Ten Sites I'd Like to See on The Internet
AbsolutelyWillNotWrite.com: An online writing community where you can go and hang out to talk about your struggle, pain, writer's block, frustration with the industry, envy of productive writers, mysterious maladies and all the other excellent reasons as to why you can't write. Maybe. We're not sure. Are the planets aligned correctly? We don't feel so good. Come back next Tuesday.
Faceoffbook: A site on which you are not permitted to post any images of yourself or your body parts, which includes any/all Glamor Shots, sex act partials, meaningful personal symbols, short animations from porn movies or Seinfield episodes, pictoral-enhanced famous quotations, celebrities you secretly believe you resemble, participation in drunken revelries or anything that may be introduced as evidence against you in or out of a court of law. If you've used it as an avatar, you won't use it here.
Guildless Authors.org: Created for writers who can't stomach writers' organizations. Site provides no professional advice, never meddles in copyright issues, awards nothing, isn't terrified of Google, doesn't meet once a month, refuses to elect any officers, will not hold workshops or seminars, and could care less about conferences. You don't want to join? Good for you.
Muter.com: For people who don't own mobile phones, hate texting and/or prefer to hold all of their conversations in private without an audience. Welcome! Now, shut up.
NeverPimpAnythingAgain.net: (no description available.)
NotYourKidTube: Do you have a home video that doesn't feature your child performing, singing or otherwise doing something cute, clever or humorous that you intend to exploit so they can appear on Ellen, go into child modeling or acting and make you millions before they mature, lose their childstar appeal and end up suicidal, in therapy, living under a bridge or making a reality show about their various addictions and the many kinds of permanent psychic damage you've inflicted on them? We'd love to see it.
PffftFiction.org: A site that doesn't care who an author is, what they've written or what their latest release is, and flatly refuses to SPAM them twenty times a day asking for book excerpts, bios, guest blogs etc. Why are you bothering us? We haven't heard of you. Go away.
SilentPodcasts: Click on their link to hear nothing, or nothing enhanced by a faint echo of crickets chirping in an enormous empty room.
Unromantic Times.net: The premiere site for the unattached, happily single and not planning on getting involved with anyone ever ever ever. Members may freely communicate without fear of being matched on any level, having to meet, make committments or film a commercial that requires them to fake how happy they are together. Their motto: what's love got to do with it? Uh, nothing.
WorkingWriters.com: Sorry, but we'll have to get back to you after we finish the book.