it is displayed next to the Hope Diamond.
II. Future Boom-Boom
Problem: The Really Cool TechnoThingie in your science fiction story is activated/discovered/lands on Earth and will wipe out the entire human race within 24 hours; nothing can stop it.
A. Galactic Visa: The finest minds on Earth are evacuated in a prototype intergalactic ship which does not crash into Mars but whisks them off to colonize the first inhabitable planet known to man. Several tentative romantic relationships and one murder plot are formed on the trip. The planet turns out to be identical to Earth and populated by small, fuzzy creatures of limited intelligence who just love humans.
B. Heavy Metal: All of humanity transfers their consciousness into indestructible robotic bodies which they use to kick the Really Cool TechnoThingie's ass. Humanity then becomes obsessed with pistons and lube jobs.
C. Penicillin, Stat: After the Really Cool TechnoThingie destroys most of the cities on the planet, it falls victim to a common bacteria and melts into a puddle of inert goo. A brave band of survivors set fire to the puddles before rebuilding civilization to be better than it was before.
D. We Have to Save the World, Guys: The President of the United States sends an adorable band of social misfits to combat the Really Cool TechnoThingie. After they screw up everything but mend their own strained personal relationships, their leader saves most of them then sacrifices his own life with ten seconds left on the End of the World clock.
III. Happily Ever After, They Lived
Problem: Romantically-involved hero and heroine have great sex together but wrestle with incompatible personalities, occupations and life goals; their love cannot be saved.
A. Do You Like Pina Coladas?: Hero and heroine stay together while they secretly post phony profiles and pics on an internet match-making site, are matched, arrange to meet each other, laugh over their lies and decide that their relationship was obviously meant to be anyway.
B. Marry Your Babies Daddy: Heroine takes fertility drugs that cause her to become pregnant with hero's identical quints, appears on Good Morning America in her last trimester to sign a multi-million-dollar contract with Pampers for the babies to model diapers. Hero quits job to be babies' business manager.
C. Mutual Sacrifice: Both hero and heroine quit jobs to become life coaches, eBay power sellers, real estate agents, reality show stars and/or pet psychics. Success solves all their other problems.
D. SEALed with a Kiss: The hero's military reserve unit is indefinitely posted to a dangerous spot in the Middle East for 11-1/2 months of each year; the heroine bravely writes to him every day, helps other military wives to send out touching care packages, and develops a close, personal relationship with an industrial duty-size vibrator.
This week only: NaNoWriMo'ers can take an additional 50% discount on any plot fix in stock, enter coupon code HELPMEENDTHISPLEASE.
We appreciate you shopping at Plot Fix Inc.com, where every story can find an ending. Have a nice day.