While my human is upstairs working and not paying attention to me, I thought I'd lend a paw with today's blog post (she thinks I sit on her lap while she's online because I want a cuddle, not because I'm interested in her passwords. Tomorrow the workmen are coming to install the koi pond I ordered online from Pools & Fish R Us.)
We haven't met, have we? Call me Jeri. My human hardly ever takes pictures of me, but she's always distracted by that loud, nosy, obnoxious mutt . . . what was his name? Buzzy, Buggy? Something like that. In any case, here's my latest self-portrait:
As photos go, this one simply shouts taste, style and dignity, don't you think? One can never groom too long or too often, I believe. I'm also quite picky about things like my bedding. See my lovely duvet? It not only matches my fur, it camoflauges me so well that the stupid dog can't see me when I'm trying to take one of my forty-seven daily naps.
Let's see, what happened today . . . napped, stretched, napped, yawned, napped, groomed, napped, rolled over, napped, licked my butt, napped, tormented the mutt, napped . . . a quiet day for the most part, as my human left early and took the two large, loud, nosy obnoxious mini-humans out with her.
I knew she wasn't driving them to the Smiling Man in the white coat who jabs needles in my bottom -- he only tortures felines and mutts -- so I guessed they were going to shop for some new treats for me. I practiced my surprised glare in the bathroom mirror (in between naps, of course) until they returned.
Well, you're never going to believe what she brought when she finally did come home. No, not treats for me. No crunchies or chewies, no new scratching post or catnip, not even so much as a fake mouse made out of bits of rug. No, my human purchased these:
Books. Yes, I was as shocked as you. First of all, they're useless. I can't eat them, chew on them or even use them to tidy up things after I relieve myself. I have tried, several times, but it made my human scream too much. Second, it's not as if we don't have any already -- they're in every room of the house, for Bast's sake.
It wouldn't be so bad if some of them were about cats, but I checked each one, and there wasn't a single feline story in the entire stack. It appears that my human would rather read about hellhounds, Under Realms, dragons, brides of serpents (I thought we got this one for free after forty minutes of fumbling the other night), space, ching (what the devil IS a ching?), satisfaction, ruby keys and cathedrals.
And after all I've done for her. Well, the next time I feel a hairball coming up, I'm not going to politely deposit it on the foyer tile. No, I think I'll need to lie down before I ralph. Perhaps in the center of her bed pillow.
That's all the news from my corner of the furry world. Before I take my next nap, what are you humans buying at the book store these days? Any tales of fierce felines and courageous cats, or have you too thrown yourselves to the hellhounds? Do tell me in comments.