Monday, February 25, 2013

Ampersand Ten

Ten Author Collaborations We'd Like to See

Bill Clinton & Dr. Phil: Not on a revised edition of Family First, obviously, but I bet they could write up a slamming self-help for men with toxic narcissism.

Janet Evanovich & Jane Austen: It is a truth universally acknowledged that Stephanie Plum needs to make up her damn mind and pick either Morelli or Ranger. Meanwhile, Lulu runs off with Mr. Wickham.

Sue Grafton & Dean Koontz: Kinsey discovers she has an evil twin who works at a carnival filled with monsters no one but she can see, but at least she finally gets a dog.

John Grisham & Rev. Rick Warren: What if The Firm had been Purpose Driven instead? Even creepier, am I right?

Stephen King & Danielle Steel: The body count wouldn't decrease much, but a collab rewrite of Lisey's Story would result in it actually becoming a romance (at least until the red shirt hero gets bumped off during a tragic car accident or being eaten by his car, whichever comes first.)

Suzanne Somers & Stephenie Meyer: There are all kinds of mutual benefits in this one: Sexy Forever wouldn't need a title change, Bella could stop being such a klutz, and no character would ever age again . . .

China MiƩville & Lemony Snicket: Imagine the novels we'd get out of these two! A Series of Unfortunate Events in New Crobuzon. The unKind Kraken. Un Lun Dunce. Okay, this one might be suitable for my personal amusement only.

James Patterson & Joel Osteen: Alex Cross can be saved before he must die. Unless you buy the next book. (There's the script for your next commercial, James. You don't have to thank me.)

Anne Rice & Judy Blume: The first book has to be titled Are You There, God? It's me, Lestat. Has to be.

J.K. Rowling & Harper Lee: Three words: Scout at Hogwarts.

12 comments:

  1. Fran K4:08 AM

    Clever, very clever. I vote for the Janet Evanovich / Jane Austin mix - I love Stephanie Plum. I haven't heard of the Rev Rick Warren but will google him now!

    Love the red shirt reference ...

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    1. I watched so much Star Trek (the original show) when I was a kid that I still have to be careful not to dress my doomed characters in red shirts. :)

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  2. Susanne7:25 AM

    hahahahah....totally lost when I read about the Evanovich / Austen collaboration! Although the Patterson / Osteen combo sounds pretty good, too :-))) I just love how you mind works.

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    1. I think Janet and Jane would have liked each other, too -- they are/were both great writers with a quirky sense of humor.

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  3. Agree about Plum choosing her man...though I have to say, I vacillate myself!

    And Boo should be the one for Hogwarts... ;D

    Really funny post.

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    1. I'm in Camp Ranger, Terlee. Can't help it; I've drooled over that guy since he made his first appearance. I always gravitate toward the underdogs, though, so I'm almost positive he's not going to end up with Stephanie.

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  4. Are You There, God? It's me, Lestat. Laughing too hard to try and explain to the DH why, but I love it.

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    1. This is because it would be perfect! Ha.

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  5. Very funny. Thanks for the chuckle!

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    1. Glad you liked it, Heather.

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  6. Glad I wasn't drinking anything when I got to Are You There, God? It's Me, Lestat. You have a wicked sense of humour!

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    1. I probably had a little too much fun with that one. I think Anne will forgive me, though.

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