Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Blurb Translations

Ten Cover Quotes, And What They Really Mean

1. "A very sweet, wholesome story."

If this book were any more PC, it could run as the Republican presidential candidate.

2. "An interesting male spin on a love story."

Is it okay to send the author's wife a sympathy card before he's dead?

3. "Fast-paced and pithy."

I've read more engrossing bumperstickers.

4. "I want all my readers to buy this book."

My editor wants all my readers to buy this book.

5. "I'm so excited by this author's promising new talent."

Less competition! Hooray!

6. "Say hello to the next great literary mind."

(yawn) Next time, send me the Cliff Notes.

7. "This novel is a non-stop wild romp!"

You know, I think I've had less fun on some of my honeymoons.

8. "This one is a blockbuster in the making."

Tell me when I die that I can come back as this author's heir.

9. "Unbelievably wonderful -- the best book of the year."

I quoted what? How drunk did I get at that conference, anyway?

10. "You won't regret buying this novel."

Until after you read it.

12 comments:

  1. Tom Holt gave me a nice blurb for my latest: 'Couldn't put it down'

    Damn that delayed action super-glue, eh?

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  2. hahaha these are great!

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  3. Oh, Simon!

    One of my favourites is " a writer to watch" - "and if I see him again, I'm taking out a restraining order."

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  4. The other day I bought a book that had a cover blurb that said only, "Genuinely frightening." Now that's the most ambiguous cover blurb I've ever seen.

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  5. #6 would definately kick in my boredom radar...

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  6. "Exciting..." as roadkill.

    "The book to read this year!" As opposed to say, using it as a doorstop, which would be my recommendation.

    "This author keeps getting better and better." Which is good, because he was pretty damned awful before.

    "A full throttle entertainment!" Particularly if you toss it out the window while you're going full throttle.

    "I was on the edge of my seat..." vomiting uncontrollably.

    "I couldn't put it down!" But I wished I'd never picked it up.

    "He writes like Stephen King..." plays banjo.

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  7. Great list. Right on the money.

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  8. Great! And how true.

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  9. "Promising newcomer ..." (Promised me a cheque and it STILL isn't here.)

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  10. You have me in stitches everytime you do one of these, and the comment trail is hilarious too.

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  11. Anonymous9:01 AM

    Since when does being PC make you a Republican? Republican spew the most racially insensitive, sexist garbage I've ever heard.

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  12. Anonymous wrote: Since when does being PC make you a Republican? Republican spew the most racially insensitive, sexist garbage I've ever heard.

    Being PC makes you a moron, in my opinion. Which makes you a prime Republican presidential candidate. You don't have to agree, of course. :)

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