Monday, January 21, 2013

Writerisms Ten

Ten Things Writers Say, and What They Really Mean

A book is a labor of love.

Nineteen hours in drug-free hard labor with my daughter was easier, actually.

Being a professional writer is an interesting and rewarding career.

Be anything but a professional writer. Don't make me beg you.

I'm always thinking about my story, even when I'm shopping at the market.

I'm always thinking about . . . hey, are those chocolate-frosted donuts on sale?

I'm so glad you enjoyed the book.

I'm so glad your e-mail was a nice one because I just ran out of Valium.

Maybe Publishing is tough, but I love the competition.

Maybe Wal-Mart is hiring.

My editor is thoughtful with responses and is making me a better writer.

My editor hasn't answered my e-mail and is making me crazy.

So you want to write a book? That's great.

Please don't ask me to help you write your book.

Sure, I can wait another six weeks for payment to be approved.

Sure, I can pawn my wedding rings again. Do you have any recipes for making something edible out of ketchup and beans?

Writing a synopsis isn't so bad. You just have to think about it.

Writing a synopsis makes me break out in hives but I'm too poor to hire someone to do it for me.

You will absolutely love holding your first book in your hands.

You will scream like an air raid siren, shake like you're standing naked in a blizzard and then cry like a teething baby while clutching your first book in your hands. P.S., don't let them videotape it.

14 comments:

  1. Fran K4:43 AM

    Just the laugh I needed after walking to work through the snow with a swollen knee due to a meningeal tear and a cyst! Still I think it was easier walking than riding my bike as the roads are very icy. I was thinking about crying with the pain but chocolate frosted donuts got me . . . wish I had one now sigh

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  2. It's like you have a camera in my room.

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  3. Awesome post. Thanks for the morning giggle. =o)

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  4. Really funny. I'm still smiling--a great way to start a Monday morning...

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  5. So close to real it's scary! lol

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  6. LOL That's great!!!!

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  7. Wow, that really resonates!

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  8. "Writing a synopsis isn't so bad. You just have to think about it."

    Only if it's for a novella, otherwise I would rather watch C-Span and transcribe the commentators worlds than write a synopsis.

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  9. bahaha. Give me the chance to humiliate myself while being video taped. Check out my prologue at www.the52nd.blogspot.com. Can't hate me for trying to get traffic, building my platform. I itch to hold a published copy of my book... gracias and good night.

    xoxo
    Melissa

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  10. Thanks for a good laugh. First time on your blog but I will be back (like arnold)

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  11. Writing a synopsis isn't so bad. You just have to think about it.

    Writing a synopsis makes me break out in hives but I'm too poor to hire someone to do it for me.



    HA! I clearly and often shout to the rooftops... I HATE WRITING THOSE THINGS!

    I'm always thinking about my story, even when I'm shopping at the market.

    I'm always thinking about . . . hey, are those chocolate-frosted donuts on sale?


    Everybody wants to have OH SHINY syndrome. We're lucky enough to get paid for it.

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