Ten Things You Should Probably Avoid Putting in Your Ad for a Ghost Writer
(all quotations found in actual Craigslist writing job ads)
"I will pay you in money and other valuable considerations."
Just to be upfront about it, I'm not taking any more chickens in trade.
"Most writers can average $30-45 per hour."
What if I'm above average? Will you pay me $100?
"This is a pay per job position and you can do it from home or you can come sit on my coiuch with your laptop, doesn't matter to me, as long as the work gets done and done right."
Right as in . . . spelling the word couch, for example?
"You really have to get it done pretty quickly, because otherwise it's too expensive."
You really have to wait until you can actually afford to hire me.
"Have a passion for booze in all forms?"
No, but I think I'm developing a migraine. Got an aspirin?
"If you are interested and you think you can write good enough books to hang with the big boys you can email me or text me."
Good enough books, okay. Um, give me a minute to stop laughing and then I'll text. I promise, big boy.
"The more views your articles get, the more you get paid."
Let me reinterpret this one: The more views your articles get, the more we get paid -- not that we'll ever tell you how much that is, btw. You, we might toss a couple extra pennies. Maybe. If we're feeling generous that day.
"While the pay for each task may vary, the goal is to pay approximately $12 per hour for work completed."
And if you don't, can I have David Beckham kick a soccer ball into your groin?
"We're looking for ambassadors . . . "
Try the U.N., pal.
"Please do not send a resume, I would rather see an image of you."
Make that two aspirin.