Saturday, May 10, 2014

Floating Comma Hidden SPAM

I always reserve the right to make fun of anyone who SPAMs me, even when English is obviously not their first language:

Dear Sir ,

So this is already starting out well. What?

This is [Kindness Duct Tape] from [Kindness Duct Tape] and thanks for your time to read this email.

Eh. I needed a blog post for today.

[Kindness Duct Tape] is [yada yada yada] and we have more than 100 million users all over the world.

Counting people who read your SPAM is cheating, you know. Hey, how did you get that comma after Sir to do that?

Our main products are about [yada], [yada], [yada], [yada], and more [yada].

They just kind of float, don't they? Like little balloon commas.

Now our targets are as below :

Lo siento, pero no hablo estupido.

1. Is it available that we make advertisement on your websites and we pay for your nice working?

Alas, have no websites. Is nice working that thing we do when we say "No problem" to a client when we really mean "You're an unpleasant demanding ass who can't edit or write your way out of a paper bag, but I'd like to get paid so I don't have to sell a kidney to pay for my medical insurance premium"? If so I can nice work all day long. I should add that to my resume: Nice worker +15 years.

2. Is it available that we post on your websites and we pay for your nice working?

Okay, so that's not it. Maybe you mean networking? You should really stop using Babel Fish, you know. It's hardly ever right.

We make very high diacount of our products ,and put it in your websites or put it in your newsletter part, and we share the total sales.

I love the floating commas, but I'll be honest: I'm afraid you'll infect me with your crap spelling and your inability to hit the space bar at the correct moment.

any suggestion, kindly let me know.

Hire someone whose first language is English. You'll never regret the investment. Trust me.

Looking forward to hear you soon.

Turn your ear to the south. I should be shrieking any minute now.

Thanks Sincerely,

I want one of those commas!!!!!!!

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