My mother gave me this T-shirt as a Christmas gift a few years ago, and every time I wear it someone asks if I'm really a writer. Instead of answering I just smile mysteriously. Mysterious smiles get me out of a lot of dumb conversations.
As long as I could write the logos, I wouldn't mind going into the Publishing T-shirt biz. I think we need some more truthful tees for writers and other industry folk, though. What would really be great is if everyone had to wear a T-shirt identifying who they really are. Wouldn't that save everyone a lot of time, misunderstandings and headaches? Imagine going to a writing conference where you saw writers wearing these:
Better Agent Hunter
I'd be a bestseller by now, if not for that last idiot
I've got a 1-star Amazon.com review with your name smeared all over it
Cookie Cutter Novelist
What, Me Have a New Idea?
Yes, I am imagining you naked
Why write when I can talk about how much I suffer when I write?
Here, have a bookmark while we chat about my new release
Publishing World Weary
You think Home Depot is hiring?
If you've got a pulse, I've got a blurb
Self-Published and Proud
Say one word about how crappy self-published books are and I'm beating the snot out of you
I've got a novel for every great title you publish first
We'd also have to have some T-shirts for the editors and agents, too:
Too many acquisitions, not enough TUMs
Aspiring Allergic (editor version)
If you don't have an agent, get away from me
Aspiring Allergic (agent version)
If you don't have a contract offer, get away from me
Author in Disguise
Here, have a bookmark while we chat about my debut release
If I don't know who you are, I don't want to know who you are
The minute you stop making money for me, out you go
Yeah Uh-huh Whatever
It actually wasn't that nice to meet you
I'm just here for the shopping and the theme parks
Where's the damn Tiki Bar?
All right, it's your turn: what sort of true publishing tee would you like to see? Tell us in comments.