Ten Things Writers Say, and What They Really Mean
(The NaNoWriMo edition)
Come and be my NaNo writing buddy?
Don't make me go through this insanity alone. Please. I'm begging here.
Finally, a chance to do some real writing!
Finally, a chance to lock myself in the spare bedroom, turn down my computer speakers and play Candy Crush for three hours.
I don't yet have a title for my NaNo novel.
I'm not telling you the title of my NaNo novel because it's so good you'll steal it and tell everyone you thought it up and get published and then I'll have to one-star review and face in all your novels at the bookstore for the rest of my life.
I join in NaNoWriMo every year because I love it.
I hate this. Why did I do this to myself again? Because I'm crazy. Seriously. Calling the therapist as soon as I get my 1667 words for the day done. I swear.
I love all my friends cheering me on and encouraging me to write.
I'm Tuckerizing and then brutally slaughtering the next ass who asks me if I'm done yet.
My wordcount? I don't know, somewhere in the high five digits.
If you use two decimal places.
Once I finish NaNoWriMo I'm going to edit my novel and submit it to a publisher.
Once I finish NaNoWriMo I'm going to take this stack of crap into the backyard and burn it. Unless you read it for me, and love it to pieces, and tell me I'm the greatest writer who ever lived. Because I am. Look, just promise read it and lie to me, okay?
This is all I wanted to do in November.
This will get me out of all the lame holiday stuff my parents want me to do in November.
Writing a novel in 30 days is the most fun you can have as a writer.
Actually, no. It's gloating over the remainder titles at the Dollar Store, putting in fifteen requests under fake names for your own book at the local library, then sitting and pretending to write in the cafe where that really cute barista can watch you battle your non-existant literary demons. And there should be M&Ms in there somewhere. Like a pound of M&Ms.
You're not joining in? But you'll miss out!
Talk me out of this, please. Hurry.