Ten Things I Do Not Want for Valentine's Day
(for my guy)
Chocolate: I can't have it on my diet, and I gave away all the stuff that came in during Christmas. I can't do that again and not have a nervous breakdown.
Filet Mignon: I can already hear my arteries hardening.
Flowers: The cats eat them and then throw up. I do not want to spend Valentine's Day cleaning up chewed petal puke while the puppy tries to help.
Foot Massager: You're not allowed to touch my feet; why do you think I'd let some vibrating pulsing heated machine near them?
Jewelry: I didn't make you read that National Geographic article about how poor people in third world countries are killing themselves to illegally mine gold, did I?
Love Coupons: they're cute, but you never let me redeem them unless the kids are staying with Grandma.
Naughty Nighties: I'm too tired to remember to put on my robe in the morning, and I can't walk the puppy while I'm wearing something from Victoria's Secret for Seniors.
Perfume: I love you, honey, but you always shop when you're hungry, and I do not want to walk around smelling like a mango for a year again.
Stuffed Animals: What am I, six? And I didn't like them even when I was in the first grade.
X-Rated Toys: I can't remember to buy batteries for the flashlight in the kitchen, so unless they're solar-powered . . .
What I would like for Valentine's Day is to spend it with you, sweetheart.
All right, you guys, your turn -- what don't you want for Valentine's Day? Let us know in comments.