I'm seeing a lot of poor you posts by authors and writers who have since taken off for the RWA National Conference. The assumption here is that RWANat is so fabulous, so fun, and so freaking wonderful that we must be miserable, to be deprived of its many delights.
Ten Delights I Remember from RWA National
1. Staying at an overpriced hotel with 1000 writers, 500 of whom are allergic to perfume and 500 who evidently bathe in it.
2. A room on the twentieth floor, no stairs, and waiting thirty minutes minimum to use an elevator. Which then takes twenty minutes to get to your floor.
3. Chicken something in mysterious brown and purple sauces, salads that appear and taste like grass clippings and wilted leaves, watery iced tea, tar-thick coffee, and something floating in your water glass that looks like a booger.
4. Needing desperately to visit the ladies room while being trapped in a front row seat at a workshop taught by The Most Boring Writer in Romance.
5. Reserving a room with two beds, being stuck with a one-bed room and having a roommate who can't sleep on a rollaway, which turns out to have a lump in it the size of a honeydew.
5a. Insomnia not helped by discovering that your roommate snores, grinds her teeth and talks in her sleep.
6. Dodging being trampled by the herd as they race to get to seats at the big luncheon and fight over who gets the freebie Linda Howard hardcovers (I have seen women almost come to blows over this.)
7. Sitting next to Big Name Author's table at the literacy signing and listening to her readers gush over her books while you smile at the stacks of your novels that no one wants.
8. Walking through the cloud of smoke emitted by the Lung Cancer crowd gathered around the tiny ashcan just outside the lobby door. If one of them is gesturing, add dodging a cigarette burn.
9. Sitting next to a redheaded lady for thirty minutes at a party but avoiding eye contact and not talking to her because you've run out of small talk. Later, having all your friends rush up and ask you what you said while you were sitting next to Nora Roberts (at least Nora can never say I bugged her.)
10. Discovering at the RITA awards that the reason everyone keeps looking back at you is not because your name was announced, but because the well-dressed lady beside you is farting silently but continuously.
Yep. Poor us.