Ten Workshops I Think I'll Skip
1. 101 Nice Euphemisms for the P-word: Why use something uncooth when you can call it a manroot?
2. Chapter One -- Reflecting on a Decade of Writing My Literary Novel: It may look like only seventeen typed, double-spaced pages, but it is so much more.
3. Correct that Book: Tired of authors using words, characters and scenes that you don't like? Sick of respecting copyright? Ways to alter print and electronic novels to your satisfaction (bonus: mini scrapbooking seminar included!)
4. Death of a Noble Sub-Genre: How paranormal romance and romantica authors are just runing everything for the six of us who still read historical romance, and what we plan to do about it. [Workshop materials required: poster board, colorful markers, glitter glue and stickers.]
5. Ex-Lax in Your Editor's Christmas Chocolates and Other Ways to Get Even: If she thinks you produce nothing but crap . . .
6. How to Really Impress a Bookseller: Learn how to make friends, perform oral sex in small, cramped offices, and watch your sell-through soar.
7. It WAS a Dark and Stormy Night: Opening your novel with powerful descriptions of the wonderful world of weather!
8. The Vanishing Art of Purple Prose: Help preserve romance's roots by learning how to properly illustrate secret, savagely intimate moments of white-hot blazing passion and heavenly undying everlasting devotion in the soft lilac velvety vise of the true love scene.
9. Ways to Win Industry Awards Through Blackmail: Overnighting the entry fee check, badmouthing the competition and sucking up to the judges just aren't enough to guarantee a trophy anymore. How prostitutes and long-range camera lenses can get your book the attention it truly deserves.
10. Wild Sex Scenes in Science Fiction Novels and the Handsome Guy Authors Who Write Them: (cancelled.)