Ten Things I Don't Want for Christmas
Chocolate. Not only can't I eat it because it's not part of my heart-healthy twigs-and-bark diet, but I then have to give it to someone else and watch them eat it. Which is when I start sobbing.
Gadget Docking Stations, Accessories, etc. I do not own an iPod, an iPad, an e-reader, a fancy mobile phone or any of that other junk. I have nothing that needs a recharging station, and I don't want a netbook, a boogie board, a happy light, anything that displays up to ten thousand digital photographs, or that tells me on the hour what the weather is like in Sydney because I can't figure out how to program it for my time zone.
Grow Your Own! Kits. I'm not especially enamoured of tomatoes that grow upside down, herbs in tiny pots, Chia pets or ugly brown bulbs that are supposed to produce gorgeous flowers but no matter how carefully I follow the directions only remain ugly brown bulbs.
Hair DooDads. I am older now, and so is my hair. At long last we've made peace with each other. So you can understand why I might not want to bump it, extend it, french twist it, scrunch it, straighten it or otherwise torture it. Leave. My Hair. Alone.
Motion-Activated Candy Dispensers. Okay, this is just downright cruel.
Pens. You know when people say they own a thousand pens? I actually do.
Singing and/or Dancing Holiday Figurines. Seeing Santa in the throes of an epileptic seizure while he belts out Elvis tunes is simply not my thing. Same goes for the mounted fake bass that turns its head and starts talking (I saw that once at a friend's house, and I still have nightmares.)
The Snuggie. I'm a quilter and a quilt collector, so believe me, the one thing I am never going to be in my house is cold. Plus if I want to be warm and keep my hands free, I'll put on one of my thirty-odd quilted jackets.
Toothbrush Sanitizer. Soaking your toothbrushes once a week in some rubbing alcohol doesn't cost thirty bucks (just remember to rinse it thoroughly before using it again.)
Waterproof Shower Radio. We live so far out in the boonies that it only picks up live broadcasts from stock auctions and the exciting sermon of whatever
What are some of the things you don't want as holiday gifts this year? Share the pain in comments.