Monday, January 24, 2005

PlotGems

Southerners have kind of a twisted sense of humor. Like the funniest man in the south, Jeff Foxworthy, who gave us the immortal "You might be a redneck if..." routine. Between him and Celia Rivenbark, the funniest woman in the south, I should be in Depends. I was thinking of both of them as I put together this ten list.

Ten Things That Indicate Your Plot Might Need Some Work

1. It would make an excellent episode of Scooby-do.*

2. The body count exceeds the manuscript page count.

3. Goes, looks, and talks are the only verbs you use in the synopsis.

4. It takes 85 single-spaced pages to describe the protagonist's motivation, and 1 sentence to describe the villain's.

5. Your character list contains 150 men and 1 woman (or 150 women and 1 man.)

6. Everyone in the novel wants to have sex with your heroine.

7. Cliff Notes calls to ask if you want them to handle the premise.

8. You can't verbally describe it in under two hours.

9. The romantic arc has become the romantic icosahedron.

10. Everone in the novel has sex with your heroine.

*I stole this one from my romance editor

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