The New Venture

The agent e-mailed me tonight to let me know that yes, several publishers are interested in providing financial backing for my new venture. So I think it's safe to finally unveil the project: a brand new web site devoted to exposing the most serious problems affecting the publishing industry today.

I think the title says it all: Bootleggers, Buzzkillers and Blurb Sluts

Has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Kind of like lions and tigers and bears, only without the fur. Anyway, my new web site will be devoted to hunting down, exposing and perpetually plaguing the three Bs, who are of course the root of all evil in our industry. Here's a look at some of the debut week articles:

Meet Your Favorite Bootlegger!: Names and addresses of those misguided souls who illegally scan and post print books online, along with driving directions and car pool forums for authors who want to go as a group to talk to multiple offenders.

A Day at Work with the Buzzkiller: How to organize a protest rally at your favorite buzzkiller's workplace, and let their boss know what they've been doing on their work computer when they were supposed to be balancing out those toilet seat accounts.

Correcting the Blurb Sluts: Sharpie marker giveaways all month so you can black out the b.s. quotes from cronies on the covers of all those over-hyped underwritten books. Markers also come in handy when you want to draw funny mustaches on the blurb slut's book jacket photo.

Bonus: Interview with a Buzzkiller! Find out why Ms. Anonymous really posted 978 one-star reviews on Amazon.com last month, just as soon as we find her, tackle her and threaten to tickle her until she confesses.

I can't wait to get started on this, frankly, because it's the kind of work I was meant to do. Yes, I know, I'll have to give up writing novels, change my name, dye my hair and live in a small village that has no indoor plumbing in France to escape persecution, but the work is so important I feel that any and all sacrifices on my part are simply worth it.

As soon as Bootleggers, Buzzkillers and Blurb Sluts goes live you guys will be the first to know. In the meantime, cross your fingers, wish me luck and mark this date on your calendar. You do know what day it is, right?