Fashion designer Vera Wang doesn't know it, but I own one of her T-shirts. No, I didn't steal it, it was a gift from a much more fashionable friend. It's also my favorite T-shirt and I've just about worn it into rag-status, because 1) it's violet and I'm still going through a violet phase from last year and 2) it's sinfully comfortable. It's the only article of clothing I own that can rightfully be called designer or fashion.
Since receiving the T-shirt I've been avoiding Kohl's, the only place in town that sells Vera Wang on the rack stuff. I don't want any more of her T-shirts. They scare me. Vera scares me. But I wanted to get a nice tote for our first giveaway winner at my group blog, and so like an idiot I went to Kohl's. That was when I saw the most sinfully lovely and utterly evil tote bag I have ever beheld:
It's black. It's shiny. It has this snake-like golden-green-bronze glow. It has not one but two zippered pockets on the inside. And perfect zippers. And perfect handles. And it's the perfect size for all the stuff I lug to the library . . .
I resisted for exactly a week, until I went back to drool on it one more time and saw that the evil lovely thing was marked down 40%. And there were only two left on the shelf. Now I can resist full-price Vera, but discount Vera? Only two left Vera? Don't get between me and the nearest cashier.
The bag is sitting in my office now, glaring at me. Daring me to use it. But it's also shiny and perfect, not a scratch on it, and I just want to look at it for a while before I begin the process of destroying it like every other tote bag that has had the misfortune to fall into my careless hands.
Or maybe I'll just keep looking at it like the spellbound fashion-helpless mouse that I am, and snarl at anyone who tries to touch it. The weird thing is, now I finally understand why some women have to have those $600.00 stupid-looking designer shoes. That's their evil Vera Wang tote bag.