Story Divorce Ten

Ten Things that Indicate You and Your Story Should Part Ways

Backstory Shortages: A description of all your characters' backstories can fit comfortably on a Post-It note, and you're okay with that.

Character Massacre: By page fifty you find yourself killing off the entire cast, and you're not writing a zombie novel.

Crit Partner Pass: You refuse to show any pages of your story to your crit partner, unless you really hate him/her, in which case you dump all the pages on them.

Flame Fodder: when your spouse needs some kindling in order to start a fire on a cold night, you hand him the first three chapters you just polished.

Involvement Deficit: While editing your story, you fall asleep. Serious: While writing your story, you fall asleep. Terminal: While you're writing your story, your spouse interrupts to nervously ask where you put your living will.

Lifter Turnoff: While you're talking about it at your monthly chapter luncheon, the writer who perpetually eavesdrops on your conversations and writes stories that are always remarkably similar to your own abruptly changes tables.

Pitch Confession: Before you tell your editor about the story, you first apologize for the premise, the setting, the characters, the main conflict and the writing.

Slipshod Synopsis: The first draft of your synopsis for the story reads something like this: Joe meets Janet. They talk. Stuff happens. Janet needs to pick up some OJ from the market. So do I. And remind Tom about fixing the sink. Pay electric bill. Call Susan about the car pool. Did Jill finish her Algebra homework??? Um, then more stuff happens. The end.

Title Apathy: You've titled your story "This Stupid @#$!* Thing" and you're not in a real hurry to change it.

Unhappily Ever After: By the time you finish your story, all the characters in it are dead, or zombies. Or dead zombies.