How to get the fifth book in your vampire fiction series reviewed by Publishers Weekly, after they ignore the first four:
PW Editor (looking at paperback bestseller list): Who's this?
PW BSL List Compiler: Have no idea.
Editor: Never heard of her. Her novel hit #12 on our bestseller list?
Editor: How the hell did that happen?
Compiler: Search me.
Editor: We must have reviewed one of the earlier books in the series.
Editor: Where's her web site?
Compiler: She doesn't have one.
Editor: Fine, what's her next con appearance?
Compiler: She doesn't go to conventions.
Editor: The next booksigning?
Compiler: She doesn't have signings.
Editor: Do we have a photo of this ninny, at least?
Compiler: A really old one from 1998. It's kind of dusty, though, and someone folded it before they put it in the file so there's like this big ass ugly crease running across her nose.
Editor: Jesus Christ. What if she hits our bestseller list again?
Compiler: We could review the next book. You know. Act like we're cool about it.
Editor: All right, get someone on it. Don't give her any stars, though, and make sure they put "tepid" and "distractingly" in the review. This whole thing might just be a one-time fluke.
Compiler: You got it.