Monday, April 26, 2010

Writerisms Ten

Ten Things Writers Say About Their Books
(and what they really mean)

All I wanted to do with this novel was share my struggle and help others.

All I want to do with this novel is make a pile of money and stomp my competition into the dust.

Early reviews have been very promising.

Early reviewers have promised to hunt me down and beat the crap out of me.

I hope you love reading it as much as I loved writing it.

I hope you don't hate it because if this doesn't sell I'm going to be pulling double shifts at Shoes R Us.

I patterned my novel after [deceased famous writer's insanely popular novel] but they're really not the same.

I ripped off a deceased famous writer's insanely popular novel and changed it just enough to skirt plagiarism because it's a guaranteed bestseller and I'll have an instant readership.

My editor thought it was very different.

My editor called legal to see if publishing it would get them sued.

No one understands what I'm doing with this novel.

Stop asking me to explain this novel; I haven't figured out a decent premise or hook line yet.

The experience of writing this story was life-changing.

After I wrote this story my spouse left me, my family won't speak to me and the house is now in foreclosure.

This book is why I became a writer.

This book is what is selling like hotcakes.

When I finished the novel I jumped with joy.

When I finished the novel I collapsed and had to be hospitalized for exhaustion.

You can buy the book at any major retailer.

Buy my freaking book!

10 comments:

  1. Haha. Nice. Very true :).

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  2. LOL, these and hilarious and sooo true :)

    especially the exhaustion one!

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  3. #9 hits a little close to home. : O

    #10, sigh.

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  4. LOL!!! I especially like #'s 2 & 4. I think those go hand in hand.

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  5. Haha these are hilarious!

    "When I finished the novel I jumped with joy.

    When I finished the novel I collapsed and had to be hospitalized for exhaustion."

    ^^ That one made me literally "lol" out loud.

    I love these lists you come up with. xD

    ~TRA

    http://xtheredangelx.blogspot.com

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  6. OMG. This was really funny.

    My favourite: My editor thought it was very different.

    My editor called legal to see if publishing it would get them sued.

    Thanks for posting this.

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  7. That was so funny!!

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  8. Oh. Well then. Writing a book must not be as much fun as I thought it would be. ;)

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