Saturday, June 13, 2009

Writer Jeopardy!

Let's play Writer Jeopardy!

Now, pretend I'm Alex Trebek, only shorter, white-haired, and not a guy or Canadian. I'll give you the answers, and you pick the correct questions (or write in your own.) Oh, and we're playing for reserves against returns money, which of course means you'll never receive it, but hey, you can still dream, right?

Ready? Here we go:

Sticky situations for $50, and the answer is: Your reaction to a .jpg of of a colleague's latest cover art, which is hideous.

A. What is "That's the ugliest cover I've ever seen and the cover model resembles a cheesy portrait of Charlie Sheen when he was big time into drugs and hookers."

B. What is "Oh, my Lord, I think I've developed a spontaneous, blinding case of pink eye!"

C. What is "Honey, have I ever told you about PBW's new club for cover-traumatized authors?"

Sticky Situations for $60, and the answer is: What you do when you're invited by your editor to join in an online promotional venture that is described to you as "a friendly smackdown" on a major industry web site between you, another author to be named later, a book buyer and the general public.

A. What is you refuse, and your editor is pissed at you forever.

B. What is you accept, and you are subsequently torn to pieces online, which for some reason makes your editor happy. Maybe it was that crack about the last cover.

C. What is you join the Peace Corps and request assignment to a country that bans the internet.

Sticky Situations for $70, and the answer is: This happens after someone tells you about the latest SF online cabal to be formed and sends you a copy of their earnest manifesto, all of which gives new meaning to the words "high speed train wreck."

A. What is you visit the cabal site and have a really good private laugh, for which you should feel guilty but don't.

B. What is you comment at the cabal site, giving five more young writers reasons to hate you forever and blame you for all their career woes.

C. What is you write a kind post on your blog about how everyone in SF goes through a cabal/manifesto stage. It's like acne. Or arguing about HEA in romance. But I digress, Alex.

Sticky Situations for $80, and the answer is: What you e-mail as advice for a popular author whose new blog design is beyond creepy while knowing that everyone wants the old one back but are too afraid of hurting her feelings to tell her.

A. What is you tell her it's beyond creepy and to take it down right now.

B. What is you don't tell her it's beyond creepy, and hope it spontaneously implodes.

C. What is you suggest the author set up an anonymous opinion poll to see what her visitors think of the new blog design. Then vote 100,000 times for "I hate it" or "Ick, take it down."

Sticky Situations for $90, DAILY DOUBLE!!!! and the answer is: This is what you do after you're asked to interview the gorgeous and massively talented actress/singer/model known as Beyoncé, but only when she's in the character of her new, second persona Sasha Fierce.

A. What is you ask Ms. Fierce if the guy who dressed her in Harley spare parts was the one who suggested the new name, then you never work in Publishing again.

B. What is your entire interview consists of you making this statement: "Are you out of your freaking mind, you ditzy twit?" and then you never work in Publishing again.

C. What is you suggest to Ms. Fierce that what works as a catch phrase for fashion design reality show winners may not necessarily do the same for one of the most beautiful women in the world, especially when she already had a very cool name, and maybe you can work for the National Enquirer in twenty years or so.

FINAL JEOPARDY, and the answer is: This is how you illustrate some of the many, real life sticky situations writers find themselves caught in while making it sound like fun.

A. What is making a puppet show video and posting it on YouTube.

B. What is writing it into your next novel, only with guns and car crashes and spontaneous sex in the ladies room of a county courthouse.

C. What is Writer Jeopardy!


  1. I have to go with B on Final Jeopardy. Maybe in 20 years I can write for National Geographic?

  2. I laughed. What is Writer Jeopardy indeed.

  3. C.
    C. But I have to say I want my next pen name to be Sasha Fierce!!! LOL
    and sorry but A because it's damned funny

  4. And once again, I didn't bother putting my coffee down before I read this. It's a wonder my laptop survives Saturday mornings. LOL!

  5. Brilliant! And can I wrestle Amie for the rights to Sasha Fierce as a pen name?

  6. Why did I want to be a writer again?

  7. Is it possible to win a million bucks at Writer Jeopardy? Or is the concept of winning at Writer Jeopardy an oxymoron in and of itself?