E-mail to the business account, posted without permission (you SPAM me, you take your chances):
Writing. Make it more than just words.
With what? Pictographs? Sound buttons? Scratch-n-sniff patches? John, ignore that last idea.
When I was ten I used to illustrate my stories by tracing pictures of kissing couples out of love comics. That was fun, mainly because I never had to draw their noses (noses are hard), just a squiggly seam between their faces.
Or maybe you mean that old Extreme song, More Than Words. Nuno Bettencourt was very hot guy. Now I'm going to hear it in my head for the rest of the day.
Or . . . maybe I had a little too much Red Zinger this afternoon.
Written a book? Need a publisher?
Yes and not at the moment. (singing) What would you say if I took those words away?
Print your book with Authorhouse.
(watching dazed birds collide in mid-air outside office window, stops singing) I think Writershouse might have a problem with that.
Our clients have become bestsellers.
So have theirs and, oddly enough, they didn't ask any of us to take out a mortgage. (goes to window) You dogs quit that howling this instant.
When you have the right tools, you're more likely to get read.
Ingrates. (shuts window) Didn't you guys just send me a penis-size enhancement SPAM? You know, the one that starts off When you have the right sized tool, you're more likely to get...?
Get on radio and TV.
With who, Howard Stern? Wait, now I'm confused.
We have the resources to help you
What about my anxiety over penis size? Not that I have a penis, but still. I can't sing. I don't have the right tools. I'm not on radio or TV. Nuno Bettencourt cut off all that gorgeous hair and wouldn't do an Extreme reunion for VH-1. God, my career, my musical history and my sexuality are completely messed up here.
(sniff) No, no, I'll stumble along on my own. Unknown to Nuno. Still stupidly being paid by publishers to get into print. And tool-less.
I don't need your mercy links. All I ask is that you remember the love comic moment we shared. Whatever act you put on in front of the others, I know that it was special for you. Much, much more than words.