What Writers Say to Their Editors About Their Cover Art, and What They Really Mean
1. "All I can say is, Wow!"
Only because I'm not going to say oh shit, Jesus Christ, or I'm fucked to an editor.
2. "Did the cover artist read my manuscript before painting this?"
'Cause I don't remember having my H/H performing swap oral sex on a giraffe in my story.
3. "How do you like it?"
Yes, please, let me know if you're as big a moron as I now think you are.
4. "I have never seen anything like it."
But then, I'm not a crack house interior wall inspector.
5. "Nothing could have prepared me for this."
Unless the Spanish Inquisition comes back and decides I'm a heretic.
6. "Production did a terrific job."
Production hates me this much?
7. "There simply aren't words to describe how this cover makes me feel."
Oh yes there are.
8. "This will sell ten thousand copies."
If there's a flood that destroys all the stores' stock and the lighting over their remainder tables burns out, maybe.
9. "What an interesting cover model."
I asked for Josh Holloway and you gave me George Hamilton?
10. "Your artist has captured the spirit of my story."
Your artist is color blind, psychotic and should never walk in front of a car I'm driving.