I think advertising slogans are becoming very dull and unimaginative. Take McDonald's current slogan: I'm Lovin' It. Lovin' what, precisely? The prices? The service? The entire menu? I had one of your salads a few weeks ago, and I didn't exactly hate it, but love? Not even close. You want a crack at my heart, you need to stock fresher lettuce, sodium/fat-free dressings, and lose those lousy cherry tomatoes you dump in everything.
If you're going to go with an uninspired slogan, at least get creative with the presentation. Capital One's slogan of "What's in your wallet?" is flatter than a French crepe, but the commercials with the Dark Age barbarian hordes storming into modern life before their leader delivers it as a one-liner makes it deliciously funny.
If advertising departments need to hire different writers, they should rustle up a few authors. God knows we can use the work. For example:
Dan Brown for UPS: See what the other globally-dominating brown can do for you.
Jackie Collins for De Beers: A Diamond is forever, but then, so is alimony.
Sue Grafton for the United States Army: B is for all you can be.
Laurell K. Hamilton for G.E.: We bring dead things to life.
Stephen King for Verizon Wireless: Can you hear me now? ...Good! Go kill everyone around you.
Thomas Harris for the United Negro College Fund: A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Want a taste?
China Mieville for McDonald's Big Mac: Two oily beef patties crawling with secret sauce created in hidden places somewhere beneath the unnamed city at the juncture of two rivers, one south-flowing and one gone sluggish and stagnant, wilted lettuce from the window box of a one-armed nun turned pimp, cheese with verdant, moldy corners made from the milk of a mutated cow force-fed diseased grain, which might also explain the odorous patties as they were, as that farmer's horse vanished on curd-making day, pickled things from the murky bottom of an ancient and ominously rusted barrel, onions or perhaps bunions from the old mayor's feet, cunningly carved to resemble onions, on a bun seeded with disaster, weevils and the lipstick marks from the pouting mouth of the young tart at the serve-all window who had obviously stolen a bite before bagging it.
PBW for The United States Air Force: Aim high. No, higher, nitwit.
Hunter S. Thompson for The Partnership for a Drug-Free America: This is my brain. It's your brain on drugs. Any questions?
Reverend Rick Warren for Volkswagen: Purpose-Drivers wanted.
I have a couple of personal slogans, and someday I'm going to figure out how I can tattoo Blow me on some part of my body without Mom finding out. How about you all? Have you come up with a personal slogan, or have a particular favorite out there in the advertising world?