Writerisms Ten

Ten Things Writers Say (and What They Really Mean)
(The copy and revisions edition)

A copy-edit is something all writers look forward to.

A copy-edit is something all writers dodge until the last minute, and then gripe about for weeks after.

Generally I don't use as many ellipses as you've suggested in my stories.

Why do you think all my characters are stutterers and asthmatics?

I actually clarified this in Chapter One (note to editor).

(Note to self) He won't notice that I just went back and clarified this in Chapter One.

I appreciate all the corrections you took the liberty of making throughout the story, but in the process you seem to have changed my character's title.

363 times, and now he's the Viscount of an illicit sex act. Do you hate me or something?

I used an alternative spelling here, but I'll replace it with the more common word.

I misspelled the word it but I don't want to admit that.

Look at all these helpful little comments and suggestions on the writing.

Great, another copy-editor who thinks they're a writer.

May I STET this, please?

May I smack you in the head with my manuscript a few times, please?

There's a little problem with the cover copy.

There's a huge problem with the cover copy, and it took me two hours of anxiety attacks before I calmed down enough to write this e-mail. Excuse me while I go start freaking out again.

This scene is important to the development of the character and the plot, so I'd like it to remain intact.

This scene is important to me because it took me three weeks and nine rewrites to get it right, and I'm so in love with it I'm thinking of having it tattooed in Chinese on my left shoulder.

Why sure, I can run through the copy-edit, answer all two hundred of the queries and get it back to you tomorrow morning.

Goodbye, sleep, hello, expresso maker.