Ten Things About Writer Concepts of Time
1. A sec: A unit of time that equals approximately twenty minutes. Example: when a writer says I need to run into the bookstore for a sec, he means I need to run into the bookstore, stand in front of my shelf, face out my title, stare at it and chew on my lip.
2. Done: If followed by the sound of a head hitting a desk or monitor, the writer's book is finished and ready to mail out to the publisher. If not, the writer needs another week to work on it. Maybe two.
3. Fast: few writers use this unrealistic term, as it applies to nothing in the publishing industry.
4. Five minutes: The most common synonym used by writers for sixty minutes.
5. Forever: The precise amount of time it takes for an editor to read a proposal, an agent to return a phone call, a GOH to finish speaking or a first novel to be published.
6. Now: An expression of incredulous outrage a writer applies to any non-emergency request made of her in the middle of her writing time, i.e. You want me to do that now?
7. One Hour: The approximate amount of time it takes for a confident writer to type the first five words that follow the phrase Chapter One. For nervous writers, depending on the level of anxiety, see definitions for one month, one year and one decade.
8. Someday: An expression describing a point in the hopefully near future when the writer's most intimate fantasies will come true; the day when the writer will be wealthy, the day the writer will land a big contract, or the day the writer's worst enemy will get his or hers while the writer watches and consumes popcorn.
9. Tomorrow: The exact time when the writer will start or finish something not related to writing, or the much hoped-for ETA of someday.
10. Yesterday: A nebulous time frame a writer assigns to any accomplished task not related to writing the work in progress, i.e. What do you mean the grass is up to your hips? I just mowed the lawn yesterday.