Monday, March 24, 2014

Blast from the Past: Be Happy We Work at Home

We've made it home from MegaCon 2014, which was absolutely amazing. I'll be spending today unpacking, cuddling with the pups and trying to remember what I did with my mobile, but over at the series blog I've posted a slideshow of some pics I took this weekend.

To wrap up blast from the past week, here's one of my favorite ten lists:

Ten Things That Would Happen if Writing Became a Day Job

Accounting: could slow down in a big way and no one would notice. Meanwhile, the payroll clerk would become everyone's BFF.

Bosses: would have to do a lot more reading, stock up on Pepto, hire an extra secretary just to answer their intercom or phone extension and learn how to speak editor ("Get it done" = "If you can send this to me by close of business today I'll authorize your D&A payment").

Business Conferences: would have to include new events like Project Pitchorama, Character Dress-up for Literacy and The Vampire Ball.

Casual Friday: would be pretty much every day, and would have to be expanded to authorize the wearing of pjs, yoga pants, fuzzy socks and T-shirts with slogans like "OCCUPY PUBLISHING".

Company Coffee Pot: would burn out from overuse every other month or be filled with extra-large tea bags immersed in something vaguely purple that smells a bit like like the Queen's perfume.

Desks: would be buried beneath stacks of corrected chapters, two years of The Writer back issues, three dozen pens that ran out of ink and assorted widgets/gadgets/gizmos, index cards, newspaper clippings, and at least one hundred sticky notes inscribed with enigmatic phrases like "Sx scene Chap 9!!!!" or "Dismember by ch. saw?"

Offices: would need three walls of book shelves, stereo systems, scented candles, locking doors, pillows to scream into and at least one large window overlooking something pretty.

Personal Calls: would have to be authorized for mid-afternoon moments of panic when the employees need to call their best writer pals to say, "I suck. Go ahead, just tell me the truth. I suck."

Supply Closets: would have to be kept stocked with six months' supply of toner, bond paper, highlighters, red pens and lots and lots of notebooks with cute kitten covers.

Water Cooler: would be much more popular, at least until the boss discovers someone refilled it with wine.


  1. I think it would be awesome to actually be a full time employed tortured novelist working in a massive "writing to maybe or maybe not even get a book published" corporation :P

  2. Wine in the water cooler. . . nice! But I think The Ramones called dibs with "beer in the soda machine."

    Would I be able to bring my nurse cat to the office?

  3. Karen Witkowski2:50 PM

    I enjoyed meeting you and your daughter on Sunday afternoon! Thanks for signing my copy of CLOCKWORK WOLF!