Ten Things I Do Not Want for the Holidays
Anything related to The Hunger Games, The Game of Thrones, or Ender's Game. In fact, if you're out shopping for me and you spot anything that has Game in the title please just walk the other way.
Ballpoint pens covered with fur, rhinestones, spikes, obscenities or miniature body parts. What you think is cute I'll probably think is pointless, plus my mom will likely end up stealing it, taking it to church and using it during her latest Bible study class, after which the pastor is going to want to have a word with me. Again.
Birdhouses. All of the pregnant birds around here refuse to use them. The snakes, frogs and squirrels, on the other hand . . .
Hats. I'm just not a hat person. I'm not a scarf, watch or lacey lingerie gal, either. I also now own enough cute fuzzy socks to keep my feet warm until Doomsday.
House plants. No matter where I put them my cat gets to them, eats them, and then regurgitates them all over some high-traffic carpeted area, generally during a dinner party. This includes potted catnip and that kitty grass that is supposed to be good for them.
Any product that has the name Kardashian attached to it. Do I even have to explain this one?
Kindle anything. I don't own a Kindle and (more importantly) I don't want to own a Kindle so you would be helping me not buy one. You should probably skip any Nook stuff too because I keep misplacing the one the family bought me for my birthday.
Makeup kits with ten thousand eye/lip/cheek colors in them. Aside from the fact that I haven't worn makeup for ten years, I cannot think of a single occasion in my life that would demand I paint any part of my face fuschia, chartreuse or bubble-gum-pink in order to appear presentable.
Perfume. But if you need some for someone else, please see me -- I have a huge drawer in the bathroom filled with about a hundred unused bottles from birthdays and Christmases past.
A T-shirt or sweatshirt with a decal that reads "Writers Do It [Insert Obnoxious Sexual Innuendo]." This because a) I don't advertise on my body that I'm a writer, b) there's never a really clever way to fill in that particular blank and c) it's absolutely none of your business how I do it.
What don't you want for the holidays? Let us know in comments.