Thursday, November 11, 2010

True Publishing Tees

My mother gave me this T-shirt as a Christmas gift a few years ago, and every time I wear it someone asks if I'm really a writer. Instead of answering I just smile mysteriously. Mysterious smiles get me out of a lot of dumb conversations.

As long as I could write the logos, I wouldn't mind going into the Publishing T-shirt biz. I think we need some more truthful tees for writers and other industry folk, though. What would really be great is if everyone had to wear a T-shirt identifying who they really are. Wouldn't that save everyone a lot of time, misunderstandings and headaches? Imagine going to a writing conference where you saw writers wearing these:

Better Agent Hunter
I'd be a bestseller by now, if not for that last idiot

Competition Backstabber
I've got a 1-star review with your name smeared all over it

Cookie Cutter Novelist
What, Me Have a New Idea?

Erotica Writer
Yes, I am imagining you naked

Pathetic Poser
Why write when I can talk about how much I suffer when I write?

Promo Queen
Here, have a bookmark while we chat about my new release

Publishing World Weary
You think Home Depot is hiring?

Quote Slut
If you've got a pulse, I've got a blurb

Self-Published and Proud
Say one word about how crappy self-published books are and I'm beating the snot out of you

Title Snatcher
I've got a novel for every great title you publish first

We'd also have to have some T-shirts for the editors and agents, too:

Too many acquisitions, not enough TUMs

Aspiring Allergic (editor version)
If you don't have an agent, get away from me

Aspiring Allergic (agent version)
If you don't have a contract offer, get away from me

Author in Disguise
Here, have a bookmark while we chat about my debut release

Bestseller Snob
If I don't know who you are, I don't want to know who you are

Habitual Dumper
The minute you stop making money for me, out you go

Indifferent Idler
Yeah Uh-huh Whatever

Kindly Liar
It actually wasn't that nice to meet you

Secret Vacationer
I'm just here for the shopping and the theme parks

Way Overworked
Where's the damn Tiki Bar?

All right, it's your turn: what sort of true publishing tee would you like to see? Tell us in comments.


  1. Okay-- compared to yours, all mine totally bite, but I'll give it a go. I've actually owned (or plan to own) pretty much all of these--Go Zazzle!

    My favorite was one I had in college-- it was a quote from Moliere:

    Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, then you do it for a few friends, and then you do it for money.

    My one for my self-pubbed work:

    Official T-shirt of the editing team: Transcending typos one manuscript at a time.

    For my new releases:

    Holy Goddess, Merciful God, LET IT NOT SUCK.

    (and then on the back)

    It sucketh not, neither doth it bore.

    Then there's one I almost wore to yaoi-con: My writing dragon eats your plotbunnies for breakfast. (My daughter made me a picture to go with that one!)

    And finally, the one I DID wear to yaoi-con (cause I write m/m:-): All my plot bunnies are gay but that doesn't mean they're not breeding!

  2. Incessant Rambler.

    I can't be bothered to come up with a log line so I'll babble on and on and on about the ENTIRE plot of my book until your eyes glaze over and you're ready to stab either me or yourself.

  3. I love cute t-shirt sayings. Those are great. I love the 'if I don't know who you are, I don't want to know who you are'. It's the perfect anti-social t-shirt. ;o)

  4. Hahaha, these are epic! Thank you for sharing and for the good laugh. Definitely made my morning. :)

    My logo would be either Quote Slut or Self-Published and Proud.


  5. I love these ideas!

    A couple of my friends have t-shirts that say: Writers have great climaxes.

    I always laugh when they wear it.

  6. Fantasy Romance Author
    Unsheathe your Sword

    Sci Fi Romance Author
    Beam me up, Beam me down

  7. I really like the one that says Erotic Writer,, that one describes me to a T! I love it!

    check out my blog for my Nano progress @

  8. I'm still admiring the agent T-shirt. Does that come in an extra large? *ggg*

  9. I tried, but yours are too good. I can't top them.

    But if you ever go into business making them, I want one!

  10. Melissa3:44 PM

    Where's one for part-time writers like me?
    "Don't worry. I didn't quit my day job."

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