Sunday, December 02, 2007

PW'd

How to get the fifth book in your vampire fiction series reviewed by Publishers Weekly, after they ignore the first four:

PW Editor (looking at paperback bestseller list): Who's this?

PW BSL List Compiler: Have no idea.

Editor: Never heard of her. Her novel hit #12 on our bestseller list?

Compiler: Yup.

Editor: How the hell did that happen?

Compiler: Search me.

Editor: We must have reviewed one of the earlier books in the series.

Compiler: Nope.

Editor: Where's her web site?

Compiler: She doesn't have one.

Editor: Fine, what's her next con appearance?

Compiler: She doesn't go to conventions.

Editor: The next booksigning?

Compiler: She doesn't have signings.

Editor: Do we have a photo of this ninny, at least?

Compiler: A really old one from 1998. It's kind of dusty, though, and someone folded it before they put it in the file so there's like this big ass ugly crease running across her nose.

Editor: Jesus Christ. What if she hits our bestseller list again?

Compiler: We could review the next book. You know. Act like we're cool about it.

Editor: All right, get someone on it. Don't give her any stars, though, and make sure they put "tepid" and "distractingly" in the review. This whole thing might just be a one-time fluke.

Compiler: You got it.

20 comments:

  1. Doesn't this mean you're on the fringe of "The In Crowd"?

    Aren't you now privy to the best view?

    Can "Knowledge of prior books helps one along, but. . ." be distilled to "My review might suffer from a lack of knowledge; however, is it really my fault I've not read the other books?

    I think a hearty CONGRATULATIONS is still in order!

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  2. Tepid? I don't think so.

    I agree with Shawn. Hearty congratulations are in order. And now you get to eat at the cool kids table. I hope this leads a a zillion book sales.

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  3. Shawn wrote: Doesn't this mean you're on the fringe of "The In Crowd"?

    God, I hope not. I'd have to stand there all day looking at their asses.

    Aren't you now privy to the best view?

    Finally, a reason to be happy I'm legally blind!

    Can "Knowledge of prior books helps one along, but. . ." be distilled to "My review might suffer from a lack of knowledge; however, is it really my fault I've not read the other books?

    Nailed it in one, Shawn.

    I think a hearty CONGRATULATIONS is still in order!

    Thanks, I guess. Considering the amount of hatchet jobs and hate mail I'm always hit with after one of my novels gets a mention in an industry trade, I'd rather they just go on ignoring me and my series.

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  4. We could review the next book. You know. Act like we're cool about it.

    Hope you're gearing up for that, lol!
    Huge congratulations any durn way!

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  5. battlekitty2:30 PM

    Lynn,
    They may go on ignoring your series, but your devoted fans won't! I wait anxiously for any new books you write and am constantly stalking the blog for new shorts stories, updates, etc. We'll keep it quiet how great an author you are so the big, bad scary people don't get you! LOL!
    Tami

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  6. Sorry, PBW, but I'm too busy laughing to comment properly. You slay me.

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  7. Congratulations! (do you know which PW it will be in?)

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  8. Wow, congrats!! And pfft, what do those snobs know, anyway? You have a million secret, brilliant marketing strategies and I do believe that Evermore is going to be my favourite book in your series so far. :D

    And, oh jeez, don't tell me they actually used those adjectives? *headdesk*

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  9. Hey, this means you're no longer the best-kept secret in romantic paranormal fiction. It was only a matter of time.

    Today, PW. Tomorrow, the Ritas!

    *ducks*

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  10. Well done, Lynn. Sock it to them!

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  11. OH wow, huge congrats! And just think, some folks will have now more stuff to get annoyed about.

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  12. Congrats! Hopefully the hatchet jobs will not be forthcoming.

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  13. Oh Gawd you make me laugh! Thank you for that. :)

    And congratulations on your success!

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  14. Hmm. I think PW needs to get their heads out of their asses. If you'll forgive me. :) Your books say part of the Darkyn series. So...why pick up a book in the middle and expect to understand all of it?

    Mini rant over.

    OTOH, congrats on getting reviewed. Hope the hate mail is minimal and it really sucks that you get any in the first place.

    Chin up, hon. Evermore was absolutely awesome.

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  15. Can anyone explain to me why th'geesus you should get hate mail?
    Are the minds out there smaller than I thought?

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  16. Congrats on getting reviewed.

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  17. Okay, behind the times as usual, but congrats (I think) on being noticed by the big guys :p. Great breakdown of their thinking...and sadly probably accurate.

    Here's hoping the review generates enough curiosity to draw more readers but then sinks into the fog so that no one can use it against you and you can forget you almost caught their cooties :). Best of both worlds?

    Cheers,
    Margaret

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  18. You are too funny! PW review or not, you are an excellent writer. It's a tough business, so congratulations!

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